Happy Keester

Easter is never deserved. - Jan Karon

Here's looking at you, kid. - Casablanca

The great gift of Easter is hope. - Basil C Hume

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. - Emo Philips

There would be no Christmas if there was no Easter. - Gordon B. Hinckley

You know what's cool? My kids think I'm ordinary. - Michael J. Fox

Easter is very important to me, it's a second chance. - Reba McEntire

There are few nudities so objectionable as the naked truth. - Agnes Repplier

Those have a short Lent who owe money to be paid at Easter. - Benjamin Franklin

The naked truth is always better than the best dressed lie. - Unknown

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? - George Carlin

Easter is meant to be a symbol of hope, renewal, and new life. - Janine di Giovanni

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield

On Easter Day the veil between time and eternity thins to gossamer. - Douglas Horton

Jackpot: When all the kids stay at friends' homes for the night - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal. - Mr. T

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there. - Clarence W Hall

Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best. - Bob Talbert

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

Joy Of Motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the kids are in bed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. - Mark Twain

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

The majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish. - Carrie Underwood

The very first Easter taught us this: that life never ends and love never dies. - Kate McGahan

For I remember it is Easter morn, and life and love and peace are all new born. - Alice F Palmer

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. - Brian P. Cleary

The trouble with dancing naked is that not everything stops when the music does. - Unknown

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

It's only when the tide goes out that you learn who's been swimming naked. - Warren Buffett

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper. - Amy Sedaris

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops and karate chops were the same thing. - Shane Koyczan

When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. - Demetri Martin

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly

I learn things from my kids constantly. Most of their knowledge comes from Snapple caps. - Jimmy Kimmel

I'm so ugly my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. - Rodney Dangerfield

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult. - Chris Hardwick

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

Few Indians only had breech cloths, most being wrapped in buffalo robes, otherwise quite naked. - Zebulon Pike

I just want to make sure when I have kids, I can spend time with them. That's the whole point. - Mark Zuckerberg

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz

Because there is always some kid who may be seeing me for the first or last time, I owe him my best. - Joe DiMaggio

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians,
and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. - Rodney Dangerfield

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. - Ernest Hemingway

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important. - Bill Gates

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Having kids - the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings - is the biggest job anyone can embark on. - Maria Shriver

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

It goes back to Christianity's affiliation with Judaism as Passover. Easter is as important to Christians as Passover is to the Jews. - Glenn Duffy

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children.' - Susan Savannah