#1 humor site on the 'net

Wal-Mart Job Application

What it takes to be a Greeter at Wal-Mart

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas - they hired him because he was so honest...
Wal-Mart Job Application thanks to Bill Burgess

NAME: George Martin (Grumpy Old Bastard)

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person (or one who'll cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 - 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 Lbs.? Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE? On the job - no. On my breaks - yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE? 7 miles.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Yes. Absolutely.

QuotaBills
He's done an amazing job. - Donald Trump

All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. - Aristotle

Never send a human to do a machine's job. - Hugo Weaving

Acting is everybody's favorite second job. - Jack Nicholson

The longer the title, the less important the job. - George McGovern

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

A shop should be like a song of which you never tire. - Harry Gordon Selfridge

The job of the artist is always to deepen the mystery. - Francis Bacon

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. - Steven Wright

When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy. - James Goldsmith

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

If you want the job done fast, give it to a busy person. - Unknown

Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job. - Jim Rohn

An optimist is simply a pessimist with no job experience. - Dilbert

I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created. - Donald Trump

It's a job never started that takes the longest to finish. - JRR Tolkien

Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss's job. - Unknown

Do the hard jobs first. The easy jobs will take care of themselves. - Dale Carnegie

I know I can act. There aren't too many other jobs I know how to do. - Jack Nicholson

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. - Confucius

The real opportunity for success lies within the person and not in the job. - Zig Ziglar

People forget how fast you did a job - but they remember how well you did it. - Howard Newton

The number one job facing the middle class... a three-letter word, jobs, J-O-B-S. - Joe Biden

I'm so ugly I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. - Rodney Dangerfield

If you think your boss is stupid remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was smarter. - Albert Grant

I had the most boring office job in the world - I used to clean the windows on envelopes. - Rita Rudner

From an early age I understood that cooking was never going to be a job, it's a passion. - Gordon Ramsay

A lot of people feel very good about Mitt Romney and I think he's going to do a great job. - Donald Trump

Wherever I go, people are waving at me. Maybe if I do a good job, they'll use all their fingers. - Frank King

To me, job titles don't matter. Everyone is in sales. It's the only way we stay in business. - Harvey Mackay

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright

No kid is unsmart. Every kid's a genius at something. Our job is to find it. And then encourage it. - Robin Sharma

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell me the truth - even if it costs him his job. - Samuel Goldwyn

Too often, sales reps simply regurgitate their presentations and expect to land the sale. It doesn't work. - Harvey Mackay

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

You can always tell a real friend: when you make a fool of yourself, he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job. - Laurence Peter

In every jigsaw puzzle, there is one key piece, and the only tough job is to identify that key piece from the mess out there. - Sapan Saxena

There is a difference between conceit and confidence. Conceit is bragging about yourself. Confidence means you believe you can get the job done. - Johnny Unitas


Peanut Sale

Beer Chess

Astronomy Perspective

Wolf Chase

Coffee Caricature

The Working Man

North of Somewhere

Salmon Bikini

Mexican Phys Ed Classes

Parasite Trivia

Plug Puller

Steamworks Bathroom

Another Repost

Pipeline Protesters

Bread Gloves

Winterpeg Warm

Pen Sale Not

Soda Bottle Boat

Raccoon Rock

Cement Truck Lane

Air Wakanda

Birthday Bonus

Harrison Ford

Better Start In Life