Either The Cat or Husband Goes

Curiosity killed the cat. - English Proverb

A meowing cat catches no mice. - Yiddish proverb

Eyebrows: What I do when I go shopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Recipe for a happy husband: Fake and Bake. - Unknown

When the cat's away, the mice will play. - French Proverb

Ideal Wife: Any woman who has an ideal husband - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Leanardo De Cappuccino: Founder, coffee shop chain - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. - Joan Rivers

Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping. - Oscar Wilde

No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat. - Leo Dworkin

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield

Women's clothes: never wear anything that panics the cat. - P.J. O'Rourke

My husband's idea of a good night out is a good night in. - Maureen Lipman

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside. - Roseanne Barr

I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate. - Phyllis Diller

There's no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat. - Wesley Bates

The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money. - Joey Adams

The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives. - Mark Twain

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat. - Mark Twain

Husband-hunting: A sport in which the animal that gets caught has to buy the license - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look. - Mia Farrow

Every sale has five basic obstacles: no need, no money, no hurry, no desire, no trust. - Zig Ziglar

Without my Vulcan cat suit, Frankenstein wig and pointed ears, I don't get recognized. - Jolene Blalock

Always the cat remains a little beyond the limits we try to set for him in our blind folly. - Andre Norton

My husband, Fang, is so dumb I once said, "There's a dead bird." He looked up. - Phyllis Diller

Shopping: The fine art of acquiring things you don't need with money you don't have. - Unknown

I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale." - Steven Wright

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

To me, job titles don't matter. Everyone is in sales. It's the only way we stay in business. - Harvey Mackay

Hard work is the soundest investment. It provides a neat security for your widow's next husband. - Unknown

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller

Everything is for sale in Hollywood; the fairy tale, the costume, the pumpkin, the footman and the mice. - Amanda Eliasch

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. - Zig Ziglar

Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary: when her third husband died, her hair turned quite gold from grief. - Oscar Wilde

A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick. - Ogden Nash

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. - Milton Berle

Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. - Hoosier Farmer

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

When I hear of an 'equity' in a case like this, I am reminded of a blind man in a dark room - looking for a black cat - which isn't there. - Charles Bowen