Only In Texas

Texas is as odd as it is vast. - Henry Rollins

Horse ovaries (hors d'oeuvres) - Archie Bunker

You can always tell a Texan, but not much. - Unknown

A unicorn is just a horse with a point of view. - Ron Sexsmith

Care, and not fine stables, makes a good horse. - Danish Proverb

The old horse in the stable still yearns to run. - Mongolian Proverb

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. - Groucho Marx

The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren

Texas is a hotbed of insanely good bands and musicians. - Henry Rollins

A rabbit's foot is a poor substitute for horse sense. - Unknown

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. - English Proverb

The only thing worse than beating a dead horse is betting on one. - Relient K

Don't worry about the horse being blind, just load the wagon. - John Madden

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' - Kinky Friedman

All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song. - Louis Armstrong

It's too late to close the stable door after the horse has bolted. - French Proverb

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. - George Carlin

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas. - Red Skelton

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. - WC Fields

A horse doesn't care how much you know until it knows how much you care. - Tom Smith

News events are like Texas weather. If you don't like it, wait a minute. - Jessica Savitch

You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. - Adlai Stevenson

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may. - Sam Houston

To God I speak Spanish, to women Italian, to men French, and to my horse - German. - Emperor Charles V

Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live. - Henny Youngman

You've got to concentrate on one idea. You can't ride a horse with two asses. - Joe Segal

Half of the failures in life come from pulling one’s horse when he is leaping. - Thomas Hood

The one thing I do not want to be called is First Lady. It sounds like a saddle horse. - Jacqueline Kennedy

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

Most of my memories of Texas are of mosquitoes, watermelons, crickets, and my brother teasing me. - Robin Wright

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

Like the old adverb, "you can lead a gift horse to the water but ya can't look in his mouth." - Archie Bunker

The pleasure of jogging and running is rather like that of wearing a fur coat in Texas in August: the true joy comes in being able to take the damn thing off. - Joseph Epstein