#1 humor site on the 'net

Did You Say Happy Easter?

Hearing impaired chocolates all too common at Easter

Did You Say Happy Easter? thanks to Martin Grosse

QuotaBills
Chocolate cake is the bomb! - Scarlett Pomers

Who the hell wants to hear actors talk? - H.M. Warner

I definitely can hear my toenails grow. - Gary Busey

I'm a woman who wants her chocolate. - Jessica Simpson

I hope your only rocky road is chocolate. - Amanda Mosher

Praise does wonders for the sense of hearing. - Unknown

Coffee,chocolate, men. The richer the better! - Unknown

Chocolate is what I love. I have it every day. - Jennifer Hudson

Behind every good woman is a lot of chocolate. - Unknown

Anything is good if it's made of chocolate. - Jo Brand

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

I've never met a chocolate I didn't like. - Unknown

If it's not chocolate, it's not breakfast. - Laini Taylor

There would be no Christmas if there was no Easter. - Gordon B. Hinckley

In the cookie of life, friends are chocolate chips. - Salman Rushdie

I can't hear you over the sound of how epic I am. - Unknown

Things are getting worse. Please send more chocolate. - Unknown

Man can not live on chocolate alone.... but women can. - Unknown

If a man be great, even his dog will ear a proud look. - Japanese Proverb

What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Those have a short Lent who owe money to be paid at Easter. - Benjamin Franklin

I'm Jewish, so I don't know much about Easter eggs. - Simon Kinberg

Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away. - Benjamin Franklin

A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it. - Thomas Beecham

Chocolate is medicinal. I just did another study that confirms it. - Michelle M. Pillow

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near. - Andrew Marvell

It's hard to hear anything new when you are the only one talking. - Rick Godwin

There is no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore. - Mark Twain

Some say women are addicted to chocolate. I say we're merely loyal. - Cathy Guisewite

The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as of being heard. - William Hazlitt

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn. - Fulton J. Sheen

Chocolate is something you take for granted until you don't have any. - Marja McGraw

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown

The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said. - Peter F Drucker

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear. - Dick Cavett

Ever hear of the old saying, "grass don't grow on a busy street?" - Archie Bunker

The very first Easter taught us this: that life never ends and love never dies. - Kate McGahan

For I remember it is Easter morn, and life and love and peace are all new born. - Alice F Palmer

Music, the greatest good that mortals know and all of heaven we have hear below. - Joseph Addison

When one can hear people moving, one does not so much mind, about one's fears. - Ann Radcliffe

Seek the lofty by reading, hearing and seeing great work at some moment every day. - Thornton Wilder

All I want is peace, love, understanding, and a chocolate bar bigger than my head. - Unknown

Some people are chocolate and sweets people. I love French fried. That and caviar. - Cameron Diaz

Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter Sweet. Alive. - Joanne Harris

I just want a hot cup of coffee, black, and I don't want to hear about your troubles. - Charles Bukowski

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch. - George Burns

The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear. - Herbert Agar

Easter is a time when God turned the inevitability of death into the invincibility of life. - Craig D Loundsbrough

Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth. - Marcus Aurelius

Chocolate symbolizes, as does no other food, luxury, comfort, sensuality, gratification, and love. - Karl Petzke

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling. - Rodney Dangerfield

There's no point in wasting calories on cheap chocolate, always opt for the darkest and richest. - Nanci Rathbun

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally. - Abraham Lincoln

Choose silence of all virtues, for by it you hear other men's imperfections, and conceal your own. - George Bernard Shaw

A jest's prosperity lies in the ear of him that hears it, never in the tongue of him that makes it. - William Shakespeare

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. - Judy Garland

The pumpkin hearing, "Let's carve and scoop,"
Ran fast as he could, leaving pumpkin poop. - Shirley Thomas

When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?" - Sydney J Harris

I hear much of people's calling out to punish the guilty, but very few are concerned to clear the innocent. - Daniel Defoe

Dear Diamond,
We all know who is really a girl's best friend.
Yours sincerely,
Chocolate Cake - Unknown

Only think of two things - the gun and the tape. When you hear the one, just run like hell until you break the other. - Sam Mussabini

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong? - George Carlin

The Easter egg symbolizes our ability to break out of the hardened, protective shell we've surrounded ourselves with. - Siobhan Shaw

Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there. - Yakov Smirnoff

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. - Robert Orben

What you see and what you hear depends a great deal on where you are standing. It also depends on what sort of person you are. - C S Lewis

When you hear people making hateful comments, stand up to them. Point out what a waste it is to hate, and you could open their eyes. - Taylor Swift

It goes back to Christianity's affiliation with Judaism as Passover. Easter is as important to Christians as Passover is to the Jews. - Glenn Duffy

We will get everything out of her that you can squeeze out of a lemon and a bit more. I will squeeze her until you can hear the pips squeak. - Eric Geddes


Bag Hang-Up

LippoPotumus

Haircut For Staff Meetings

Wolf Mode

Undertaker Bike

Throwaway Sport Paper

Pacman Skeleton

Vatican City's New Breakfast Special

Flying Cathedral Excuse

Day At The Beach

John The Baptist Souvenirs

Amish Prom Limo

Wishy-Washy Church

'Cover Girl' Magazine

One At A Time

Shofar So Good

Temple Car

Closing Time

Wine Glass Lanyard

Awning Truck Advertising

Plugged In

Org Chart - Simplified Version

Extreme Value

Instant Acrophobia