Either The Cat or Husband Goes

These are cathedrals of shopping. - Emile Zola

Don't judge a cat by its coat. - Magdalena VandenBerg

When the cat dies, the mice rejoice. - African saying

Her husband was infidelicate with another woman. - Archie Bunker

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

The kind man feeds his cat before sitting down to dinner. - Hebrew Proverb

People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris

My husband is a general's chauffeur somewhere in France. - Lillie Langtry

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle

The Cat. He walked by himself, and all places were alike to him. - Rudyard Kipling

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

A good thing sells itself; a bad thing advertises itself for sale. - African Saying

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

A lame cat is better than a swift horse when rats infest the palace. - Chinese Proverb

Do you Edith....take Archie Bunker to be your lawfully bedded husband? - Archie Bunker

There's no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat. - Wesley Bates

The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money. - Joey Adams

When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

It doesn't matter if a cat is black or white, so long as it catches mice. - Deng Xiaoping

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back. - Will Rogers

My husband's German. Every night I get dressed up as Poland and he invades me. - Bette Midler

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

Sleep is like my cat. I can call him by his name, but he still won't come to me. - Shane Koyczan

Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping. - Bo Derek

Take care of your pennies and your dollars will take care of your widow's next husband. - American Proverb

My husband, Fang, is so dumb I once said, "There's a dead bird." He looked up. - Phyllis Diller

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. - Charles Darwin

If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America. - Donald Trump

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. - Mark Twain

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright

My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: neither one of us does it. - Dottie Archibald

Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary: when her third husband died, her hair turned quite gold from grief. - Oscar Wilde

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. - Milton Berle

Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. - Hoosier Farmer

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer