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Come-Back Line Of The Year
Lawyer tries to trip up a police officer on the stand
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...
Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q: Officer, who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A: Yes sir, with my life.
Q: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?
A: Yes sir, we do.
Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
A: Yes sir, I do.
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes sir.
Q: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for the year's 'Best Come-Back Line of The Year'
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q: Officer, who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A: Yes sir, with my life.
Q: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?
A: Yes sir, we do.
Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
A: Yes sir, I do.
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes sir.
Q: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for the year's 'Best Come-Back Line of The Year'
Necessity hath no law. - Oliver Cromwell
Criminal Lawer: A redundancy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Judge me when you are perfect. - Unknown
Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope
Common sense often makes good law. - William O Douglas
Lawsuits: Clothes worn by an attorney - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The good lawyer is the great salesman. - Janet Reno
Don't judge your taco by its price. - Hunter S. Thompson
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb
Law is order, and good law is good order. - Aristotle
Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller
To live outside the law, you must be honest. - Bob Dylan
Laws do not persuade just because they threaten. - Seneca
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire
The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren
In the Halls of Justice, the only justice is in the halls. - Lenny Bruce
The laws of nature are but the mathematical thoughts of God. - Euclid
Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made. - Otto von Bismarck
Laws are not masters but servants, and he rules them who obeys them. - Henry Ward Beecher
All the honesty in the world ain't legal tender for a loaf of bread. - Josh Billings
Layers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished. - Jeremy Bentham
I don't want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is. - Roy M. Cohn
The only stable state is the one in which all men are equal before the law. - Aristotle
The first and fundamental law of nature is to seek out peace and follow it. - Thomas Hobbes
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of any itch is inversely proportional to the reach - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson
Permit me to issue and control the money of a nation, and I care not who makes its laws. - Mayer A. Rothschild
My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez
Law: an ordinance of reason for the common good, made by him who has care of the community. - Thomas Aquinas
I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe. - Dalai Lama
Disease is war with the laws of our being, and all war, as a great general has said, is hell. - Lewis G. Janes
It happens to be against two laws: God's and man's. I'm booking her on the second. - Cornell Wilde
A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. - Agatha Christie
The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on. - Ronnie Corbett
Self-preservation is the first law of nature, but self-sacrifice is the highest rule of grace. - Unknown
The law was made for one thing alone - for the exploitation of those who don't understand it. - Bertoit Brecht
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Put least trust in him who is foremost to praise you,
Nor judge of a road till it draw to the end. - John B O'Reilly
Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest. - Sri Chinmoy
The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers
No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. - Henny Youngman
Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe
A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people. - John F Kennedy
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby
Musical innovation is full of danger to the State, for when modes of music change, the fundamental laws of the State always change with them. - Plato
Never utter these words: 'I do not know this, therefore it is false.' One must study to know; know to understand; understand to judge. - Apothegm of Narda
Music is amoral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything. - Plato
There must be some honest lawyers at the New York bar, and some impartial judges on the New York bench, but I should not like to be set to find them. - Lyman Abbott
Criminal Lawer: A redundancy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Judge me when you are perfect. - Unknown
Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope
Common sense often makes good law. - William O Douglas
Lawsuits: Clothes worn by an attorney - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The good lawyer is the great salesman. - Janet Reno
Don't judge your taco by its price. - Hunter S. Thompson
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb
Law is order, and good law is good order. - Aristotle
Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller
To live outside the law, you must be honest. - Bob Dylan
Laws do not persuade just because they threaten. - Seneca
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire
The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren
In the Halls of Justice, the only justice is in the halls. - Lenny Bruce
The laws of nature are but the mathematical thoughts of God. - Euclid
Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made. - Otto von Bismarck
Laws are not masters but servants, and he rules them who obeys them. - Henry Ward Beecher
All the honesty in the world ain't legal tender for a loaf of bread. - Josh Billings
Layers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished. - Jeremy Bentham
I don't want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is. - Roy M. Cohn
The only stable state is the one in which all men are equal before the law. - Aristotle
The first and fundamental law of nature is to seek out peace and follow it. - Thomas Hobbes
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of any itch is inversely proportional to the reach - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson
Permit me to issue and control the money of a nation, and I care not who makes its laws. - Mayer A. Rothschild
My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez
Law: an ordinance of reason for the common good, made by him who has care of the community. - Thomas Aquinas
I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe. - Dalai Lama
Disease is war with the laws of our being, and all war, as a great general has said, is hell. - Lewis G. Janes
It happens to be against two laws: God's and man's. I'm booking her on the second. - Cornell Wilde
A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. - Agatha Christie
The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on. - Ronnie Corbett
Self-preservation is the first law of nature, but self-sacrifice is the highest rule of grace. - Unknown
The law was made for one thing alone - for the exploitation of those who don't understand it. - Bertoit Brecht
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Put least trust in him who is foremost to praise you,
Nor judge of a road till it draw to the end. - John B O'Reilly
Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest. - Sri Chinmoy
The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers
No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. - Henny Youngman
Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe
A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people. - John F Kennedy
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby
Musical innovation is full of danger to the State, for when modes of music change, the fundamental laws of the State always change with them. - Plato
Never utter these words: 'I do not know this, therefore it is false.' One must study to know; know to understand; understand to judge. - Apothegm of Narda
Music is amoral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything. - Plato
There must be some honest lawyers at the New York bar, and some impartial judges on the New York bench, but I should not like to be set to find them. - Lyman Abbott
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