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Hole In One

A turtle's target practice on the golf course

Hole In One thanks to Stan Kay

QuotaBills
Golf is a good walk spoiled. - Mark Twain

All is fair in love and golf. - American Proverb

I'm a golfer, not an athlete. - Lee Westwood

Golf is a puzzle without an answer. - Gary Player

You drive for show but putt for dough. - Bobby Locke

Where there's a Will there's a Fairway. - Unknown

Golf is an easy game, it's just hard to play. - Unknown

Retire to what? I already play golf and fish for a living. - Julius Boros

Hold me, grip me, cherish me, pretend that I'm a golf club! - Unknown

If it weren't for golf, I'd probably be a caddie today. - George Archer

You are absolutely free to describe me as a turtle or something. - Paul Giamatti

Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the players well. - Unknown

A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on. - French proverb

You realize just how bad a golfer you are when you play with Freddie. - Donald Trump

Behold the turtle. He only makes progress when he sticks his neck out. - James Bryant Conant

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. - Joey Adams

They call it golf because all of the other four-letter names were taken. - Ray Floyd

Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help. - Alex Haley

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. - Mark Twain

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. - Jack Lemmon

Golf is the worst drug in the world. You just keep coming back fro more embarrassment. - Deacon Jones

Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because dawn has come. - Rabindranath Tagore

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. - Robert Lynd

I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks, and hitting things with a stick. - P.J. O'Rourke

The biggest battle is never on the field, the fairway, the diamond or rink: it's in your mind. - Carey Neuhoff

Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. - Bob Hope

My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw

Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. - Ernest Hemingway

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. - Tiger Woods

I've been doing projects outdoors for the public. I made pigeons eat geometry by putting bread out in rhomboids and triangles. - Jenny Holzer

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill

It is often wonderful how putting down on paper a clear statement of a case helps one to see, not perhaps the way out, but the way in. - Arthur Christopher Benson

Learning to play golf is like learning to play the violin. It's not only difficult to do, it's very painful to everyone around you. - Hal Linden


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