Benched Puppies

Every dog has his day. - Unknown

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker

Don't give up on your dreams - keep sleeping. - Unknown

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping. - Mark Twain

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

A hot dog at the ballpark is better than a steak at the Ritz. - Humphrey Bogart

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone. - Anthony Burgess

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours. - Arthur Baer

If you can't sleep do not count the sheep, worship the Shepherd. - Unknown

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Bernard Williams

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

If I'm traveling, I'll pack socks in my bag - really cute furry ones. - Nicki Minaj

My feet will want to walk to where you are sleeping, but I shall go on living. - Pablo Neruda

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know? - Ernest Hemingway

Sleep is like my cat. I can call him by his name, but he still won't come to me. - Shane Koyczan

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. - Dave Barry

Death had to take him in his sleep, for if he was awake there'd have been a fight. - Theodore Roosevelt

Bound by paperwork, short on hands, sleep, and energy... nurses are rarely short on caring. - Sharon Hudacek

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

Never work just for money or power. They won't save your soul or help you sleep at night. - Marian Wright Edelman

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

For we are such stuff as dreams are made on
And our little lives are rounded with a sleep. - William Shakespeare

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

Little girls are cute and small only to adults. To one another they are not cute. They are life-sized. - Margaret Atwood

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin