When A Canadian Guy Plans The Wedding

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

If you marry for money you will earn every penny. - Dr. Phil McGraw

Getting married is an incredible act of hopefulness. - Ashley Judd

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

Second Marriage: The triumph of hope over experience. - Samuel Johnson

Onion Rings: Worn by vegetables when they get married - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

I would rather be a beggar and single than a queen and married. - Queen Elizabeth I

The key to success? Work hard, stay focused and marry a Kennedy. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Men are my hobby. If I ever got married, I'd have to give it up. - Mae West

Never marry anyone you could not sit next to during a three-day bus trip. - Roger Ebert

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

The great majority of neuroses in women have their origin in the marriage bed. - Sigmund Freud

In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person. - Wilbert Donald Gough

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. - Rita Rudner

If you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him! - Rita Rudner

A good marriage was one in which each person thought he or she was getting the better deal. - Anne Lamott

If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife. - Ann Landers

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. - Phyllis Diller

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. - John Wilmot

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day. - Mickey Rooney

The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. - Albert Einstein

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx