Spamdex Pork Shorts

Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first. - Ernestine Ulmer

A party without cake is just a meeting. - Julia Child

In Congress, it's all pork, all the time. - Jim Cooper

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris

I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking. - Katherine Cebrian

I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate. - Julia Child

A lot of movies are about life, mine are like a slice of cake. - Alfred Hitchcock

Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou

Writing is only the frosting on my cake. I'm whole without it. - Tabitha King

Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world's perfect food. - Michael Levine

If you are looking for a fly in your food, it means that you are full. - South Africa Proverb

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. - Bob Hope

He really is terribly heavy going. Like running up hill in roller skates. - Alan Ayckbourn

A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges. - Benjamin Franklin

The best comfort food will always be greens, cornbread, and fried chicken. - Maya Angelou

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel

This is a Jewish cake - they give this to a Jewish kid before he gets circumscribed. - Archie Bunker

There are men running governments who shouldn't be allowed to play with matches. - Will Rogers

If you fall out of that window and break both your legs, don't come running to me. - Groucho Marx

I always thought that bagels and lox was my soul food, but it turns out it's sushi. - Sara Sheridan

People want honest, flavourful food, not some show-off meal that takes days to prepare. - Ted Allen

We waste a lot of time running after people we could have caught by just standing still. - Mignon McLaughlin

Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food. - Jimmy Fallon

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again. - George Miller

If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz

I wouldn't pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands. - Bill Murray

Because of their cuisine, Germans don't consider farting rude. They'd certainly be out of luck if they did. - P.J. O'Rourke

The pig is not just pork chops and bacon and ham to us. The pig is a co-laborer in this great land-healing ministry. - Joel Salatin

Being President is a lot like running a cemetery. You've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening. - Bill Clinton

In soap, fatty acids made from boiling pork bone fat are used as a hardening agent, but also for giving it a pearl-like effect. - Christien Meindertsma

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. - WC Fields

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. - Red Skelton

One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans. - Kelli Jae Baeli

Mushroom: 1. A motel for quickies; 2. The place where they store the school food; 3. A room that has no sides, no walls, no doors and no ceilings. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock