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Wal-Mart Job Application

What it takes to be a Greeter at Wal-Mart

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas - they hired him because he was so honest...
Wal-Mart Job Application thanks to Bill Burgess

NAME: George Martin (Grumpy Old Bastard)

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person (or one who'll cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 - 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 Lbs.? Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE? On the job - no. On my breaks - yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE? 7 miles.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Yes. Absolutely.

QuotaBills
Window Shopping: Eye browsing - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

These are cathedrals of shopping. - Emile Zola

Inequality of knowledge is the key to a sale. - Neil O Gustafson

Don't torture yourself... that's my job. - Carolyn Jones

The longer the title, the less important the job. - George McGovern

My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. - Bill Murray

A man without a smiling face should not open a shop. - Chinese Proverb

Malaria: Several shopping centers close to each other - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If you do a job too well, you'll get stuck with it. - Unknown

An optimist is simply a pessimist with no job experience. - Dilbert

It's a job never started that takes the longest to finish. - JRR Tolkien

Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss's job. - Unknown

Traditional methods of sales prospecting are grossly inefficient. - Jill Konrath

A good thing sells itself; a bad thing advertises itself for sale. - African Saying

Diploma: 1. Da man dat fixes your pipes; 2. A job-hunting license. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I know I can act. There aren't too many other jobs I know how to do. - Jack Nicholson

We always admire the other fellow more after we have tried to do his job. - William Feather

Most of the early part of an actor's career, you do the jobs you get. - Jack Nicholson

A manager is responsible for the application and performance of knowledge. - Peter F Drucker

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

The closest I ever came to perfection was when I filled out a job application. - Phil Callaway

Ignore the naysayers. Really the only option is, head down and focus on the job. - Chris Pine

I'm so ugly I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. - Rodney Dangerfield

My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn't walk to the donut shop. - Bill Murray

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

Every sale has five basic obstacles: no need, no money, no hurry, no desire, no trust. - Zig Ziglar

It's all right to be afraid. You just don't let it stop you from doing your job. - Jim Butcher

From an early age I understood that cooking was never going to be a job, it's a passion. - Gordon Ramsay

The sign of intelligent people is their ability to control emotions by the application of reason. - Marya Mannes

Leadership does not mean getting people to do their job. It means getting people to do their best. - Unknown

Wherever I go, people are waving at me. Maybe if I do a good job, they'll use all their fingers. - Frank King

I have a great, great company. I employ thousands of people. And I'm very proud of the job I did. - Donald Trump

A benefit of any job is laughter. It should never be a crime to have fun on the job. It may be a crime not to. - Terry Paulson

My job is not to make decisions but to set stretch objectives and help our managers work out how to reach them. - Sergio Marchionne

If you put all your strength and faith and vigor into a job, and try to do the best you can, the money will come. - Lawrence Welk

The leader's job is to see the best in human beings who have never caught sight of the best within themselves. - Robin Sharma

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

You can always tell a real friend: when you make a fool of yourself, he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job. - Laurence Peter

There is a difference between conceit and confidence. Conceit is bragging about yourself. Confidence means you believe you can get the job done. - Johnny Unitas

Schools must stop being holding pens to keep energetic young people off the job market and off the streets. We stretch puberty out a long, long time. - Toni Morrison


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