When A Canadian Guy Plans The Wedding

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

I was so cold I almost got married. - Shelley Winters

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - American Saying

To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Unknown

Now a soft kiss; Aye, by that kiss, I vow an endless bliss. - John Keats

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Unknown

I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer

I would rather be a beggar and single than a queen and married. - Queen Elizabeth I

The key to success? Work hard, stay focused and marry a Kennedy. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. - Red Skelton

There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long. - Unknown

I've been married so long I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce. - Susan Vass

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman

I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life. - Oscar Wilde

Well, at least he has found his true love - what a pity he can't marry himself. - Frank Sinatra

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. - Rita Rudner

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

If you never want to see a man again, just tell him, "I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have children." They leave skid marks. - Rita Rudner

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster