#1 humor site on the 'net

Give Her Crabs For Christmas

Only the best for your sweetheart!

Give Her Crabs For Christmas thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Who's been pulling your crab legs this Christmas?

QuotaBills
Nipper: Baby crab - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Do crabs think we walk sideways? - Bill Murray

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life. - Charles M. Schulz

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. - Bill Meyer

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump


Owl Skeleton

Mexorcist

Vegetarian MissSteak

VW Owner

Zoo Invitation

Robbie Knievel Tickets

Carb Cutter

Women's Rights

False Teeth

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Rabbit or Duck?

Radar Replacement

I Shoot People!

Evolution and Philosophy

Owl Get Around To It

Redneck Piton

The World Is Going Down The Drain

First Dodge Ram

Moldy Bible

Aussie Definition of 'Lucky'

Church on Wheels

Hungry Tree

How We Played Online Before The Internet

Soda Bottle Boat