Five Stages of a Female's Life

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Some leaders are born women. - Unknown

Women and elephants never forget. - Dorothy Parker

Tis brief, my lord... as woman's love. - William Shakespeare

A woman's work is never done - by men. - Unknown

Put the light out, and all women are alike. - German Proverb

When women go wrong, men go right after them. - Mae West

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood. - Oscar Wilde

Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal. - Steve Rubenstein

Man can not live on chocolate alone.... but women can. - Unknown

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. - Billy Crystal

Women like silent men, they think they're listening. - George Carlin

All women are crazy, it's only a question of degree. - WC Fields

A weeping man and a smiling woman are not to be trusted. - Indian Proverb

We're women. We have a double standard to live up to. - Ally McBeal

I love bringing roses to a woman when she least expects it. - Esai Morales

I think housework is the reason most women go to the office. - Heloise Cruse

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. - Marcelene Cox

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. - WC Fields

A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. - Arnold Haultain

I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed. - Henny Youngman

I became a feminist as an alternative to becoming a masochist. - Sally Kempton

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. - Groucho Marx

Surely a pretty woman never looks prettier than when making tea. - Mary E. Braddon

Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another. - H L Mencken

Men fall in love with their eyes. Women fall in love with their ears. - Dr. Phil McGraw

Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown

Love is what happens to men and women who don’t know each other. - W Somerset Maugham

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence, and obsolescence. - Art Linkletter

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. - Oscar Wilde

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost

A man has to be Joe McCarthy to be called ruthless. All a woman has to do is put you on hold. - Marlo Thomas

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women - one cleaning and the other dusting. - Maurenn Murphy

Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women access to the mainstream of society. - Rush Limbaugh

Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes. - Oscar Wilde

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats. - Jean Kerr

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?" - Dumas

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. - Woody Allen

The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me. - George Bernard Shaw

A woman, especially if she has the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can. - Jane Austen

I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men - they are far superior and always have been. - William Golding

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view. - Sophia Loren

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

I see when men love women. They give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give everything. - Oscar Wilde

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? - Barbara Streisand

I like the West. That's where men are men and women are women, and it's hard to beat a combination like that. - Milton Berle

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong? - George Carlin

Men have trouble dealing with a woman in a position of authority. I've never had trouble with a woman in any position. - Sam Malone

Part of the reason that men seem so much less loving than women is that men's behavior is measured with a feminine ruler. - Francesca M. Cancian

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

From a shy, timid girl I had become a woman of resolute character, who could no longer be frightened by the struggle with troubles. - Anna Dostoevsky

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh. - Conan O'Brien

The widening of woman's sphere is to improve her lot. Let us do it, and if the world scoff, let it scoff - if it sneer, let it sneer. - Lucy Stone

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking. - Bill Vaughan

Every man and woman is born into the world to do something unique and distinctive, and if he or she does not do it, it will never be done. - Benjamin E. Mays

Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in. - Casey Stengel

I was just so lucky with 'Real Women Have Curves.' At that point, I would have done an insurance commercial. I would have done anything. - America Ferrera

A woman with confidence is hypnotic. A smile is mesmerizing. Presence, openness, a sense of humor - these are all things that make a woman attractive. - Jessica Ortner