#1 humor site on the 'net

Cat Swimming at the Olympics

Olympic events expanded to include cat swimming

Cat Swimming at the Olympics thanks to Henry Archibald

Cat Olympian

QuotaBills
Just keep swimming. - Finding Nemo

Curiosity killed the cat. - English Proverb

A meowing cat catches no mice. - Yiddish proverb

After dark, all cats are leopards. - Zuni Proverb

Don't judge a cat by its coat. - Magdalena VandenBerg

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

When the cat dies, the mice rejoice. - African saying

Cataract: Where cats hang their coats. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

A cat bitten once by a snake dreads even rope. - Arab Proverb

A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution. - Hazel Nicholson

Water Polo: What horses play in the swimming pool - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

First Aid Kit: A cat that works for the Red Cross. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain

This is the place to be - in the land of swimming pools. - David Hockney

Women's clothes: never wear anything that panics the cat. - P.J. O'Rourke

No man drowns if he perseveres in praying to God, and can swim. - Russian Proverb

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life. - Faith Resnick

The Cat. He walked by himself, and all places were alike to him. - Rudyard Kipling

If the cat sits long enough at the hole, it will catch the mouse. - Irish proverb

Leadership, like swimming, cannot be learned by reading about it. - Henry Mintzberg

Hairball: When a cat throws up to the basketball hoop, and misses - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

A lame cat is better than a swift horse when rats infest the palace. - Chinese Proverb

The Republic of China - back in the Olympic Games for the first time. - David Coleman

A dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. - WC Fields

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. - Garrison Keillor

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. - Groucho Marx

It doesn't matter if a cat is black or white, so long as it catches mice. - Deng Xiaoping

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. - Mark Twain

The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives. - Mark Twain

When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam,
May luck be yours on Halloween. - Unknown

Don't be a fish; be a frog. Swim in the water and jump when you hit ground. - Kim Young-ha

In the Moscow Olympics, Lasse Viren came in fifth and ran a champion's race. - David Coleman

When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade without further introduction. - Mark Twain

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back. - Will Rogers

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat. - Mark Twain

Sleep is like my cat. I can call him by his name, but he still won't come to me. - Shane Koyczan

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. - Ann Landers

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

If I swim in the ocean, I have a shark thought. Not a bad one, but just a little one. - Tea Leoni

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Winston Churchill

In matters of style, swim with the current. In matters of principle, stand like a rock. - Thomas Jefferson

I love cats because I enjoy my home, and little by little they become its visible soul. - Jean Cocteau

Without my Vulcan cat suit, Frankenstein wig and pointed ears, I don't get recognized. - Jolene Blalock

I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. - Hippolyte Taine

If you don't try to win you might as well hold the Olympics in somebody's backyard. - Jesse Owens

Skunk: 1. A streamlined cat with a 2-tone finish and a fluid drive; 2. A community scenter. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. - Charles Darwin

I guess you would say I'd be like the Michael Phelps of swimming if he wasn't there. - Ryan Lochte

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

I think 99 times and find nothing. I stop thinking, swim in silence, and the truth comes to me. - Albert Einstein

When witches go riding and black cats are seen,
The moon laughs and whispers, 'tis near Halloween. - Unknown

I keep fit. Every morning, I do a hundred laps of an Olympic-sized swimming pool - in a small motor launch. - Peter Cook

I will be deafer than the blue-eyed cat, And thrice as blind as any noonday owl, To holy virgins in their ecstasies. - Alfred Tennyson

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

It's better to swim in the sea below
Than to swing in the air and feed the crow,
Says jolly Ned Teach of Bristol. - Benjamin Franklin

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake? - Dylan Moran

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the winter Olympics. - Marvin Olasky

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo

When I hear of an 'equity' in a case like this, I am reminded of a blind man in a dark room - looking for a black cat - which isn't there. - Charles Bowen


Ostrich Fill Up

Calory Bomb

Interuption Charge

Reach For Your Dreams

Perception

Jeopardy Measuring Cup

All We Have To Do Is Stand Up

Vacuum Extender

BrownEes

Chinese Puzzle Car

Always Give 100% At Work

Ancient Politician

My Toaster Is Broken

Shining Stars

Tunnel Face

The Bugs Are Bad This Year

Dog Spa

Ostrich Imprint

Local Crabs

World's First Hard Hat

Bird Melons

Bag Hang-Up

LippoPotumus

Haircut For Staff Meetings