QuotaBillsAbsentee: A missing golfing peg - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
You drive for show but putt for dough. - Bobby Locke
Work: The thing that interferes with golf. - Frank Dane
Forget your opponents; always play against par. - Sam Snead
Teetotaler: A golfer who only keeps track of drives - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. - H G Wells
Retire to what? I already play golf and fish for a living. - Julius Boros
Hold me, grip me, cherish me, pretend that I'm a golf club! - Unknown
Are we playing Men's Rules today or do we count every putt? - Unknown
Real golfers don't cry when they line up their fourth putt. - Unknown
Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well. - Unknown
When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. - Billy Graham
You realize just how bad a golfer you are when you play with Freddie. - Donald Trump
Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. - Will Rogers
If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. - Joey Adams
How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now. - Dwight D Eisenhower
They call it golf because all of the other four-letter names were taken. - Ray Floyd
I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. - Gerald R. Ford
Show me a good loser and I'll show you a man playing golf with his boss. - Unknown
Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you're dead. - Tommy Bolt
Good Sportsmanship: Not picking up lost golf balls while they are still rolling - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. - H L Mencken
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
One of the quickest ways to meet new people is to pick up the wrong ball on a golf course. - Unknown
If NASA really wants to find water on Mars, they should just send me there to hit a golf ball. - Gene Jaster
The biggest battle is never on the field, the fairway, the diamond or rink: it's in your mind. - Carey Neuhoff
I played golf. I didn't get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying. - Mitch Hedberg
Don't you just hate it when you try to think of something other than golf... and you can't? - Mike Purkey
The reason your golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so that you can't see him laughing. - Phyllis Diller
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. - Bob Hope
Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
I'm 42 around the chest, 52 around the waist, 92 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house. - Groucho Marx
Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. - Unknown
The biggest thing is just routine. I think that's the biggest correlation between golfers and basketball players. - Stephen Curry
One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. - Tiger Woods
Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. - Arthur Daley
Learning to play golf is like learning to play the violin. It's not only difficult to do, it's very painful to everyone around you. - Hal Linden