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Newfie Riding Lawn Mower

Looking After Your Wife: Special Treat for Her on Mother's Day

Last Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my deck, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. Doris from next door was so upset at this that she came over and shouted, “You lazy *&!#$%^&@! Sitting there drinking beer while your poor wife pushes that ancient lawn mower around! Get up off your backside and give her a break!”
I thought “Goodness! Women!” and I took a swig from my bottle of beer, wiped the cold foam from my lips and stared directly at this nosey neighbour and told her in no uncertain terms, “Bugger off and mind your own business. My wife has green fingers, and she really enjoys gardening.”
After a few days I felt really bad, so I went out and bought her a ride-on mower to show my sensitive side. I am so proud of the deal I got. I am also proud that my wife can now sit down while mowing the lawn.
Newfie Riding Lawn Mower thanks to Roy Taylor

Buying only the best to help the wife cut the lawn

Yes guys, after all, we should take good care of our wives. That way maybe they will take good care of us.
I know - I'm too soft with her. She'll probably want gears on it next!

QuotaBills
Minimum: A small mother - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Silence is the mother of truth. - Benjamin Disraeli

Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

Grammer: Your father's mother. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Leisure is the Mother of Philosophy. - Thomas Hobbes

Diligence is the mother of good fortune. - Benjamin Disraeli

A mother's love endures through all. - Washington Irving

Grammatical Error: When Grandma screws up - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Fearlessness is the mother of reinvention. - Arianna Huffington

Bagdad: What mother did when she met father - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You trust your mother, but you cut the cards. - Unknown

An ounce of mother is worth a tone of priest. - Spanish Proverb

The phrase working mother is redundant. - Jane Sellman

A mother understands what a child does not say. - Jewish Proverb

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother. - Oprah Winfrey

My mom had a very difficult childhood. My childhood. - Cindy Marzahn

Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side. - Archie Bunker

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. - Mae West

All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother. - Abraham Lincoln

Life doesn't come with a manual. It comes with a mother. - Unknown

Modern Mother: One who worries if her daughter gets in too early - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

Mother is a verb. It's something you do. Not just who you are. - Dorothy C Fisher

The story of a mother's life: trapped between a scream and a hug. - Cathy Guisewite

I don't believe in God because I don't believe in Mother Goose. - Clarence Darrow

There's only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. - English Proverb

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother. - Beverly Jones

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

Necessity may be the mother of invention, but play is certainly the father. - Roger von Oech

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation. - James E Faust

Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Henry Ward Beecher

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

Enthusiasm is the mother of effort, and without it nothing great was ever achieved. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

My mom always said, "You'd rather have smile lines than frown lines." - Cindy Crawford

My mother is no spring chicken although she has got as many chemicals in her as one. - Edna Everage

My nickname is 'Mom', but my full name is 'Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom.' - Unknown

My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey

Middle Age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature. - Harold Coffin

A grandmother is a little bit parent, a little bit teacher, and a little bit best friend. - Unknown

You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's. - Robert Frost

If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been. - Robert Brault

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong. - Unknown

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see you all day and now the day was complete. - Marcy DeMaree

The older I grow, the more I realize that my mother is the best 'best friend' that I ever had. - Unknown

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce. - Woody Allen

There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age. - Benjamin Spock

My mother always used to say, "The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana." - Betty White

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, Just wait. - Judy Tenuta

A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes. - Robert Frost

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

There is an endearing tenderness in the love of a mother to a son that transcends all other affections of the heart. - Washington Irving

When I moved out of my mom's house at 18 I was almost as sad to leave her sewing machine behind as anything else. - Beth Ditto

My mother reads the obituary page every day, but she could never understand how people always die in alphabetical order. - Frank Carson

My Mother: She is beautiful, softened at the edges and tempered with a spine of steel. I want to grow old and be like her. - Jodi Picoult

In most homes, the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. - Evan Esar

Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed. - Linda Wooten

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken. - James Dent

By embracing your mother wound as your yoga, you transform what has been a hindrance in your life into a teacher of the heart. - Phillip Moffitt

The rhythm of the footsteps, the sound of whatever is coming down the ladder is driving both me and my mom steadily toward peeing our pants. - Kendare Blake

Love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark ... to have been loved so deeply ... will give us some protection forever. - J K Rowling

Education commences on the mother's knee, and every word spoken within hearsay of little children tends toward the formation of character. - Hosea Ballou

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. - Sophia Loren

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

Never play cards with a man called Doc, never eat at a place called Mom's, and never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. - Nelson Algren

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain


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