Hole In One

I'm a golfer, not an athlete. - Lee Westwood

Where there's a Will there's a Fairway. - Unknown

I am putting real plums into an imaginary cake. - Mary McCarthy

Golf is an easy game, it's just hard to play. - Unknown

Putting your hands in the earth is very grounding. - John Glover

Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - Unknown

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin

Real golfers don't miss putts, they get robbed. - Unknown

Take a walk with a turtle. And behold the world in pause. - Bruce Feiler

Hold me, grip me, cherish me, pretend that I'm a golf club! - Unknown

Are we playing Men's Rules today or do we count every putt? - Unknown

If it weren't for golf, I'd probably be a caddie today. - George Archer

You are absolutely free to describe me as a turtle or something. - Paul Giamatti

Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well. - Unknown

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown

I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown

Behold the turtle. He only makes progress when he sticks his neck out. - James Bryant Conant

How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now. - Dwight D Eisenhower

They call it golf because all of the other four-letter names were taken. - Ray Floyd

One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball. - Don Carter

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill. - George Burns

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. - Mark Twain

I do know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together. - Charles Dickens

Golf is the worst drug in the world. You just keep coming back fro more embarrassment. - Deacon Jones

Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because dawn has come. - Rabindranath Tagore

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

Sometimes the game of golf is just too difficult to endure with a golf club in your hands. - Bobby Jones

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce

They say that life is a lot like golf - don't believe them. Golf is a lot more complicated. - Gardner Dickinson

A good lie will have traveled half way around the world while the truth is putting on her boots. - Mark Twain

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks, and hitting things with a stick. - P.J. O'Rourke

Don't you just hate it when you try to think of something other than golf... and you can't? - Mike Purkey

Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill

Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practiced for a good many years. - Prince Philip

If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country, I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses. - Donald Trump

Golf is a thinking man's game. You can have all the shots in the bag, but if you don't know what to do with them, you've got troubles. - Chi Chi Rodriguez