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Clean As Cold Water

Grandfather knows how to clean the dishes

Clean As Cold Water thanks to Warren Ralston

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of the state. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather, “Are these plates clean?”

His grandfather replied, “Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal.”

That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes so he asked again, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”

Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don’t ask me about it anymore!”

Later that afternoon, as he was on his way out to get the paper, the dog started to growl and would not let him pass. “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me out.”

Without diverting his attention from the football game his Grandfather was watching, he shouted, “Coldwater, move!”

QuotaBills
Happiness is a warm puppy. - Charles Schulz

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Zit: Command given to a spotted dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

A good bone does not always come to a good dog. - French Proverb

Pants: Something a dog does and a man steps into - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

We're just sweeping dirty dishes under the rug. - Archie Bunker

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend. - Corey Ford

Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou

No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon

The three words every woman really longs to hear: I'll clean up. - Molly Shannon

I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. - Roseanne Barr

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty. - Cecil Baxter

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

If I could be half the person my dog is, I'd be twice the human I am. - Unknown

Clean and nourish your mind every day. It can easily become a garbage bin. - Unknown

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

Observe your dog: if he's fat, then you're not getting enough exercise. - Evan Esar

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean. - Erma Bombeck

Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Winston Churchill

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. - Mark Twain

I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up. - Groucho Marx

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women - one cleaning and the other dusting. - Maurenn Murphy

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

When we traded the buffalo for a mare, we had no milk to drink, and we still had droppings to clean up. - Punjab Proverb

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. - Joan Rivers

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is certain dogs I know will go to heaven, and very, very few people. - James Thurber

I would like to thank Tetris for providing me with the skills to jam as many dishes as possibly into my dishwasher. - Herb Pankratz

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron

The nice thing about being detained in Canada is it's like being in a Days Inn; it's very clean and very nice. - Bill Ayers

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

The trout enjoys the river,
The whale enjoys the sea,
And dogs love most an old lamp-post,
But you're my cup of tea. - W H Auden

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion... I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. - Kurt Vonnegut

Regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind. - Mahatma Gandhi


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