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Wal-Mart Job Application

What it takes to be a Greeter at Wal-Mart

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas - they hired him because he was so honest...
Wal-Mart Job Application thanks to Bill Burgess

NAME: George Martin (Grumpy Old Bastard)

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person (or one who'll cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 - 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 Lbs.? Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE? On the job - no. On my breaks - yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE? 7 miles.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Yes. Absolutely.

QuotaBills
Eyebrows: What I do when I go shopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A career is a job that has gone on too long. - Jeff MacNelly

Don't torture yourself... that's my job. - Carolyn Jones

There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes. - William J. Brennan, Jr.

Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping. - Oscar Wilde

A shop should be like a song of which you never tire. - Harry Gordon Selfridge

Malaria: Several shopping centers close to each other - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The job of the artist is always to deepen the mystery. - Francis Bacon

If you do a job too well, you'll get stuck with it. - Unknown

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. - Steven Wright

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Come forth, Lazarus! And he came fifth and lost the job. - James Joyce

Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants. - Geraldo Rivera

I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created. - Donald Trump

You're the lowly pheasant with the job of keeping her here. - Archie Bunker

Traditional methods of sales prospecting are grossly inefficient. - Jill Konrath

Steve Jobs changed my life. He also changed the life of every designer. - Yves Behar

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. - Oscar Wilde

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. - Confucius

People forget how fast you did a job - but they remember how well you did it. - Howard Newton

I read the book of Job last night. I don't think God comes out well in it. - Virginia Woolf

The closest I ever came to perfection was when I filled out a job application. - Phil Callaway

The way to tell if your job is done: if you're alive, you've got a job. - Richard Bach

Please don't come to my garage sale if you've ever let me borrow something. - Mike Spears

Every sale has five basic obstacles: no need, no money, no hurry, no desire, no trust. - Zig Ziglar

Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping. - Bo Derek

Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying for the job of umpire. - Dan Zevin

The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form. - Stanley Randall

From an early age I understood that cooking was never going to be a job, it's a passion. - Gordon Ramsay

I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale." - Steven Wright

I have a great, great company. I employ thousands of people. And I'm very proud of the job I did. - Donald Trump

I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

If you are in the job for glamour, you're in for the shock of your life. The media is a huge shark pool. - Trisha Goddard

A benefit of any job is laughter. It should never be a crime to have fun on the job. It may be a crime not to. - Terry Paulson

If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan

You can always tell a real friend: when you make a fool of yourself, he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job. - Laurence Peter

Executives owe it to the organization and to their fellow workers not to tolerate nonperforming individuals in important jobs. - Peter F Drucker

There is a difference between conceit and confidence. Conceit is bragging about yourself. Confidence means you believe you can get the job done. - Johnny Unitas

When you have police officers who abuse citizens, you erode public confidence in law enforcement. That makes the job of good police officers unsafe. - Mary F Berry


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