If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...
Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q: Officer, who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A: Yes sir, with my life.
Q: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?
A: Yes sir, we do.
Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
A: Yes sir, I do.
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes sir.
Q: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with
your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a
room you share with those same officers?
A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and
sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt
recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated
for the year's 'Best Come-Back Line of The Year'
The law itself follows gold. - Propertius
Useless laws weaken necessary laws. - Charles de Secondat
Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller
Lawyers are fleas on the hide of human nature. - Stephen King
Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker
The comeback is always stronger than the setback. - Unknown
Lawyers and painters can soon change white to black. - Henry G Bohn
I have always fought for concrete facts, for justice. - Fidel Castro
Lawyers are in the business of advocacy, not judgment. - Allan C Hutchinson
It is an ill cause that the lawyer thinks shame o'. - John Ray
Good lawyers know the law. Great lawyers know the judge. - Unknown
Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde
What a cage is to the wild beast, law is to the selfish man. - Herbert Spencer
It is a secret worth knowing, that lawyers rarely go to law. - Moses Crowell
How many lawyer jokes are there? One, the rest are true stories. - Thomas F Shubnell
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin
You can not stop the spread of an idea by passing a law against it. - Harry S Truman
Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes. - Samuel Butler
A lawyer is an odd sort of fish, first rotten, then green, then ripe. - Robert Christy
Recompense injury with justice, and recompense kindness with kindness. - Confucius
It is a lot harder now to be a police officer than what it used to be. - Steven Seagal
If you have ten thousand regulations you destroy all respect for the law. - Winston Churchill
Tennis is like a lawsuit: activity from across the court is often surprising. - Unknown
The duty of a judge is to administer justice, but his practice is to delay it. - Jean de la Bruyere
The police force cannot be completely independent of the executive government. - P Chidambaram
Humour is based on a modicum of truth. Ever heard a joe-k about a father-in-law? - Dick Clark
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? - George Carlin
Lawyers are operators of toll bridges which anyone in search of justice must pass. - Jane Bryant Quinn
It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle
My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson
To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt. - Elizabeth C Stanton
Law: an ordinance of reason for the common good, made by him who has care of the community. - Thomas Aquinas
If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers become his heirs. - Edgar Watson Howe
A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. - Agatha Christie
Every setback is a setup for a comeback. God wants to bring you out better than you were before. - Joel Osteen
There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy. - Goldie Hawn
We lawyers learn to study the faces of our witnesses, to form quick judgments, and to act upon them. - Lyman Abbott
The trouble with our laws these days is that the criminals know their rights better than their wrongs. - Unknown
People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide. - Will Rogers
Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods. - Albert Einstein
Plant seeds of happiness, hope, success, and love; it will all come back to you in abundance. This is the law of nature. - Steve Maraboli
The main business of a lawyer is to take the romance, the mystery, the irony, the ambiguity out of everything he touches. - Antonin Scalia
The Supreme Court's only armor is the cloak of public trust; its sole ammunition, the collective hopes of our society. - Irving R. Kaufman
What's the first excellence in a lawyer? Tautology. What's the second? Tautology. What's the third? Tautology. - Richard Steele
Lawyers are like professional wrestlers. They pretend to get mad and fight, but then they socialize after a trial is over. - Robert Whitlow
God has already arranged a comeback for every setback, a vindication for every wrong, a new beginning for every disappointment. - Joel Osteen
A judge who likes every outcome he reaches is very likely a bad judge, stretching for results he prefers rather than those the law demands. - Neil Gorsuch
Never utter these words: 'I do not know this, therefore it is false.' One must study to know; know to understand; understand to judge. - Apothegm of Narda