#1 humor site on the 'net

Secret For A Long, Happy Life

Learning to deal with stress

A passer-by noticed an old lady sitting on her front step. “I couldn't help noticing how happy you look! What is your secret for such a long, happy life?”

“I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day,” she said. “Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends I pop a huge number of pills and do no exercise at all.”
Secret For A Long, Happy Life thanks to Henry Archibald

A lifetime of whiskey

“This is absolutely amazing at your age!” says the passer-by. “How old are you?”

“Twenty four.”

QuotaBills
Life itself is a gift. - Daphne R Kingma

The best things in life are silly. - Scott Adams

Life is more fun if you play games. - Roald Dahl

If you want to serve an age, betray it. - Brendan Kennelly

Life is better with fresh baked cookies. - Unknown

There are no regrets in life, just lessons. - Jennifer Aniston

Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life. - Omar Khayyam

Life is too short to be living somebody else's dream. - Hugh Hefner

The only way to have a life is to commit to it like crazy. - Angelina Jolie

Fourty is the old age of youth; 50 is the youth of old age. - Victor Hugo

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. - Walter Bagehot

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteeen. - WC Fields

Steve Jobs changed my life. He also changed the life of every designer. - Yves Behar

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. - Josh Billings

When writing the story of your life, don't let anyone else hold the pen. - Unknown

Happiness is largely an attitude of mind, of viewing life from the right angle. - Dale Carnegie

The creed of a true saint is to make the best of life, and to make the most of it. - Edwin Hubbel Chapin

A photograph is a secret about a secret. The more it tells you, the less you know. - Duane Arbus

The power of finding beauty in the humblest things makes home happy and life lovely. - Louisa May Alcott

Our business in life is not to get ahead of other people, but to get ahead of ourselves. - Maltbie D. Matlock

Reason is not time only interpreter of life. The fountain of action is in time feelings. - Henry T. Tuckerman

Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King

One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duck tape to make them stop. - G.M. Weilacher

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. - Joseph Campbell

If you want to run, run a mile. If you want to experience a different life, run a marathon. - Emil Zatopek

If you live your life afraid because you're afraid to live, then you live no life at all. - Unknown

As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction. - Irish Saying

Having kids is the ultimate job in life. I want to be most successful at being a good father. - Nick Lachey

When you expect good, it's available constantly, and it makes itself a reality in your life. - Alfre Woodard

Lighten up, just enjoy life, smile more, laugh more, and don't get so worked up about things. - Kenneth Branagh

Leadership is not about titles, positions or flowcharts. It is about one life influencing another. - John C Maxwell

Faith is the centerpiece of a connected life. It allows us to live by the grace of invisible strands. - Terry T Williams

Learn to enjoy your own company. You are the one person you can count on living with for the rest of your life. - Ann Richards

There's a period of life when we swallow a knowledge of ourselves and it becomes either good or sour inside. - Pearl Bailey

One should never make one's debut in a scandal. One should reserve that to give interest to one's old age. - Oscar Wilde

A man’s life is interesting primarily when he has failed – I well know. For it’s a sign that he tried to surpass himself. - Georges Clemenceau

In this age of microblogging and two-second sound bites, almost no one has the attention span, or time, to read more than a few sentences. - Tim Frick

I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriend’s period has become painless for me. - Randy Kagan

Historically the family has played the primary role in educating children for life, with the school providing supplemental scaffolding to the family. - Stephen Covey


Pupkin Carving

Spooky Halloween House

Halloween Clouds

Eye Do

Halloween Pit Bull

Halloween Birth

Broom Size

Hobbit Halloween

Halloween Pie

Just Two Buddies Hanging Out

Jewbacca

Colour Wheel

Halloween Driver Costume

Book Cover Pumpkin

Cabin Illusion

Here Comes Baby

The Official Flag of 2020

Redneck DoorBells

Prison Olympics - Razor Wire High Jumping

Afghan Livestock Management

Elephant Hand

Venice on a Shoestring Budget

New Truck Key

Spiderman's Car