#1 humor site on the 'net

Five Stages of a Female's Life

Are you growing up or slimming down?

Five Stages of a Female's Life thanks to Phoebe Moll,Raub, North Dakota

1. To Grow Up

Five Stages of a Female's Life thanks to Phoebe Moll,Raub, North Dakota

2. To Fill Out

Five Stages of a Female's Life thanks to Phoebe Moll,Raub, North Dakota

3. To Slim Down

Five Stages of a Female's Life thanks to Phoebe Moll,Raub, North Dakota

4. To Hold It In

Five Stages of a Female's Life thanks to Phoebe Moll,Raub, North Dakota

5. To Heck with it...

QuotaBills
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Wrong no man and write no woman. - Elbert Hubbard

Nag: A woman with no horse sense - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I married beneath me. All women do. - Lady Nancy Astor

Well-behaved women seldom make history. - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

There are no ugly women, only lazy ones. - Helena Rubinstein

A man's only as old as the woman he feels. - Groucho Marx

Behind every good woman is a lot of chocolate. - Unknown

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. - Timothy Leary

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood. - Oscar Wilde

As Unto The Bow The Cord Is, So Unto The Man Is Woman - Longfellow

A wit should be no more sincere than a woman constant. - William Congreve

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem

I like men who have a future and women who have a past. - Oscar Wilde

When the devil finds a lazy woman, he puts her to work. - Russian Proverb

Chaos: Three women discussing the two sides of an issue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Women like silent men. They think they're listening. - Marcel Achard

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. - WC Fields

Women's clothes: never wear anything that panics the cat. - P.J. O'Rourke

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. - Woodrow Wyatt

The only place men want depth in a woman is in her decolletage. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Trust no friend without faults, and love a woman, but no angel. - Doris Lessing

Thinnest Book in the World: 'What Men Know About Women' - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. - WC Fields

A woman will buy anything she thinks the store is losing money on. - Kin Hubbard

I love men, not because they are men, but because they are not women. - Queen Christina of Sweden

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

On one issue at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women. - H L Mencken

The best years of a woman's life - the ten years between 39 and 40. - Unknown

The 3 fastest means of communication: Twitter; Telephone; Tell a woman. - Unknown

I am a woman meant for a man, but I never found a man who could compete. - Bette Davis

That woman speaks eighteen languages and can't say no in any of them. - Dorothy Parker

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often. - Oliver Herford

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea. - Honore de Balzac

Sidesaddle: How men, rather than women, would ride in a truly logical world - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

A woman is like a teabag. Only in hot water do you realize how strong she is. - Nancy Reagan

He who has two women loses his soul. But he who has two homes loses his mind. - Ancient Proverb

She knew what all smart women knew: Laughter made you live better and longer. - Gail Parent

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. - Erma Bombeck

When I passed 40 I dropped pretence, 'cause men like women who got some sense. - Maya Angelou

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

A consultant is a man who knows 147 ways to make love, but doesn't know any women. - Unknown

When a man has once loved a woman he will do anything for her except continue to love her. - Oscar Wilde

Amnesia: The condition that enables a woman who has gone through labour to have sex again. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. - Rita Rudner

The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats. - Jean Kerr

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. - Unknown

A woman, especially if she has the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can. - Jane Austen

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view. - Sophia Loren

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with the word 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?" - Arnold Schwarzenegger

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself. - Anais Nin

A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes. - Robert Frost

I see when men love women. They give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give everything. - Oscar Wilde

She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. - Oscar Wilde

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship. - Oscar Wilde

We women know how to take care of everybody so well. But the one person we have written out of the equation is us. - Suze Orman

Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable. - Maya Angelou

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? - Barbara Streisand

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong? - George Carlin

From a shy, timid girl I had become a woman of resolute character, who could no longer be frightened by the struggle with troubles. - Anna Dostoevsky

Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. - Hoosier Farmer

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. - Arthur Schopenhauer

I believe there's an Almighty, and I believe the Almighty's great gift to each man and woman in this world is the desire to be free. - George W Bush

When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her but, alas, she was waiting for the ideal man. - Alain

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin

Never play cards with a man called Doc, never eat at a place called Mom's, and never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. - Nelson Algren


Computer Challenged

1st Rolex

Tennis Plant

Florida Moves Out Of Hurricane Zone

Small Bills

Denmark Traffic Signals

Nail Polish Lookalilikes

Game Car

Overloaded Mailbox

Redneck Phone

Enjoy Fresh Air

Bread Board

Snaccident

Mini Bar

Frisbee Stopper

Redneck Sushi

Redneck's Lo-Tech Mobile Phone

Downchuck

Border Agent Alert

Cadillac Clearance

Leading By Example

Wired For Coffee

Cadillac Bike

Chip and Dip