Wrong Way Train

The heart ages last. - Sylvester Stallone

He who laughs last didn't get it. - Helen Giangregorio

The last birthday that's any good is 23. - Andy Rooney

Old and young, we are all on our last cruise. - Robert Louis Stevenson

You're only as good as your last haircut. - Fran Lebowitz

Hope is the last thing to abandon the unhappy. - Unknown

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed. - WC Fields

Last words are for fools who haven't said enough. - Karl Marx

He's thirty-one this year. Last year he was thirty. - David Coleman

In her last days, Gertrude Stein resembled a spoiled pear. - Gore Vidal

Every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last. - Charles Dickens

A smile takes but a moment, but the memories of it last forever. - Unknown

Quarrels would not last so long if the fault were only on one side. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long. - Unknown

A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last. - Helen Rowland

Stress is an important dragon to slay - or at least tame - in your life. - Marilu Henner

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. - Richard Carlson

Tell 'em we're all decreased - we went last night in a suicide pact. - Archie Bunker

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

Here's a last bequest: I don't want that guy sayin' my last urology. - Archie Bunker

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield

Live every day like it's your last, 'cause one day you're gonna be right. - Ray Charles

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. - Marty Allen

Why is America the last best hope of Earth? What if it's Liechtenstein? Or, worse, Canada? - Sarah Vowell

In Pierre Elliott Trudeau, Canada has at last produced a political leader worthy of assassination. - Irving Layton

Last year we said, "Things can't go on like this," and they didn't, they got worse. - Will Rogers

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. - Woody Allen

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton

People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily. - Zig Ziglar

Transformation also means looking for ways to stop pushing yourself so hard professionally or inviting so much stress. - Gail Sheehy

Sometimes me think, 'What is Friend?' and then me say, 'Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.' - Cookie Monster

I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner. - WC Fields

I think hearts are very much like glasses - if they do not break with the first ring, they usually last a considerable time. - Letitia Landon

Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with. - Richard B. Sheridan

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. - Amy Alcott

The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon. - Kurt Vonnegut

I found my prince - he's a hockey player and we met at an NHL event, the last place I'd ever expect to meet someone, but there he was. - Carol Alt

I had fried octopus last night. You have to be really quiet when you eat it. Otherwise, it emits a cloud of black smoke and falls on the floor. - Steven Wright