#1 humor site on the 'net

Five Stages of a Female's Life

Are you growing up or slimming down?

Five Stages of a Female's Life thanks to Phoebe Moll,Raub, North Dakota

1. To Grow Up

Five Stages of a Female's Life thanks to Phoebe Moll,Raub, North Dakota

2. To Fill Out

Five Stages of a Female's Life thanks to Phoebe Moll,Raub, North Dakota

3. To Slim Down

Five Stages of a Female's Life thanks to Phoebe Moll,Raub, North Dakota

4. To Hold It In

Five Stages of a Female's Life thanks to Phoebe Moll,Raub, North Dakota

5. To Heck with it...

QuotaBills
Women Liberteens - Archie Bunker

Women hold up half the sky. - Mao Zedong

So much work, so few women to do it. - Unknown

Well-behaved women never make history. - Maria Shriver

Women should be obscene and not heard. - Groucho Marx

Well-behaved women seldom make history. - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Hell hath no fury like a woman's corns. - Archie Bunker

For most of history, Anonymous was a woman. - Virginia Woolf

Women want love to be a novel. Men, a short story. - Daphne du Maurier

I've been told I'm a role model to many women. - Donald Trump

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. - Billy Crystal

Women like silent men, they think they're listening. - George Carlin

This is a feminist bookstore. There is no humour section. - John Callahan

If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything. - Marilyn Monroe

Irene Lorenzo, queen of the Women's Lubrication Movement. - Archie Bunker

Surely a pretty woman never looks prettier than when making tea. - Mary E. Braddon

She's loaded with this, waddya call, women's intermission. - Archie Bunker

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another. - H L Mencken

There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works. - Will Rogers

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them. - Groucho Marx

When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands. - H L Mencken

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Unknown

No one but a woman in love ever sees the maximum of men's greatness. - Anais Nin

I am a woman meant for a man, but I never found a man who could compete. - Bette Davis

That woman speaks eighteen languages and can't say no in any of them. - Dorothy Parker

Back then the women had babies, which they called in them days, begatten. - Archie Bunker

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone

The great majority of neuroses in women have their origin in the marriage bed. - Sigmund Freud

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat. - Oscar Wilde

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it. - Evan Esar

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. - Oscar Wilde

The most beautiful makeup for a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. - Yves St. Laurent

To God I speak Spanish, to women Italian, to men French, and to my horse - German. - Emperor Charles V

A man who moralizes is usually a hypocrite, and a woman who moralizes is usually plain. - Oscar Wilde

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. - Oscar Wilde

Nothing changes the gender equation more significantly than women's economic freedom. - Gloria Steinem

When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. - Cher

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women access to the mainstream of society. - Rush Limbaugh

One of the few articles of clothing that a man won't try to remove from a woman is an apron. - Marilyn Vos Savant

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied. - Oscar Wilde

To my eye, women get sexier around 35. They know a thing or two, and knowledge is always alluring. - Pierce Brosnan

The expression a woman wears on her face is far more important than the clothes she wears on her back. - Dale Carnegie

I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men - they are far superior and always have been. - William Golding

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. - Phyllis Diller

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age; a woman who would tell one would tell one anything. - Oscar Wilde

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

If women want any rights more than they got, why don't they just take them and not be talking about it? - Sojourner Truth

No woman is worth more than a fiver unless you're in love with her. Then she is worth all she costs you. - W Somerset Maugham

Sometimes a man just can't satisfy all of a woman's desires. Which is why God invented dental floss. - Unknown

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself. - Anais Nin

A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes. - Robert Frost

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

The scorn men express for a male who does housework is exceeded only by their aversion to a woman who doesn't. - Penny Kome

I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out. - Dolly Parton

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

Our duty, as men and women, is to proceed as if limits to our ability did not exist. We are collaborators in creation. - Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

Except for a few guitar chords, everything I've learned in my life that is of any value I've learned from women. - Glenn Frey

I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I'm more honest and my women are more beautiful. - Donald Trump

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. - Jerry Seinfeld

Part of the reason that men seem so much less loving than women is that men's behavior is measured with a feminine ruler. - Francesca M. Cancian

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

Every man and woman is born into the world to do something unique and distinctive, and if he or she does not do it, it will never be done. - Benjamin E. Mays

I was just so lucky with 'Real Women Have Curves.' At that point, I would have done an insurance commercial. I would have done anything. - America Ferrera


Straight From The Cow

Surf-In Lunch Snack

Lateral Thinking

Da Hood Shirt

Quiet Place To Study

No Beatle Haircuts

Lego Anatomy

His First Hot Rod

Hair Safety

Open Air Reader

Vacation At Last

Cutting Edge Delivery

Sunset Eclipse

Diet Swing

Lamp Escape

Strong Straws

Lucky Spectator

Breadlace

I Think I'll Hold It

Instant Coffee Tragedy

Cow Camouflage

Room For Two

Neandertallica

Key-o-Saurus