Granny Fanny Sues Bank

Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope

Lawyers are the jackals of commerce. - Elbert Hubbard

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb

Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover

OK, if you can get an indepartial judge. - Archie Bunker

A flagrant violation of international law. - Unknown

Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson

Keep skunks, bankers and lawyers at a distance. - Unknown

I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer. - Oliver North

Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker

We are never to judge a philosophy by its abuse. - Augustine

Lawyers and painters can soon change white to black. - Henry G Bohn

Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it. - Addison Mizner

After money in the bank, a grudge is the next best thing. - Anthony Trollope

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? - George Carlin

The ablest lawyers are always associated with the biggest fees. - Clarence Darrow

Lawyers are like beavers. They get in the mainstream and dam it up. - John Naisbitt

He who will always be his own lawyer will often have a fool for a client. - J Hunter

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson

You cannot live without the lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate

Lawyers are like scissors; they never cut each other, but what is between them. - Unknown

Lawyers generally know too much of law to have a very clear perception of justice. - Eliza Cook

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. - Oscar Wilde

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. - Bob Hope

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson

To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt. - Elizabeth C Stanton

It is the trade of lawyers to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour. - Thomas Jefferson

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Lawyers are like the knights of old. You can use them to plunder other people's stuff. - Gene Gordon

If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place. - George Savile

At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst. - Aristotle

The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges. - Anatole France

A lawyer is a gentleman that rescues your estate from your enemies and then keeps it to himself. - Henry P Brougham

We lawyers learn to study the faces of our witnesses, to form quick judgments, and to act upon them. - Lyman Abbott

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller

People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold, but so has a hard-boiled egg. - Unknown

I have a huge interest in hockey because I grew up in Canada, where it's kind of the law that you love hockey. - Matthew Perry

Some lawyers are like unto the camel, which, before drinking out of a brook, maketh the water turbid with his foot. - Adolphus W Ward

If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem. - J Paul Getty

That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

Lawyers were notorious for finding cases in the most unlikely places, especially ones with huge potential damage awards. - Jodi Picoult

How lawyers make work for one another! You're all priests, worshipping the same god. No wonder you adore one another. - Joyce Carol Oates

Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot

Lawyers are like cheeses. There are lots of good ones, but not everybody likes the taste of some or can afford the best of others. - Robin Ellison

Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille

The Post Office just recalled their newest stamps. They had a picture of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. - Marvin Lebman