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Come-Back Line Of The Year
Lawyer tries to trip up a police officer on the stand
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...
Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q: Officer, who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A: Yes sir, with my life.
Q: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?
A: Yes sir, we do.
Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
A: Yes sir, I do.
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes sir.
Q: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for the year's 'Best Come-Back Line of The Year'
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q: Officer, who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A: Yes sir, with my life.
Q: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?
A: Yes sir, we do.
Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
A: Yes sir, I do.
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes sir.
Q: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for the year's 'Best Come-Back Line of The Year'
Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope
Lawyers are merchants of misery. - Nancy Levit
Lawyers are the jackals of commerce. - Elbert Hubbard
OK, if you can get an indepartial judge. - Archie Bunker
Don't judge folks by their relatives. - Unknown
Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller
Judge a man by the reputation of his enemies. - Arabian Proverb
The police are recruited from the criminal classes. - Gore Vidal
The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws. - Tacitus
Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Laws, like spider webs, catch flies and let hawks go free. - Spanish Proverb
Sometimes justice is at its most merciful when it's blind. - Nancy Gibbs
Lawyers are like rabbits. They have a nasty habit of multiplying. - Leo Reilly
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. - Dalai Lama
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. - Wayne W. Dyer
Laws are not masters but servants, and he rules them who obeys them. - Henry Ward Beecher
A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo
The laws of probability - so true in general, so fallacious in particular. - Edward Gibbon
True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown
I was thinking about making a comeback, until I pulled a muscle vacuuming. - Johnny Bench
Ignorance, allied with power, is the most ferocious enemy justice can have. - James Baldwin
Sleeping is my drug; my bed is my dealer; and my alarm clock is the police. - Unknown
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. - Robert Louis Stevenson
I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford? - Blanche Knott
Time is money, especially when you're talking to a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe-kster
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? - George Carlin
Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead
If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey, he is obligated to do so. - Thomas Jefferson
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races. - Homer Simpson
A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. - Agatha Christie
Self-preservation is the first law of nature, but self-sacrifice is the highest rule of grace. - Unknown
At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst. - Aristotle
There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy. - Goldie Hawn
Whatever their other contributions to our society, lawyers could be an important source of protein. - Guindon
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I used the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen
Why don't you ever hear of a lawyer getting attacked by a shark at the beach? Professional courtesy. - Thomas F Shubnell
Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde
There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown
There is one kind of robber whom the law does not strike at, and who steals what is most precious to men: time. - Napoleon Bonaparte
Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods. - Albert Einstein
Some lawyers are like unto the camel, which, before drinking out of a brook, maketh the water turbid with his foot. - Adolphus W Ward
Plant seeds of happiness, hope, success, and love; it will all come back to you in abundance. This is the law of nature. - Steve Maraboli
How lawyers make work for one another! You're all priests, worshipping the same god. No wonder you adore one another. - Joyce Carol Oates
It is the business of a lawyer to find a hole to creep out of any law that is in his way; and if there is no hole, to make one. - W Ouseley
The question arises: whether all lawyers are the same. This is like asking whether everything that gets into a sewer is garbage. - Florynce R Kennedy
A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people. - John F Kennedy
Too many young folk have an addiction to superficial things and not enough conviction for substantial things like justice, truth and love. - Cornel West
There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant
Lawyers are merchants of misery. - Nancy Levit
Lawyers are the jackals of commerce. - Elbert Hubbard
OK, if you can get an indepartial judge. - Archie Bunker
Don't judge folks by their relatives. - Unknown
Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller
Judge a man by the reputation of his enemies. - Arabian Proverb
The police are recruited from the criminal classes. - Gore Vidal
The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws. - Tacitus
Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Laws, like spider webs, catch flies and let hawks go free. - Spanish Proverb
Sometimes justice is at its most merciful when it's blind. - Nancy Gibbs
Lawyers are like rabbits. They have a nasty habit of multiplying. - Leo Reilly
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. - Dalai Lama
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. - Wayne W. Dyer
Laws are not masters but servants, and he rules them who obeys them. - Henry Ward Beecher
A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo
The laws of probability - so true in general, so fallacious in particular. - Edward Gibbon
True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown
I was thinking about making a comeback, until I pulled a muscle vacuuming. - Johnny Bench
Ignorance, allied with power, is the most ferocious enemy justice can have. - James Baldwin
Sleeping is my drug; my bed is my dealer; and my alarm clock is the police. - Unknown
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. - Robert Louis Stevenson
I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford? - Blanche Knott
Time is money, especially when you're talking to a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe-kster
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? - George Carlin
Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead
If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey, he is obligated to do so. - Thomas Jefferson
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races. - Homer Simpson
A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. - Agatha Christie
Self-preservation is the first law of nature, but self-sacrifice is the highest rule of grace. - Unknown
At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst. - Aristotle
There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy. - Goldie Hawn
Whatever their other contributions to our society, lawyers could be an important source of protein. - Guindon
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I used the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen
Why don't you ever hear of a lawyer getting attacked by a shark at the beach? Professional courtesy. - Thomas F Shubnell
Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde
There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown
There is one kind of robber whom the law does not strike at, and who steals what is most precious to men: time. - Napoleon Bonaparte
Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods. - Albert Einstein
Some lawyers are like unto the camel, which, before drinking out of a brook, maketh the water turbid with his foot. - Adolphus W Ward
Plant seeds of happiness, hope, success, and love; it will all come back to you in abundance. This is the law of nature. - Steve Maraboli
How lawyers make work for one another! You're all priests, worshipping the same god. No wonder you adore one another. - Joyce Carol Oates
It is the business of a lawyer to find a hole to creep out of any law that is in his way; and if there is no hole, to make one. - W Ouseley
The question arises: whether all lawyers are the same. This is like asking whether everything that gets into a sewer is garbage. - Florynce R Kennedy
A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people. - John F Kennedy
Too many young folk have an addiction to superficial things and not enough conviction for substantial things like justice, truth and love. - Cornel West
There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant
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