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| Which cows have the shortest legs? |
The smallest ones. |
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| What did the weird carpenter do before he went to bed each night? |
He made his bed. |
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| Where does Mother Goose leave her garbage? |
At the Humpty Dump. |
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| What rabbit cheats on blind man's bluff? |
Peeker Cottontail. |
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| What do you get when you cross a windstorm with a vegetable? |
Aspara-gust. |
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| What's the best way to mail a pizza? |
With food stamps. |
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| When you're at a picnic, what's the best thing to do if you are allergic to biting insects? |
Try not to bite any. |
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| What is a frightened skin diver? |
Chicken of the Sea. |
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| Why did Batman go to the pet shop? |
To buy a Robin. |
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| What do you call an Australian animal when it's being obnoxious? |
A Kanga-rude. |
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| Why did the pioneers go West in covered wagons? |
They didn't want to wait fourty years for a train. |
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| When do hens play hockey? |
When they have the chicken pucks. |
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| What steps would you take if a bull chased you? |
Big ones! |
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| What happens when you park a frog illegally? |
It gets toad away. |
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| Which side of the bed should you sleep on? |
The top side. |
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| What do you get when a duck gives you smart answers? |
Wise quacks. |
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| How do cows count? |
They use a cowculator. |
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| What do you call a person who looks over your shoulder while you are eating at the lunch counter? |
A counterspy. |
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| What did one refrigerator say to the other refrigerator? |
"Have an ice day." |
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| What do you get when you cross a greyhound with french fries? |
Fast food. |
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| What did Little Johnny say when the teacher asked him where Nevada was? |
"I don't have the Vegas idea!" |
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| Why did the forest ranger change jobs? |
He wantd to turn over a new leaf. |
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| What do you call a sorceress' tic? |
A witch twitch. |
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| How did the ditchdigger get his job? |
He just fell into it. |
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| Why are basketball coaches happy? |
Because they whistle while they work. |
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| Where do Martians leave their spaceships? |
At parking meteors. |
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| What would you get if you crossed a small fish and a Russian ruler? |
A czardine. |
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| Who do mermaids date? |
They go out with the tide. |
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| Why did the rose do so well in school? |
It was a budding genius. |
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| What do you write with while riding in an airplane? |
A high-lighter. |
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| Where does a fisherman write his homework assignments? |
In a net-book. |
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| What does an executioner do on his day off? |
Nothing - he just hangs around. |
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| Why was the dog's nose flat? |
Because it chased parked cars. |
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| How do Czechoslovakians dance? |
Czech to Czech. |
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| How do snails get their shells so shiny? |
They use snail varnish. |
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| What do you call it when a pirate digs up a scale? |
Buried Measure. |
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| What did the wall say to the corner? |
"Meet you at the ceiling." |
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| What did one hamburger patty say to the other hamburger patty? |
"We're on a roll!" |
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| Why was Mickey Mouse always falling down? |
Because he had Disney spells. |
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| What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed? |
Sleep somewhere else. |
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| What do you get if you cross a duck and a cat with a road roller? |
A duck billed flatty puss. |
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| What does a teddy bear put in his house? |
Fur-niture. |
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| What do you call a gorilla with a green thumb? |
Hairy Potter. |
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| Why did the leaf cry? |
Because it fell. |
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| What did the tree use to move? |
Its trunk. |
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| What vehicle does a red ant drive? |
A fire truck. |
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| What do you call a trout sheriff? |
"Offisher." |
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| What do insects use to hold up their porches? |
Cater pillars. |
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| Why can't you play games with pigs? |
Because they hog the ball. |
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| What did Little Johnny say when the Statue of Liberty sneezed? |
"God Bless America." |
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| Why did the teacher turn on the lights? |
Because her students were so dim. |
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| What kind of car does a rich cat drive? |
A Cat-illac. |
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| What comic strip superhero drinks apple juice and scales tall buildings? |
Ciderman. |
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| What's a lumberjack's favourite month? |
Sep-tiiiimberrrr! |
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| Which carnival ride takes pride in following rules? |
The Pharisee wheel. |
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| What is every mother's favourite seasoning? |
Carda-mom. |
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| Why did the sock go to Church? |
Because it was holey. |
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| What do you call a really old insect? |
An ant-ique. |
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| What kind of spaceship gets around a lot? |
A walk-et ship. |
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| What's louder than a cheerleader? |
Two cheerleaders. |
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| What does a frog like doing most? |
S-leap. |
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| Where does a Popsicle go to learn? |
Ice School. |
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| What kind of fruit tastes like grass? |
A straw-berry. |
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| What kind of dressing do horses put on salads? |
Ranch. |
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| Who stole the soap from the bathtub? |
A robber ducky. |
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| Which letter do pirates like best? |
The "C". |
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| Why did the elephant wear green sneakers instead of red ones? |
The red ones were in the wash. |
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| What does it mean when you find a lucky horseshoe? |
One unlucky horse is going barefoot. |
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| What do you call a generous police officer? |
A share-iff. |
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| Where do cattle go on vacation? |
Mos-cow. |
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| Which camels act like movie stars? |
Drama-daries. |
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| What did the pencil say to the paper? |
"I dot my i's on you!" |
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| What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse? |
"I've got a crutch on you!" |
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| Why do cows eat green grass? |
Because they can't wait for it to ripen. |
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| What was the name of the little witch's father? |
He was cauld-ron. |
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| Why was the rattlesnake so successful? |
It had a great poison-ality. |
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| How did Little Johnny feel after swallowing some little blue, green, and orange glass balls? |
Marbleous. |
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| Why was Little Johnny's bike made out of wood instead of metal? |
It was a tree-wheeler. |
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| What did the sea lion do before mailing his letter? |
Seal the envelope. |
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| What is a baby bee? |
A little humbug. |
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| How do witches break the sound barrier? |
With a sonic broom. |
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| Why should you take a pen to the garden? |
So you can weed and write. |
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| What is an orangutan's favourite tool? |
The monkey wrench. |
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| Where are dead Martians listed? |
In the orbit-uaries. |
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| What Egyptian queen was a vampire? |
Cleo-bat-tra. |
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| Who does a mouse pitcher throw his ball to? |
The rat catcher. |
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| What did the little pine tree say to the big pine tree? |
"Stop needling me." |
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| How does King Kong travel? |
By hairyplane. |
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| How do rabbits travel? |
By hareplane. |
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| How do barbers travel? |
By hairplane. |
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| What trick did the spider perform on its motorcycle? |
A spinning wheelie. |
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| What do you feed a giant panda that's skinned its knee? |
Bamboo-boo. |
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| What do you get when 123 blueberries try to move through the same door? |
Blueberry jam. |
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| What goes "oink oink" and steals your money? |
A pig-pocket. |
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| What did the boy whale say to the girl whale on Valentine's Day? |
"Whale you be mine?" |
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| How many teachers does it take to work the photocopier? |
Who cares, as long as it keeps them out of the classroom. |
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| Where did the spy have to go to find the enemy spy's baker? |
To his secret breadquarters. |
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| Why did the whale leave show business? |
It wanted to get out of the spoutlight. |
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| What do wizards serve tea in? |
Cups and sorcerers. |
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| What do you call a snake that plays the flute? |
A viper piper. |
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