#1 humor site on the 'net

Wal-Mart Job Application

What it takes to be a Greeter at Wal-Mart

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas - they hired him because he was so honest...
Wal-Mart Job Application thanks to Bill Burgess

NAME: George Martin (Grumpy Old Bastard)

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person (or one who'll cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 - 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 Lbs.? Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE? On the job - no. On my breaks - yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE? 7 miles.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Yes. Absolutely.

QuotaBills
First get the job; then get the job done. - Unknown

Tailor Shop: Last of the big-time menders - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

Inequality of knowledge is the key to a sale. - Neil O Gustafson

There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes. - William J. Brennan, Jr.

A man without a smiling face should not open a shop. - Chinese Proverb

A shop should be like a song of which you never tire. - Harry Gordon Selfridge

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

If you want the job done fast, give it to a busy person. - Unknown

Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job. - Jim Rohn

Do your job and demand your compensation - but in that order. - Cary Grant

The new job of art is to sit on the wall and get more expensive. - Robert Hughes

My job is not to be easy on people. My job is to make them better. - Steve Jobs

Do the hard jobs first. The easy jobs will take care of themselves. - Dale Carnegie

On this team, we're all united in a common goal: to keep my job. - Lou Holtz

Operation: A surgical job taking minutes to do and years to describe - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told me. - Howard Nemerov

The job of an educator is to teach students to see vitality in themselves. - Joseph Campbell

I read the book of Job last night. I don't think God comes out well in it. - Virginia Woolf

The closest I ever came to perfection was when I filled out a job application. - Phil Callaway

Ignore the naysayers. Really the only option is, head down and focus on the job. - Chris Pine

Please don't come to my garage sale if you've ever let me borrow something. - Mike Spears

If you love your job and the people you are working with, you never have to go to work. - Chris Johnson

It's all right to be afraid. You just don't let it stop you from doing your job. - Jim Butcher

If you think your boss is stupid remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was smarter. - Albert Grant

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

I think you should take your job seriously, but not yourself. That is the best combination. - Judi Dench

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours. - Harry S Truman

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

I have a great, great company. I employ thousands of people. And I'm very proud of the job I did. - Donald Trump

I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright

You can retire from a job, but don't ever retire from making extremely meaningful contributions in life. - Stephen Covey

A benefit of any job is laughter. It should never be a crime to have fun on the job. It may be a crime not to. - Terry Paulson

My job is not to make decisions but to set stretch objectives and help our managers work out how to reach them. - Sergio Marchionne

The person who knows "how" will always have a job.
The person who knows "why" will always be his boss. - Diane Ravitch

Fall: The season when your wife buys new winter clothes so she will have something to wear when she goes out shopping for spring outfits - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you'll ever have!" - Phyllis Diller

When you have police officers who abuse citizens, you erode public confidence in law enforcement. That makes the job of good police officers unsafe. - Mary F Berry

Schools must stop being holding pens to keep energetic young people off the job market and off the streets. We stretch puberty out a long, long time. - Toni Morrison


Israel Security

Breakfast In Bed

Antler Field

Redneck Stove Burner

Texas Earrings

A Man's Life

Dog Walker

New Zealand Prepares For War

Window Washing Daredevil

Aussie Ford Coupe

Pushing The Envelope

Window Fall Repair

Bacon Balls

Tiny Forest

Inside Loo View

Finally 21

Diet Swing

Vealy Big Meal

Just Like Grandpa

Long Liquor Store

Musical Spoons

We Open

Poultry Breakfast

Welcome To Manitoba