Balls Removed

I'm a golfer, not an athlete. - Lee Westwood

Work: The thing that interferes with golf. - Frank Dane

Where there's a Will there's a Fairway. - Unknown

Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - Unknown

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin

Teetotaler: A golfer who only keeps track of drives - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. - Paul Gallico

Hold me, grip me, cherish me, pretend that I'm a golf club! - Unknown

Are we playing Men's Rules today or do we count every putt? - Unknown

If it weren't for golf, I'd probably be a caddie today. - George Archer

Farmers: Men successful only if they sell their farms to golf clubs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown

I don't need to know where the green is. Where is the golf course? - Babe Ruth

We seem to want one vehicle to carry people and soccer balls and hay bales. - Franz von Holzhausen

Show me a good loser and I'll show you a man playing golf with his boss. - Unknown

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. - H L Mencken

Golf is the worst drug in the world. You just keep coming back fro more embarrassment. - Deacon Jones

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain

One of the quickest ways to meet new people is to pick up the wrong ball on a golf course. - Unknown

I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer

I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan

The biggest battle is never on the field, the fairway, the diamond or rink: it's in your mind. - Carey Neuhoff

Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either use one more club or two more balls. - Unknown

I carry a golf ball to put under my feet when they get tight, and a Ther-Band for general stretching. - Jessica Ennis-Hill

I could juggle anything in my day: balls, cigar boxes, knives. But I could never juggle my income tax. - WC Fields

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. - Bob Hope

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell

Golf is like any other sports competition. There is not a whole lot of point to it unless someone suffers. - Kevin Wohl

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw

Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

I'm 42 around the chest, 52 around the waist, 92 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house. - Groucho Marx

One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. - Tiger Woods

Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. - Arthur Daley

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill

The rules of clockwork might apply to familiar objects such as snooker balls, but when it comes to atoms, the rules are those of roulette. - Paul Davies

Learning to play golf is like learning to play the violin. It's not only difficult to do, it's very painful to everyone around you. - Hal Linden