Hole In One

Installment: Putting a horse in his stall - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Where there's a Will there's a Fairway. - Unknown

I am putting real plums into an imaginary cake. - Mary McCarthy

Golf is an easy game, it's just hard to play. - Unknown

Putting Green: Great oaths from little acorns grow. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? - George Carlin

Hold me, grip me, cherish me, pretend that I'm a golf club! - Unknown

Are we playing Men's Rules today or do we count every putt? - Unknown

If it weren't for golf, I'd probably be a caddie today. - George Archer

Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well. - Unknown

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown

Farmers: Men successful only if they sell their farms to golf clubs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Behold the turtle. He only makes progress when he sticks his neck out. - James Bryant Conant

I don't need to know where the green is. Where is the golf course? - Babe Ruth

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. - Joey Adams

One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball. - Don Carter

Adding sound to movies would be like putting lipstick on the Venus de Milo. - Mary Pickford

Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help. - Alex Haley

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. - H L Mencken

I do know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together. - Charles Dickens

Golf is the worst drug in the world. You just keep coming back fro more embarrassment. - Deacon Jones

One of the quickest ways to meet new people is to pick up the wrong ball on a golf course. - Unknown

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce

As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. - Ben Hogan

Don't you just hate it when you try to think of something other than golf... and you can't? - Mike Purkey

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

I carry a golf ball to put under my feet when they get tight, and a Ther-Band for general stretching. - Jessica Ennis-Hill

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell

Golf is like any other sports competition. There is not a whole lot of point to it unless someone suffers. - Kevin Wohl

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

I'm 42 around the chest, 52 around the waist, 92 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house. - Groucho Marx

The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. - Ernest Hemingway

Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. - Unknown

Life isn't about finding pieces of a puzzle. It's about creating and putting those exceptional pieces together. - Unknown

Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. - Arthur Daley

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby

Learning to play golf is like learning to play the violin. It's not only difficult to do, it's very painful to everyone around you. - Hal Linden

Golf is a thinking man's game. You can have all the shots in the bag, but if you don't know what to do with them, you've got troubles. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

I don't know him very well... I've played him at golf and beat him badly both times, and I think that probably had a negative impact on him. - Donald Trump