#1 humor site on the 'net

New Rolling Stones Guitarist

Go, Jean-e, Go!

New Rolling Stones Guitarist thanks to Martin Grosse

QuotaBills
The only truth is music. - Jack Kerouac

Go where the guitar takes you. - Unknown

Music is the shorthand of emotion. - Leo Tolstoy

He has Van Gogh's ear for music. - Billy Wilder

The piano has been drinking, not me. - Tom Waits

Music is the soundtrack of your life. - Dick Clark

Music is the strongest form of magic. - Marilyn Manson

Kind words are the music of the world. - F.W. Faber

Country Music: Three chords and the truth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Snoring: 1. Sheet music; 2. Sound sleeping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Rock and roll: music for the neck downwards. - Keith Richards

Upright Piano: The noblest musical instrument - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

Music is like a dream. One that I cannot hear. - Ludwig van Beethoven

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe. - Lao Tzu

Music is to the soul what words are to the mind. - Unknown

Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence. - Robert Fripp

I like your opera. I think I will set it to music. - Ludwig van Beethoven

Why pluck one string when you can strum the guitar? - Aaron Weiss

Musician: Someone who makes a living by playing around - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know. - Louis Armstrong

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end. - Igor Stravinsky

Virtually every writer I know would rather be a musician. - Kurt Vonnegut

Music - what a powerful instrument, what a mighty weapon! - Maria Augusta von Trapp

You just pick a chord, go twang, and you've got music. - Sid Vicious

Modern music is three farts and a raspberry, orchestrated. - John Barbirolli

After Rossini dies, who will there be to promote his music? - Richard Wagner

Classical music is music written by famous dead foreigners. - Arlene Heath

We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams. - Arthur O'Shaughnessy

Music can name the unnameable and communicate the unknowable. - Leonard Bernstein

No one can whistle a symphony. It takes an orchestra to play it. - Halford E Luccock

The symphony must be like the world. It must embrace everything. - Gustav Mahler

Music is the mediator between the spiritual and the sensual life. - Ludwig van Beethoven

A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it. - Thomas Beecham

The main thing the public demands of a composer is that he be dead. - Arthur Honegger

If you play acoustic guitar you're the depressed, sensitive guy. - Elliott Smith

Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Music is the divine way to tell beautiful, poetic things to the heart. - Pablo Casals

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it. - Tom Lehrer

If you want to lead the orchestra, you must turn your back on the crowd. - Max Lucado

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. - Albert Schweitzer

The power of music feels like taking a a nice brake from this busy world. - Millie DeWitt

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. - George Carlin

Music acts like a magic key, to which the most tightly closed heart opens. - Maria Augusta von Trapp

Softly, deftly, music shall caress you. Hear it, feel it, secretly possess you. - Charles Hart

The trouble with dancing naked is that not everything stops when the music does. - Unknown

Music has charms to sooth a savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak. - William Congreve

Music is the only thing I've ever known that doesn't have any rules at all. - Josh Homme

I'm a producer for fun. I'm not a professional schooled musician or anything. - Afrojack

If you're in jazz and more than ten people like you, you're labeled commercial. - Herbie Mann

Music is an agreeable harmony for the honor of God and the permissible delights of the soul. - Johann Sebastian Bach

Music brings a warm glow to my vision, thawing mind and muscle from their endless wintering. - Haruki Murakami

Music has healing power. It has the ability to take people out of themselves for a few hours. - Elton John

Words make you think a thought. Music makes you feel a feeling. A song makes you feel a thought. - E Y Harburg

How is it that music can, without words, evoke our laughter, our fears, our highest aspirations? - Jane Swan

Give me a guitar, give me a piano, give me a broom and string, I wouldn't get bored anywhere. - Keith Richards

By the time I taught myself the bass guitar at the age of 14, my hands were already pretty nimble. - John Entwistle

Any problem that you can't solve with a good guitar is either unsolvable or isn't a problem. - Unknown

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular? - David Sarnoff

Except for a few guitar chords, everything I've learned in my life that is of any value I've learned from women. - Glenn Frey

Piano playing is more difficult than statesmanship. It is harder to awake emotions in ivory keys than it is in human beings. - Ignace Jan Paderewski

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes. - Sir Thomas Beecham

I love power. But it is as an artist that I love it. I love it as a musician loves his violin, to draw out its sounds and chords and harmonies. - Napoleon Bonaparte

If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music. - Albert Einstein


Martini Shirt

Mal Nutrition

Stowaway Soccer Fan

Watch Out For Slugger

Canada Frigate

Shimmy Car-nage

Texas Cow Cleaner

DogWood

The Floater

How We Played Online Before The Internet

Sports Hernias

Redneck Power Windows

Star Wars Howl

Leaning Bookshelves

Sometimes Dads Are Wet For Work

Dad Sandwich

Months Apart

Swing Dad

Dadspiration

Daddy, Can I Ride It?

Leaf Surgery

No Wheeler

Dad's Ex-Ferrari

Privileged Corvette Parking