Why Men Shouldn't Babysit

Burn rubber, not your soul, baby. - Craig Fernandez

Conceit is God's gift to little men. - Bruce Barton

Clever men are good, but they are not the best. - Thomas Carlyle

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose. - Steven Wright

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. - Billy Crystal

Some men by ancestry are only the shadow of a mighty name. - Etheridge Knight

He knows his olive trees better than he knows his children. - Rebecca Helm-Ropelato

Children should neither be seen nor heard from - ever again. - WC Fields

Few rich men own their own property. The property owns them. - Robert G Ingersoll

Little children, little sorrows; big children, great sorrows. - Danish Proverb

I don't teach my children what is Hindu and what is Muslim. - Shah Rukh Khan

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass

The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do. - B.F. Skinner

It is of men, and of them only, that one should always be frightened. - Louis-Ferdinand Céline

If we don't stand up for children, then we don't stand for much. - Marian W. Edelman

Young men soon give, and soon forget, affronts; old age is slow in both. - Joseph Addison

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children. - Robert Benchley

Great men are rarely isolated mountain peaks; they are the summits of ranges. - Thomas W. Higginson

The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober. - William Butler Yeats

Children are paparazzi. They take your picture when you don't want them to. - Jamie Lee Curtis

Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot, or herding together in turbulent mobs? - Washington Irving

You know children are growing up when they start asking questions that have answers. - John J Plomp

The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear. - Herbert Agar

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making. - Fred Allen

We are the children of many sires, and every drop of blood in us in its turn ... betrays its ancestor. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

I have gathered a posie of other men's flowers, and nothing but the thread that binds them is my own. - Michel de Montaigne

Man is more interesting than men. God made him and not them in his image. Each one is more precious than all. - Andre Gide

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

Sensitive love letters are my specialty: "Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You. P.S. I'm gay." - Homer Simpson

The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton

What was most significant about the lunar voyage was not that men set foot on the moon but that they set eye on the earth. - Norman Cousins

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. - Jerry Seinfeld

If I had one wish for my children, it would be that each of them would reach for goals that have meaning for them as individuals. - Lillian Carter

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field? - Jim Bouton

The secret of many a man's success in the world resides in his insight into the moods of men and his tact in dealing with them. - J.G. Holland

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies?
There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made. - Groucho Marx