Credits & Honourable Mention
- Part 2 ...
Credits & Honourable Mention - Part 1
“The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.” Einstein
“The secret to creativity is knowing how to appreciate your sources.” Joe-kster
Math Puzzle Submissions
from those who have solved the Math Puzzle
1. Tommy Rose, Broadway, North Carolina, U.S.A.
2. Steve Doppler, Evergreen, Colorado, U.S.A.
3. Michael Doppler, Evergreen, Colorado, U.S.A.
4. John Blair, Kentucky, U.S.A.
5. Kirk Lowry, Hurst, Texas, U.S.A.
6. Daan Beijer, Ottawa, Canada
7. Irvin Kauffman, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, U.S.A.
8. Beverley Jenkinson, Simcoe, Ontario, Canada
9. James W. West, Manchester, Tennessee, U.S.A.
10. Michael Nass, Thun, Switzerland
11. Phil 'Bruiser' Bullock, U.S.A.
12. Jim Spurlock, Frisco, Texas, U.S.A.
13. Erika Schlebusch, Thun, Switzerland
14. Stephanie Bowen, Scituate, Massachusetts, U.S.A.
15. Andrew Pirie, Black Point, Nova Scotia, Canada
16. Jim Serritella, Laytonsville, Maryland, U.S.A.
17. Marion Waggener, Hermiston, Oregon, U.S.A.
18. Leonard Genova, Scottsdale, Arizona, U.S.A.
19. Gilberto Charpentier, Prague, Czech Republic
20. Paulette Roth, Alberta, Canada
21. Ivannia Charpentier, Cartago, Costa Rica
22. Alan King, Gravesend, United Kingdom
23. Katie Hodges, Akron, Ohio, U.S.A.
24. Mike Kings, Monticello, Florida, U.S.A.
25. Cory Huber, Alliance, Nebraska, U.S.A.
26. Branko Petreski, Skopje, Macedonia
27. Andrew Banner, Telford, United Kingdom
28. Jeff Brown, Indiana, U.S.A.
29. David W. Gray, Norwalk, Iowa, U.S.A.
30. Ginger Velazquez, Fate, Texas, U.S.A.
31. Wynne Phillips, Kidwelly, Wales, United Kingdom
32. Steve Radford, Billericay, Essex, England
33. Tim Johnson, Rushden, United Kingdom
34. Gareth Adams, Glasgow, United Kingdom
35. Wyatt Earp, Kent, England
36. JC Norton, Nelson, B.C., Canada
37. Mike Sageloff, Wichita Falls, Texas, U.S.A.
38. Ernie Gera, Virginia, U.S.A.
39. Ingi Björnsson, Stockholm, Sweden
40. Mike Thompson, Trenton, Tennessee, U.S.A.
41. Vern Wall, Yuma, Arizona, U.S.A.
42. Donnie Hazle, Arlington, Texas, U.S.A.
43. Jake Plugers, Welland, Ontario, Canada
44. Robert Moore, Canton, North Carolina, U.S.A.
45. William Malcolm Thomas, Summerland, B.C., Canada
46. Roger Myers, Larned, Kansas, U.S.A.
47. Mary Broughton, Yonkers, New York, U.S.A.
48. Jean Moore, Canton, North Carolina, U.S.A.
49. Jess Sullivan, New Iberia, Louisiana, U.S.A.
50. Robert J. Zahradnik, Wharton, Texas, U.S.A.
51. Jerry Davis, Peachland, B.C., Canada
52. Joe Felix, Cincinnati, Ohio, U.S.A.
53. Dan Guenter, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
54. Andre Fabri, Richmond, B.C., Canada
55. Mike Swihart, Westland, Michigan, U.S.A.
56. Judy Fruth, Coon Rapids, Minnesota, U.S.A.
57. Nathan Hall, Saginaw, Michigan, U.S.A.
58. Rachel Stockton, Nether Langwith, England
59. Alex Barbu, Columbus, Ohio, U.S.A.
60. Sajjan Sureka, Bhubaneswar, India
61. Earl A. Lemings, Haysville, Kansas, U.S.A.
62. Viktor Kostic, Srbija
63. Paul Wilson, New Zealand
64. Rose Hall, Texas, U.S.A.
65. Thomas Boucher, Alpharetta, Georgia, U.S.A.
66. Mohamed Ayman Mohamed, Cairo, Egypt
67. Val Vasilev, Woburn, Massachusetts, U.S.A.
68. Joel Finnell, Etowah, Tennessee, U.S.A.
69. Amr Idrees, Khartoum, Sudan
70. Huzefa Reshamwala, Dubai, United Arab Emirates
71. John Mathews, Mississauga, Ontario, Canada
72. Bob Bash, Lesotho
73. Guyot Jean-Maxime, Paris, France
74. Gunnar M. Kennedy, Terrigal, NSW Australia
75. Victor Ubando, Marikina City, Philippines
76. James Smith, New York, U.S.A.
77. Dan Nagle, Pennsylvania, U.S.A.
78. Nic Mertes, Rochester, New York, U.S.A.
79. Maria Holt, Belleville, Illinois, U.S.A.
80. Peter Kirchgessner, Mainz, Germany
81. Lava Raj Timsina, Biratnagar, Nepal
82. Jim McNamara, Hatfield, Massachusetts, U.S.A.
83. Ashley Phillips, Cape St. George, Newfoundland, Canada
84. Jason “Phaux” Ness, Escanaba, Michigan, U.S.A.
85. Stephen Ness, Bozeman, Montana, U.S.A.
86. Freeman Wattam, Deseronto, Ontario, Canada
87. Tina Braeuer, Berlin, Germany
88. Ricardo Flores, Houston, Texas, U.S.A.
89. Thomas Aho, Dubendorf, Switzerland
90. Vesela Popova, Sofia, Bulgaria
91. Donald C. Doute, Lima, Ohio, U.S.A.
92. Benny Jonsson, Sweden
93. Michael Emmerik, Holland
94. Paschal Mutegaya, Bukoba, Tanzania
95. Ding Pangan, Manila, Philippines
96. Anmol Sharma, Jalandhar, Punjab, India
97. Abhinav Sood, Jalandhar, Punjab, India
98. Chandni Verma, Jalandhar, Punjab, India
99. Milanjot Singh, Jalandhar, Punjab, India
100. Al Hunt, Prince Albert, Saskatchewan
101. John Smith, Leavenworth, Washington, U.S.A.
102. Mark Hurwit, Santa Cruz, California, U.S.A.
103. Tammera Gunning, Irving, Texas, U.S.A.
104. Jumal Khan, San Jose, California, U.S.A.
105. Tobey Maningat, Manila, Philippines
106. Truong Khang Phuc, Vietnam
107. Carsten Eiberg, Horsholm, Denmark
108. Noemi Colonia, Manila, Philippines
109. Vladimir Pinjuh, Vienna, Austria
110. Sam McClellan, Monroe, Louisiana, U.S.A.
111. John Curry, Reno, Nevada, U.S.A.
112. Scott Kim, Paramus, New Jersey, U.S.A.
113. Wayne Tulli, Grantville, Pennsylvania, U.S.A.
114. Sergio Emir Wiguna, Jakarta, Indonesia
115. Pablo Quintana, Buenos Aires, Argentina
116. Liwei Chen, Tampa, Florida, U.S.A.
117. Izmir Tolga, Istanbul, Turkey
118. Melek Sirin Tolga, Istanbul, Turkey
119. Devin Murphy, Houston, Texas, U.S.A.
120. Arif H. Khan, Dhaka, Bangladesh
121. Indrajit Ganguly, Kolkata, India
122. Ajith Kumar, Kerala, India
123. Dave Hoyland, Nottingham, United Kingdom
124. Elsa Carpenter-Frank, South Africa
125. Jack (John) Mozena, Kentucky, United States
126. Sendthilvel Balakrishnan, Pune, India
127. Andrew Harman, Saanichton, B.C., Canada
128. Ari Rylief, Semarang, Indonesia
129. John Whiting, Rindge, New Hampshire, U.S.A.
130. Mohammad Khasawneh, Jordan
131. Marg Jones, River John, Nova Scotia, Canada
132. Ian Ward, Adelaide, Australia
Phrase, Cliché & Expression Additions/Corrections
Is Up, the": Thanks to Wilbur R. Johnson, Redwood City,
California, for an alternative origin.
and Bull Story": Thanks to Dave Evans, Nanjing, Jiangsu Province,
China for a much better "Cock and Bull" alternative origin - goes well with
all the bull around this site!
cloud 9": Thanks to Phil Sawyer for his detailed background for
someone who is 'On cloud 9', without a care in the world - sounds like the
Joe-kster going on another 'Too Weak' Promo Tour!
the doghouse": Jim Younger sends us a brakeman's explanation for
this familiar expression!
tight": Brian Morrill questions the origin of "Sleep tight" as
referring to beds in children's stories - a misleading metaphor - in excellent
Patrick Thrush's alternative, derived from the Settlement Era of the
Westward Expansion - also in excellent
end of the stick": Robert Day sends the Roman origin for this
phrase, dating from the days of communal toilets... visions of someone deep in
conversation not looking at the stick being passed to them - a real bum deal!
calling the kettle black": Elli Coates
brings to our attention this phrase - used to to criticize someone even though
you do it, like being a hypocrite!
when he should have zagged":
Sarit Segal sends us his idea of the origin of this phrase:
"Origin: 'catch 22' -
military airplane accident: they flew in a structure and he crashed because he
zigged when he should have zagged."
little bird told me":
"'I am a grade 9 music teacher and one of my students suggested the
following: The phrase "a little bird told me" could have come from Pope
Gregory's alleged dictation of the chant melodies from a dove that landed on his
shoulder." - from
Ed Adams (teacher) &
Nicholas Patterson, Newfield High School, Selden, New
hook or by crook":
"Origin: Relating to old forest laws of England, the sole right of common
people to enter the forests without permission was for the removal of dead
wood from the ground or dead branches of the trees, in other words, as could be
brought down by the use of the reaper's hook or a shepherd's crook." - from
Other phrases from Katie:
feather one's nest", &
knock (or beat) the tar out of".
"Meaning: Usually used in the negative: one who doesn't know beans is
appallingly ignorant or is wholly unacquainted with the subject under
Origin: Perhaps arose from some dispute over the cowpea, which, despite the
name, is more nearly related to the bean than to the pea and which is often
called either the black-eyed bean or the black-eyed pea. Perhaps came from
Boston, where it would be a mark of the sheerest ignorance not to know that
Boston baked beans, to be fit to eat, must be made of that variety of small
white bean known as "pea bean." Perhaps arose from the British phrase, "to know
how many beans make five" - a silly saying that probably got started several
centuries ago by having children learn to count using beans. When a child got
far enough advanced to know how many beans made five, he was very intelligent
and well informed." - from
as a tick":
"Full of food, stuffed, ready to pop." - from
your dander up":
"Donder op!" in Dutch means: Get out of here! or Hop it! Of course we only
say this after we burst into a sudden rage."
as a clam":
"A hand-held clam rake at the end of a pole is used to rake up clams from the
mud and sand. They look something like a heavy-duty garden rake. I am an old
clam digger from the south shore of Long Island, New York."
expression is based on a genetic defect that has now been purposely bred into
some goats that we now call "fainting goats." The ones today are "collectible"
pets for people who enjoy seeing them fall over when they are frightened. The
genetic defect is in their fight or flight gene, which causes them to stiffen
when they need to run. But shepherds and farmers, who recognized this as a
defect, would keep one per herd for this purpose: When a predator like a wolf
would threaten the flock, the rest would run off while the defective goat would
fall over and get eaten, allowing the others a chance to Escape. Thus the Escape
Goat or Scape Goat takes the fall."
goat is a Biblical reference from Leviticus 16:8-10 and refers to taking the
blame for someone else; the scape goat symbolically bearing the sins of Israel
and sent into the wilderness. And Aaron shall cast lots upon the two goats; one
lot for the LORD, and the other lot for the scapegoat. And Aaron shall bring the
goat upon which the LORD's lot fell, and offer him for a sin offering.
But the goat, on which the lot fell to be the scapegoat, shall be presented
alive before the LORD, to make an atonement with him, and to let him go for a
scapegoat into the wilderness."
you're not missing much":
"Nothing to look at, nothing to really know, nothing great, kind of
"The Fifth Beatle moniker was not given to Brian Epstein by Murray the K,
though Epstein is always in the list of deserving honorees (along with Pete
Best, George Martin, and even Billy Preston, the only musician ever given
individual credit on a Beatles disk). It was Murray who was dubbed the Fifth
Beatle by George Harrison on the train ride from New York to the band's first
concert in Washington D.C. Murray was the last in line as the group made its way
through the train cars, and a cop tried to stop him from following. Harrison
turned as said, "It's alright. He's the fifth Beatle."
"It's much more likely the origin comes from the 1888 poem by Ernest Lawrence
at the Bat." Flynn, as the poem goes, was hugging third when Casey came to
bat. It was a sure thing that he would be in - although the poem ends with Casey
"Axes were a commonplace weapon for soldiers, many centuries ago, and a man
seen to be grinding the blade of his axe, demonstrated in the most visible way
possible that he was cruising for some aggro....If a man had an axe to grind, it
meant he had a resentment he was intending to manifest quite openly....he was
spoiling - and preparing - for a fight, in no uncertain terms!"
Pot Never Boils":
"While living in England, it was explained to me that tea should always be
made with hot, but not boiling, water. One needed to pay close attention to the
pot in order to heat it without boiling. This of course makes the meaning closer
to "a stitch in time saves nine," a warning to take particular care with
"The Iliad in a nutshell. Pliny tells us that Cicero asserts that the
whole Iliad was written on a piece of parchment which might be put into a
nutshell. Lalanne describes, in his Curiosités Bibliographiques, an edition of
Rochefoucault's Maxims, published by Didot in 1829, on pages one inch square,
each page containing 26 lines, and each line 44 letters. Charles Toppan, of New
York, engraved on a plate one-eighth of an inch square 12,000 letters. The Iliad
contains 501,930 letters, and would therefore occupy 42 such plates engraved on
both sides. Huet has proved by experiment that a parchment 27 by 21 centimčtres
would contain the entire Iliad, and such a parchment would go into a
common-sized nut; but Mr. Toppan's engraving would get the whole Iliad into half
that size. George P. Marsh says, in his Lectures, he has seen the entire Arabic
Koran in a parchment roll four inches wide and half an inch in diameter. (See
ILIAD.) To lie in a nutshell. To be explained in a few words; to be
capable of easy solution."
- from From E. Cobham Brewer 1810–1897. Dictionary of Phrase and Fable. 1898, as
requested by Norma Phillips.
Calling The Kettle Black":
pot calling the kettle black: Said of someone accusing another of faults similar
to those committed by the accuser. The allusion is to the old household in which
the copper kettle would be kept polished, while
the iron pot would remain black. The kettle's bright side would reflect the pot.
The pot, seeing its reflection, would thus see black, which would appear to be
on the side of the kettle. The pot could then accuse the kettle of a fault it
did not have."
- Source: Brewer's Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, 1870, revised by Adrian
Room (Millennium Edition).
- thanks to
Terrier vs. Porcupine: Quill He Make It?":
funny but this is NOT a pitbull. We are dealing with misrepresentation in Breed
Specific legislation all the time, and while I totally value the humour of your
site (if we can't laugh we may as well be dead) the Bull Terrier owners of the
world would really appreciate it if you could re-label your picture?
"Bull Terrier vs Porcupine: Quill he make it?"
Bull Terrier is the name of this breed.... it is very far removed from the
pitbulls. I actually know the person that owns this poor dog (bitch) and am
happy to say with the help of a LOT of antibiotics - she made it through OK."
How Bull Terriers Look Like In New Zealand.
- thanks to
a long road without a turn":
kind to others or before too long they will have an opportunity to pay you back
for your injustice."
- thanks to
Fred Pepper, Hamilton, Ontario.
poke the bear":
annoy someone who's already irritated; try not to aggravate someone who's easily
accept responsibility; to take ownership; to gather your courage."
Head Keeper of The Zoo Crew, Matthews, NC, USA
phrase "Tilting at windmills" or "battling windmills" comes from the book "Don
Quixote de la Mancha" and refers to a scene where Don Quixote attacks windmills,
mistaking them for giants."
- thanks to
Anna Platt, Portland, Oregon.
by the Bell":
the phrases, "Saved by the Bell" , It came into use as a boxing term in the late
19th century, but had earlier origins from the 17th century. The term described
being saved by ringing a bell attached to a coffin to help with the very real
problem of people being buried alive (due to lack of medical understanding of
unconsciousness, comas, seizures and other death-like states therefore people
were erroneously pronounced dead). There were several patents in England and the
USA for 'safety coffins' with the bells incorporated into the designs registered
in the 19th century and up to as late as 1955. There was even a society to help
with this problem, Society for the Recovery of Persons Apparently Dead. The term
"Dead Ringer" is also associated with this idea."
- thanks to
in a Row":
believe your origin for Ducks in a Row to be all out of whack. Contrary to
popular belief this phrase has nothing to do with little yellow ducklings
following their Mother duck all in a straight line. Landlubbers use the phrase
to mean "get your business organized", but sailors know that this expression
comes from the boatbuilding trade. Unbeknownst to a lot of people, a "duck" is a
great big thing, bigger than your car that is so heavy that it has to be moved
with a crane, and has jaws that open to make it a giant vise. The U.S. Navy
(when building a new ship) lines up a number of ducks with a laser bean so that
they are absolutely straight in a line; then the beginning piece of the new boat
(the keel) is clamped in. The ducks hold the keel perfectly straight so the ship
will be absolutely square athwart and fore-an-aft when it is being constructed.
And so the first thing that is done in shipbuilding is to "get your ducks in a
row". We have given the phrase a broader meaning, but its origins are nautical
- thanks to
Byron Burson, Michigan.
The Candle At Both Ends":
the candle at both ends"
never made sense to me. How could you burn a candle at both ends? Always had an
image of a candle kinda floating, while burning at both ends. Then I was reading
an historical novel, set in pre-electricity times and they referred to a person
working hard, burning the candle at both ends of the day. Meaning obviously up
before dawn and to bed after sunset."
- thanks to
Roger Brown, Atascadero, California.
willin' and the Creek don't rise":
correction to your Cliches page. The phrase "Lord willin' and the Creek don't
rise" doesn't refer to the Cree Indians, but to the Creek Indians. Cree is
something of a misnomer for several tribes in the northern US and parts of
Canada. Creek, however, is one of the Five Civilized Tribes, which includes
Cherokee, Creek, Chickasaw, Choctaw, and Seminole."
- thanks to
Nelson Butterworth, Tennessee.
of a sudden":
came to us from Old French (OED), and its ultimate source is the Latin subire,
meaning to come or go stealthily. It entered English in about 1300 as an
adjective (spelled soden, sodeyne, sodein, swdan - the spelling wasn't
established until after 1700). Beginning in the 1400s (OED) "sudden" was also
used as an adverb, the way we use "suddenly" today. In the 1500s people began
using "sudden" as a noun. A "sudden" was an unexpected occurrence. So people
spoke of events that happened at, in, of, or upon "the sudden" or "a sudden."
The historical progression of this phrase was "of the sudden" ... "of a sudden"
... "all of a sudden."
- "at the sodeyne" (1559) vs. "at a sudden" (1560)
- "in the Sodeyne" (1559) vs. "in a sodaine" (1560)
- "of the suddeyne" (1570) vs. "of a sodaine" (1596)
- "upon the soden" (1558) vs. "vpon a sodayne" (1565)
The use of "sudden" was extended to phrases that required the indefinite article
"a," like these: "upon suche a sodeyn" (1572); "upon a very great sudden"
(1575); and "with such a sodaine" (1582). "All of a sudden" first appeared in
- thanks to
Thanks to the Oxford English Dictionary (OED),
grammarphobia.com & Marie Glover.
"Swing the lead" is correct as far as being lazy, however the phrase actually
comes from the days of horse drawn wagons. The "lazy" horses would slow down
just enough for the load to be carried by the adjacent horse. You can tell when
a horse "swings lead" by the angle of the pull bar swings back when the lazy
- thanks to
Matt McNeice, Saskatchewan, Canada.
: "You list 'ship shape' and give an accurate definition of the origin, but did you
know that the full phrase is more commonly, in England, 'ship-shape and
- thanks to Lee Goddard, London, England.
to swing a cat": "Your
explanation of "Room to swing a cat" is incorrect. The phrase has been traced
back to the century before the cat o'nine tails was invented. The correct
explanation appears to be in some doubt, but most likely DOES refer to an actual
- thanks to
when he should have zagged":
cite "Catch 22" as the origin of the phrase "zigged when he should
have zagged". Permit me to call your attention to the last four lines of Act I,
Scene 2 of "The Desert Song", a hugely popular musical from 1926. (I have read
that, but for a contract dispute, it--and not "The Jazz Singer"--would have been
Warner Brothers' first "talkie" motion picture.) For information on the musical,
Susan : Bennie, why didn't you zigzag and avoid the bullets?
Benjamin: I did zigzag--
Susan : Then how were you shot?
Benjamin: I must have zigged when I should have zagged!
I won't claim that this is the origin of the phrase, but it beats Joseph Heller
(who published Catch 22 in 1961) by thirty-five years."
- thanks to
Chip Buckner, Overland Park, Kansas.
on the wall":
"I was hoping I would find:
"spaghetti on the wall"
in your wonderful list! Hope you can add it soon."
on the wall":
I was a little girl and my Mother taught me how to make spaghetti I was told by
her, and later reminded in my home economics class that "throwing spaghetti on
the wall" is how you know spaghetti is fully cooked. If it sticks to the wall,
you have cooked it long enough. If it does not stick, you need to cook it more.
The real problem with this technique is that overcooked spaghetti sticks to the
walls too! While I have only been taught this, and never read it in a book, I
have seen numerous chefs reference this spaghetti trick."
Put the hammer down: "Freight haulers have most always been paid based on how much freight they carried
and how far they transported it; hence, speed became a priority.
In the early days of using trucks, they would often run at full throttle in rural areas.
Since those early trucks didn't have 'luxuries' such as cruise control,
drivers would literally place the head of a large hammer atop the accelerator
so they could rest their leg during the long drive."
Apple Of Your Eye,
Burn The Candle At Both Ends,
Cook One's Goose,
Hell Bent For Leather,
Keep It Under Your Hat,
Keep Your Shirt On,
Mind Your Ps And Qs,
- thanks to Shelia Clark, Colorado and Missouri.
39. On the wagon: “It in fact dates to Victorian times when prisoners where transported to the Old Bailey on a wagon. The officers guarding them would stop for a drink but the prisoners would have to stay on the wagon.” - thanks to Barry Maginn.
40. (Now the) “Cat's out of the bag”: “Old time sailor expression meaning the 'cat o' nine tails' is out of its velvet bag and someone is going to be lasted to the mast and flogged.” - thanks to Russell Nilson.
41. “Snake Oil”: “ 'Snake oil' came from Western imitations of Chinese
arthritis medicine that was made from the rendered fat of certain types of sea snake.
Modern tests indicate the Chinese stuff works but the western imitations of course
were all bogus so Snake Oil came to meant any quack medicine.” - thanks to Steve Pitt, Canada.
42. “Break A Leg”: “ The origin of the phrase “Break a Leg” came from the theater, as a wish of a good performance. The curtains would be lowered to signal the end of the show - this was the opportunity for the audience to clap. If the show was really good, the audience would want to see the actors again. This would result in the curtains being raised and lowered many times. The round wood pieces used in the bottom of the curtain were called “Legs” Hence if you performed well enough, you could “Break a Leg”. - thanks to Ken Friedkin, Junction City, Oregon.
43. “Sitting On The Throne”: “The throne of the pope opened and stored his chamber pot in the Palazzo Piccolomini, Pienza, Italy. The pope was Pius II (no kidding, we saw this dual purpose throne last month...)”. - thanks to Jim Knoke, Valley Center, California.
44. “Straight And Narrow”: This was formerly “strait and narrow”. “Strait” means narrow or confining, as in “strait jacket”, or a “Strait of Gibralter”. - thanks to David Wheat.
45. “To Have One's Cake and Eat It Too”: Meaning: You can’t have it both ways - you must make a difficult choice between two options. Origin: From the fact that you can enjoy a cake by possessing it and not eating it, or by eating it and therefore no longer possessing it. One excludes the other.” - thanks to Colin Hedges, E. Wenatchee, Washington.
46. “Chew The Fat”: This phrase refers to the processing and softening of hides by native Americans. This was the job of old women. Toothless old women would literally “chew the fat” off the inside of animal skins to make the hides soft and pliable. And, as the old women worked the hides, old did what old women will do - TALK, and “chew the fat”. - thanks to Sterling McCosh, Ephraim, Utah.
47. “Put English On It”: Snooker was based on billiards, and does not pre-date it. It is thought to have been invented by British Army officers serving in India in the 19th Century.
The game of snooker is played on a table with pockets (as is English Billiards).
See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cue_sports and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snooker”. - thanks to Jonathan Hartshorn, London, England.
48. Dead Ringer: “Regarding your cliche page and the cliche Dead Ringer, although the origins you have are true they are not the true origin of this saying.
Before we knew what a coma even was people that were thought to be dead were buried and then sometimes awakened. So when they buried them they put a rod into the ground with a string attached to a bell at the top of the rod. If the person awakened they rang they pulled the string and the bell rang at the top of the rod. There were always men on duty in the graveyard with shovels in case they ever heard a "Dead Ringer". They would shout out, "We have a Dead Ringer!" and dig them back up.” - thanks to Kurtis L. Bubier, Cedar Pines Park, California.
49. To Skylark: “In the 18th and 19th centuries young boys were employed by the Royal Navy, like all boys they loved “larking about” often in the uppermost parts of the rigging of a sailing ship. The very highest sails were called “sky-sails” so by extension (and because of the coincidence of the bird’s name) they were said to “sky-lark”.” - thanks to Eric Petrie, Somerset, United Kingdom.
50. The Whole Nine Yards: “The expression The Whole Nine Yards originated in the 2nd World War. The .50 caliber machine gun, that was fired by the door gunners, the tail gunners and the belly gunners on the big bomber planes, used ammunition that was linked together on 27 foot belts. Twenty seven feet = 9 yards, hence “I gave ’em the whole nine yards.” - thanks to Bill Tilley, Tallahassee, Florida, U.S.A.
51. Show A Leg: “It is correct that civilian women, mostly wives of the sailors were allowed to take berth on sailing vessels. When the roving watch came around to wake up those that were to go on the next watch, he would say, "Show a leg." If the woman was in the bunk she would show a leg so the watch would not further rouse her. If the man was in the bunk, the watch would continue to rouse the sailor. - thanks to James Banks, St. Louis, Missouri, U.S.A.
52. Counting Dukes: “A way to choose a person for a game. Children place their fist outward to be counted by way of touching each fist in succession to a rhyme. The last fist touched is the one chosen to lead the game, or rather “it.” The term “dukes” comes from the slang for fist, as in “put up your dukes.” - thanks to John Stout, U.S.A.
53. Son Of A Gun: “If the father was unknown... This is a very common error, and somewhat contested by “new grammarians,” but I’m still old school, and this is a clear case of the subjunctive mood. If, sets off the condition, so it should read, ‘If the father were unknown...’ ” - thanks to Kathryn Groobin, Santa Monica, California, U.S.A.
54. To Skin A Cat: “This refers to the phrase, “There is more than one way to skin a cat”. When I was a young fellow, 60 years ago, I learned the meaning of this saying from some old timers who were once mule drivers. They were called “Mule Skinners”. When bulldozers came along (ie Caterpillar), the operators were called “Cat Skinners”. The dozer could be operated either by use of foot pedals or hand levers. Therefore there was “More than one way to skin a cat” (ie Caterpillar) ” - thanks to Gary Weston, Yakima, Washington, U.S.A.
55. Hog Wash: “My understanding was always that when one washed up after dinner, the plates were rinsed into a bucket and that “wash” was fed to the hogs.” - thanks to Ron Wright, Tucson, Arizona, U.S.A.
56. The Proof Is In The Pudding: “ “To the British, pudding means the same as dessert in the US.” Actually a pudding is a sub class of deserts. A pudding must contain fruit. A desert does not need to.” - thanks to Steve Isherwood, Derby, United Kingdom.
"kantTYPEworthKRAPP" Pat and Melinda.
Thanks to Laurel Forbus.
word "incunabula" refers to books published with movable type from the time of
Gutenberg [~1450] to 1500."
Thanks to Chuck Robinove.
Altar-Boy, Chortle, Chortling, Eczema, Euthanasia, Altar-Boy, Geriatric, Ignoranus, Invention, Lackadaisical, Mendacity, Perspicacity, Platitude, Pompeii, Portend, Poverty, Specimen, Support
Hose & Truculent.
Thanks to Barry Nelson, USA.
"AUSSIE KISS, BEER COAT, BEER COMPASS, BREAKING THE SEAL, GREYHOUND,
JOHNNY-NO-STARS, MILLENNIUM DOMES, MONKEY BATH, MYSTERY BUS, MYSTERY TAXI, OH NO
SECOND, PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE, PICASSO BUM, SINBAD, SWAMP-DONKEY, TART FUEL,
TESTICULATING, TRAMP STAMP":
Thanks to David Bailey.
"BEAR MARKET, BROKER, BULL MARKET, 'BUY, BUY', CALL OPTION, CASH FLOW,
CEO, CFO, FINANCIAL PLANNER, INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR, MARKET CORRECTION, MOMENTUM
INVESTING, P/E RATIO, PROFIT, (S&P) STANDARD & POOR, STOCK ANALYST, STOCK SPLIT,
VALUE INVESTING, WINDOWS,YA HOO":
Thanks to Irvin Kauffman.
1. “Marge, you know it's rude to talk when my mouth is full.” Thanks to Kelsey McIntyre.
2. “Donuts! Outta my way jerkass!” & “Oh, I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money? Thanks to Mike Libb.
1. "Damon Albarn":
Thanks to Frans Karlsson, Lund, Sweden, for his submission of the Damon
Albarn anagram... Damon is a 'singer in blur'...
Paleface She Rides Hard = Fair Heads Scalped Here
Thanks to John Hall, Lund, Sweden, for his 'frontier days' submission...
George Herbert Walker Bush - Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog
Thanks to Bob Ries.
4. "The Last Supper = Streuth! Apples?",
"The United States Postal Service
= It dispatches letters to avenues",
"Sustainable energy = Sane, suitably
"Public relations = Crap, built on lies!",
"Is There Life on Mars? =
Aliens? Mothers' rife!", &
"The American First Lady, Laura Bush = I am
after a cuter husband - Hillary's!",
"Nose narcotic? = Snort cocaine!", "President'
Hillary Clinton? = Her intern policy:
President' Hillary Clinton? = Hi! try dollar\cent spin line.;
President' Hillary Clinton? = Notice thrill, lady spinner?;
President' Hillary Clinton? = Rich lady, in internet polls.;
President' Hillary Clinton? = Richly pliant, tender loins.", "The
Republican Party = Prat Cheney: "April? Tub!", "The
Republican Party"->"Elephant-crap? Bury it!""
Thanks to Mick Tully...
5. I note The Queen has reigned over us for sixty years. = “She is quite extraordinary”, everyone often gushes. - Thanks to Chris Sturdy.
"Hell its 1991 still, eh?":
Thanks to David Flynn Huerta, Austin, Texas...
Thanks to David Worden, Austin, Texas.
Thanks to Martine Froget, Lyon, France.
Sex often: I met foxes. -- should read: Sex often: I net foxes.
What! So he is hanged, is he? So what? -- not even remotely a palindrome
Additions to your list ...
No sir, poo prison!
past encina grow organic net sap
Nam regrets young gnu oyster german
no, lemme toot em, melon
Gollem aced ode camel log
Thanks to Paul Holmes.
rat sees Tara,
Deer as a reed,
Nat sees tan,
Rat sees tar,
Tara sees a rat, Ron,
I'm a minor,
Today, a dot,
Emma, I am me,
No, man! Nick: cinnamon!,
No Omaha moon,
Stop, stupid, I put spots!,
Pat, won't it now tap? &
Wolf, won't it now flow?,
I have tennis in net, Eva; Hi!
and many others: Sudan? An ad,
U.S.; Loot a tool; Draw a ward; Nab a ban; Danielle in
ad; Lie, veer fast! It's a free veil!; Space
caps; Red rums murder; Evian, I saw Nissan as sin. Was I naive?;
Emit: Noah? Ha! On time?; Walter
et Law; Yo! Jazz. A Joy!; Ah, Tabatha!; A
global lab Olga; Work row; Nathan: ah, tan!; Eroded ore; Pirates set a R.I.P.; Pirates did set a
R.I.P.; Trap a rodent, Ned, or a part; Busy sub; Not so bad, a "Boston"!; Is
saga A. Agassi?; Warhol? Oh, raw!; Kramer's remark; Nap at a pan; "Snap-on
Tools" loot no pans; Ah, tramp Martha!; Mask carton, not rack, Sam; Panda
dad, nap; Step One: No Pets; Daniela Coleman, name locale in ad; Not L.A., Dalton?; Topeka, take pot; Topeka, bake pot; Topeka, make pot; Topeka, wake! Pot!; Nab, rub US Navy van (Suburban); Not a baton?; Muse nine, sum; A rod naps, Pandora; See, Smith, Tim sees; A lone Enola; Lee has a tuba, but as a heel
Thanks to Hernan Montfort, Monterrey, Mexico...
supposed to be the ultimate palindrome in that it's three-dimensional - it reads
the same backward, forward, up and down. I didn't originate it and I'm not a
Latin scholar so I'm not sure it means anything.
Thanks to William Lovern, Hawaii
Murphy is overly optimistic":
Thanks to Berry Anderson for his Murphy-ism... Berry loves joe-ks.com but
says it takes up too much time... That's what we're here for!
submitted by joe-ks.com readers
Out? Look For A Deer Crossing":
As per L. Storie of Winnipeg, Manitoba, this "Deer" article has nothing to do
with Baltimore Gas and Electric (as originally reported): credit should go to
Manitoba Hydro (as per a March 17, 2004 article in the Winnipeg Free Press,
quoting CN Rail spokesman Jim Feeny). This happened in December 2002...
Thanks to Ed Hurtley for his
correction to the "Bush Quotes". Ed mentions that "With as often as Bush has mis-spoken,
I could see a wonderful list appearing. Unfortunately, these are not them. All
of those quotes are by former Vice President Dan Quayle. The quote 'One word
sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be
prepared' should actually read '... responsibility of any Vice President..." -
the real quote." As a post-note, Ed mentions, "Not that it makes them any less
As per Richard Thiessen, this article is a "Tall Tale" hoax - showing real
pictures but inaccurate information.
Heather Greene (the
woman shown in the article) is a real person, but she's NOT from Holland, nor is
she the tallest person in the world. Heather lives in Las Vegas, and she is 6' 5
1/2" in bare feet (7'2" in heels) - well short of the real tallest person in the
world (Sandy Allen of Shelbyville, Indiana who reached 7' 7 1/4" as a teenager
before undergoing pituitary surgery to control her growth)...
Thanks to Lisa Grayson from
Buffoonco for her
corrections for Step #5 - to add 1754 if you had your birthday this year; or to
add 1753 if you haven't... (post note: Lisa's submission to us was in 2004 and her #s are year-dependent and for 2004 only): updated in 2011 by the Joe-kster
Thanks to David L. Worden, Austin, Texas, for bringing to our attention that
Lisa's numbers (in Step 3A above) don't work for 2006: Looks like the #s
you use for Step #5 are dependent on the year you're in: for 2006 Step #5 - add 1756 if you had your birthday this year; or to
add 1755 if you haven't...
FYI - June 2007:
Chocolate Math updated for 2007 thanks to a reminder from David!
Thanks to Richard Thiessen for pointing out that in the War of 1812, the
leader was George Cockburn because (A) it wasn't William Lyon Mackenzie (since he didn't arrive in Canada from Scotland until
1820); and (B) it wasn't William Lyon Mackenzie King (who was
the grandson of William Lyon Mackenzie and who was the Prime Minister of Canada).
Richard can't find anything to substantiate that Cockburn was "hammered" when he
led the troops though...
Brian Suddeth points out that the original posting for the 2003 Darwin Awards
is a false list. For the REAL Darwin Awards go to
Moose: Post Note":
Specialist Dr. Bob Bradley notes that this is definitely a hoax, as per the
following: (A) the body is that of a caribou while the antlers are moose
antlers; and (B) the colour of the body is mantled grey, and not black as would
be for that of a moose... guess this was only a Moosestake after all!
Wired Moose: Post-Post Note":
"I thought you should know that it's true, except for two points - it was
in Anchorage, AK, not Fairbanks, AK, and the antlers have not gone missing, to
my knowledge. As a lifelong resident of Alaska, I have seen (and on several
occasions, skiied or biked into) many moose. All of them were brown or grey. I
have never seen a black moose (The moose in the picture is brown, by the way).
Also, he [Dr. Bob Bradley]
said that the body of the moose was a caribou's body. If you look closely,
you'll find that the moose in the picture has a distinctive hump on its back,
just behind the head. This is a distinctive characteristic of moose. You can
confirm this information with a biology textbook and/or a search on Anchorage's
newspaper web site,
www.adn.com." Thanks to Eli Conway,
Wired Moose: Post-Post-Post Note":
"This is not a hoax - as it appeared in this month's edition of
Alaska Magazine (Feb 2005 issue, P14). This happened in Delta Jct, about 90 miles out east of
Fairbanks. Golden Valley Electric confirmed that they were stringing a powerline for Pogo Goldmine by a private
Contractor." Thanks to Bob & Hollie Carroll,
Thanks to Brett BearClan for pointing out a
now-corrected broken link to the
"Bald Rabbits" groaners!
Wilfried Knoth points out that not only is the 'Winner Story'
false, but it's 6 years old! For the REAL Darwin Awards go to
Dock Overboard Oh-Nos":
"The last (bottom) picture is a fake. Start on
picture number 1 and look at the parked cars in the background, and take notice
of the angle of the camera taking the picture. Compare picture number 2 to
picture number 9. The last one is a fake." Thanks to Keith
Anderson, Springville, Utah.
- Afghanistan Version":
"The Iraq minesweeper game shows a map of Afganistan. Why isn't the
game called the Afganistan minesweeper game?" Oops! Our proof-reader (me!) must have been napping again... it's now
corrected, thanks to David
On Ice? Must be cold Down Under":
Thanks to Anna Bidgood for pointing out to us
"that ain't a kangaroo 'cause the back feet are cloven -
not 'toed'. And its front legs are just curled up underneath it - and not short
with expressive little hands like the roos. Looks veeeeery much like a roo - but
if that was a roo - he'd be pretty pissed off & would give the photographer a
look of 'whatddya think YOU'RE lookin' at buster???'" There you go - Anna 'toed' you so!
Lincoln and Kennedy Similarities":
"Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Iffy at best - JFK did
nothing in his lifetime to further civil rights. It was LBJ who actually
Lincoln's contribution was in starting the war that ultimately freed the slaves,
but gave them few, if any, civil rights.
Both were assassinated by Southerners. Booth was born and raised in Bel Air
(near Baltimore), Maryland. This hardly makes him a southerner save for his
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Kennedy.' Kennedy was shot in a car
called a 'Lincoln.' Lincoln was shot at Ford's Theater.
Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse. Oswald ran from a
warehouse and was caught in a theater. Booth was cornered an killed in a barn on
the Garrett farm."
Thanks to Chas. Rabas.
Lincoln and Kennedy Similarities":
"John Wilkes Booth was
apprehended and shot in the burning barn on Dr. Samuel Mudd's property, not in a
warehouse. Also, there is no such city of Monroe, Maryland."
Thanks to Steve
Morton, West Bloomfield, MI.
"The original answer for the 'Mountain
Illusion' picture is
incorrect - there is no Ox on the mountain picture. The scenario is animals
you would find in the mountains. Here's the
pic with the correct answers!" Thanks to
Signing Puzzle": "Those aren't called 'hand signs'". It is indeed
a 'hand' and it is 'signing' but It's the 'Manual Alphabet' from American Sign
Language. More specifically, it's the Spanish Manual Alphabet and it was adopted
by the deaf in most European countries and in the Americas. Russia even uses it.
The British manual alphabet employs two hands for each letter. When it's
actually put into use we deaf people call it 'finger
spelling' but I've never known any deaf people to call it hand signing. That's
what the animation shows - finger spelling." Thanks to
Ray Foster, Cathedral City, California.
View of North America Aug 2003 Power Outage": "This
picture is a hoax. All you need to see to realize that is to look in northern
Canada or the ocean where there are no lights. It appears blue while the
supposed blackout in the US appears black. Someone has doctored the image."
Thanks to Heath
give away the Punch Line in your joe-ks!" You know
which one we're referring to, Lee... won't happen again!
Thanks to Lee McIntyre.
Vision of the 2005 Home Computer": "The
February 2005 edition of Popular Mechanics addressed this picture and indicated
it was a Hoax, publishing along with it the original, unaltered picture (a
Thanks to Mark
For a Trade-In?": "This
article is based on my essay entitled 'Trade-In
Wanted' as published in the November 2003 edition of 'Ozark Senior Living'."
Thanks to Linda S.
William's Peace Plan": "This
has been proven a hoax. Robin Williams didn't (and wouldn't) say that. Refer to
Article #1 &
Article #2. Robin Williams is one of the funniest, no doubt, but he's also
adheres strongly to liberal political views, favoring world government, amnesty
for immigrants, open borders, humanitarian aid, anti-oil and pro-environment.
Therefore, he wouldn't be saying many of the things in that list, and which is
why I doubted its veracity. Thanks for all of the effort you go through to make our lives
out here a bit better!"
Thanks to Keith
photos you have posted as being Hurricane Katrina approaches are not from that
storm. I checked out
www.snopes.com (a leading hoax-busting site), and the webmasters had this to
"Indeed, these pictures are apparently
all-purpose storm photos, trotted out on a
near monthly basis and retitled to correspond to the latest large weather
phenomenon. These photographs have now been circulated as depicting:
a. Australian tornadoes, May 2005
b. Severe storms in southern Alberta, July 2005
c. Severe storms and tornadoes in Ontario, August 2005
d. Hurricane Katrina in the Gulf Coast, August 2005
These images are actually photographs of tornadoes taken by storm chaser Mike
Hollingshead in southwest Iowa in late spring 2004. Most of them are viewable on
2004 Digital Photos section of his web site (scroll about halfway down the
are still some wicked pictures, though, aren't they?"
Thanks to Fred Jerant.
"Yes, Joe these are a
hoax. Those pictures are actually photographs of tornadoes taken by storm chaser
Mike Hollingshead in southwest Iowa in late spring 2004.
This link will give you the
rest of the story..."
Thanks to Darwin Mckee.
is made of soybeans, water, and magnesium chloride":
translation" section has a statement that is 100% true. Tofu really *is* made
from soybeans, water and magnesium chloride. Soaked soybeans are ground with
water to make soybean "milk;" magnesium chloride added to the "milk" serves to
solidify the stuff into the final cheese-like substance."
Thanks to Fred Jerant.
Post Note: we suspected the Japanese had a yen for
"In your joke about
Prince Charles Marriage and Warning the Pope you have erred. The joke says
the Pope died in 1981 and that is NOT so. The Pope died in 1978 and the new Pope
John Paul II was SHOT in 1981. He did not die."
Thanks to K Braunzyk.
"The big snake on
this link is not a Carpet Python, it's an African Rock Python (often
confused for the Burmese Python which is real similar). It's not native to
Australia which is why it made the news. I've owned Burmese, Afrcian Rock and
Carpet Pythons. While Carpet Pythons can, but rarely do get that big, they don't
have the girth of that snake. They are a much more slender snake and the color
patterns are wrong for a Carpet. African Rocks are mean as hell and get huge,
especially their heads, if they keep eating larger prey their heads grow to
accommodate it. Here's a link to the picture of the "Carpet Python" on
your website that is also on a
website for South African Animals. I think the guy who claims to have sent
you that picture is pulling one on ya..."
Thanks to Ed Knebel.
Man On The Moon - a Hoax?":
"My dad was the head NCO
of the crash boats at Langley AFB and used to retrieve space capsules from the
ocean while stationed at Langley.
Scott Carpenters son attended my younger brothers birthday party. The Mercury
astronauts all trained at Langley, and I saw them all at one time or another."
More info on this hoax...
Thanks to Darwin McKee.
Man On The Moon - a Hoax?":
"The "logic" used to
arrive at the conclusion is pretty much like some of the English used to
describe it. For example, near the lower right hand corner of the piece, we
find, "PS. Even if the American's...." Two punctuation errors in a snippet that
short? Pretty much describes the scholarly level of the whole piece. Makes me
think the piece was written by a child. Possibly even by someone whose PARENTS
had not yet been born, on that historic occasion. All you need is a little bit
of memory, or slightly more research, to know that one bit of "evidence" is the
product of a deliberate attempt to create, rather than unveil, a hoax -- or the
product of ignorance.
It's an easy answer to the incorrectly punctuated question, "Then how is it that
the U.S. flag is clearly waving in both these pictures." IT IS NOT WAVING! A
waving flag would never have its top edge ruler straight, as shown in the
pictures. NASA's people, knowing a flag hanging limply from a pole is not so
easily recognized, and knowing there is no breeze on the moon, crafted a rod,
perpendicular to the pole, to support the top edge of the flag and give it the
appearance of waving. If the genius who created the hoax had actually sought the
truth, the unnaturally straight top edge of the flag would have given a clue.
Moreover, in two pictures, the top stripe of the flag is darker, which suggests
the object supporting it. In a photo of better quality, it's likely that the
actual shape can be seen.
I can't help wondering if the hoax creating "analyst" has ever actually taken a
photograph with anything but the most basic, rudimentary equipment. Or if the
mere notion of taking a physics course ever passed through that analytical mind.
(Let alone actual attendance in such a course.) For example, what one phrase
really means is, "I have no clue!" The phrase in question, ". . . there are no
air molecules; which would mean that anything in a shadow would be pitch black."
You've gotta be really confused to imagine there's any relationship between air
molecules and photography, which involves light.
A key component of successful photography is contrast. Another is the intent, or
goal, of the photographer. The photos our hoaxer cites as not having stars in
them were not intended to show stars. They were, however, intended to show the
moon, the people on the moon, and other such things with which the author takes
issue. Even on the moon, the exposure necessary to capture stars against a dark
background is significantly different from the exposure necessary to capture
images of a footprint, flag, or reflection. Because of the contrast limitations
of the film available at the time, it was impossible to get an image of
something on the surface, and of a star in the sky, at the same time.
Ancient man developed myths to explain natural events. Apparently, this hoaxer
is one of those who still imagines planets are eaten, the earth rests on
someone's shoulders, etc. Otherwise, it would occur to them that, even on earth,
stars become completely invisible during daylight hours. And, at night, if you
take a picture of someone on high ground surrounded by sky, you'll either get a
good picture of the subject with no stars, or a good picture of stars, with the
subject as a mere outline, where the model's body obscures
stars. The laws of physics and photography don't change, just because one is on
a distant orb.
Even though the latitude of film cannot handle such massive extremes of
contrast, shadow is another thing confusing the analyst. The first picture, with
a bunch of red arrows on it, makes no sense. Maybe in a larger, or in the
original, version, it would be easy to recognize the flawed logic. As presented
on your site, it's not even possible to recognize any logic.
As for the shoe print shadows, all are consistent with light from a single
source. You don't have to have spent time in the military analyzing photos all
day long to develop the skills needed to recognize this simple fact. Nor does it
take a lot of time in a studio, under controlled (Not to mention, controllable
and infinitely variable.) lighting conditions, to develop an understanding of
the interplay between light and shadow or the effects of
reflection and of uneven surfaces.
Shadow and photography are, for this dupe, a hopeless mix. It does not appear,
to anyone who understands the two, that "Armstrong's body is receiving (sic)
light from his right side as well." (sic) The same issue arises in the picture
of the astronaut on the ladder. High quality film, properly exposed and
developed, has significant latitude. Therefore, it's possible for one area to be
brightly lit with another area in shadow, and the image of both areas to be
recognizable. A term photographers use to describe this phenomenon is "shadow
detail." The reality is that many, if not most, good natural light photographs
are taken in shadow or some other form of indirect light, rather than in the
harsh glare of sun. Flash pictures are, of course, a different thing.
Simply put, it's a lie to say that merely being in shadow makes something
"barely visible." While it's entirely possible to use a combination of film,
exposure, and development in such a way as to render even color photos in a
virtually featureless two tone manner, it's also possible to take photos such as
the ones in question, without manipulation or multiple light sources.
In a court of law, if a witness is shown to have lied about anything, it's
reasonable to assume everything from that witness is a lie. By the same token,
if a witness has offered two mutually exclusive statements, it's not necessary
to determine which is true or which is false. If it's impossible for both to be
true, then the witness has lied.
Whether grossly ignorant or greedily grasping for some Internet fame by coming
up with a hoax, the result is the same. A hoax. Not NASA's. Yours.
I don't recall everything about that event with 100% clarity, so I could be
wrong about one thing. I suspect, however, it's your story which, again, has it
wrong. The assumptions of "heat," a crater, and a fried flag seem to come from
some old space movies, and a lack of understanding about how the lunar lander
worked. Again, I could be wrong. However, I believe it's the case that the
thrust which brought the lander down softly, and raised it back from the lunar
surface, had nothing to do with heat. I believe it was a compressed gas, sort
of like the duster cans now sold in office and computer supply stores. Nothing
fried or melted results from using them. Maybe the figure of 25,000 pounds was
the number of pounds pressure per square inch of the compressed gas, or of the
escaping gas at the nozzles. I question whether the entire package, as it landed
on the moon, weighed anywhere near 25,000 pounds. Maybe it did, but there are so
many other things grossly, obviously, and inexplicably wrong in the piece that I
don't see any reason to think this one factoid might be accurate.
The photograph with the reflection was probably NOT taken by the astronaut being
reflected. I suspect the camera, with wide angle lens, was in the left hand of
the astronaut in the picture. The assumption that there were only two cameras,
fastened to the astronauts' chests, is wrong. I think I read about several
cameras -- thousands of dollars' worth -- which were left on the moon. I know
there was at least one camera affixed to the lander. And, there's even a photo
in the spread which gives evidence at least one fixed camera was used.
Being so caught up in the bogus theory of a hoax, I guess it was easy to
overlook the picture with two astronauts in it; the one purporting to show two
different length shadows. Who took that picture? Another reason that shot is
significant is what it illustrates about the problem with contrast. Shadows,
dead black. Astronauts, brilliant white; almost featureless. The ground? Very
nicely exposed. Happens a lot, with averaging light meter systems.
Unfortunately for the conspiracy notion, the same photo illustrates distortions
utilized to arrive at that phony notion. If there were multiple light sources,
there would be MULTIPLE SHADOWS of each individual. Any night, on a street with
street lights, this can be illustrated. As you walk along the sidewalk, you will
have multiple shadows, some darker than others, from the multiple lights.
In the photo, the explanation for the longer shadow is obvious to anyone who
seeks the truth. The astronaut on the right is on higher ground than the one on
the left, so even though they may be the same height, his effective height for
purposes of shadow casting is greater. We know this is true because of the dark
ground between them, compared to the well lit space in the left part of the
photo, where the shadows are found. If they were on even ground, it would be
evenly lit. What a twit.
Even though it's not funny, but pathetic, I guess the exercise in hoaxery served
the purpose of your site. It provided me with a pointless exercise to while away
some time. Keep up the good work, but ditch the trash!"
More info on this hoax...
Thanks to Courtney
Du Jour: Donald Duck":
"There is a stupid error
in your site - in the
Diatribe du Jour your #14 states that Donald Duck is banned in Finland because
he doesn't wear pants. This statement is false and has no truth in it. I know
the background for this urban legend - in the seventies the city of Helsinki was
about to drop Donald Duck
comics from the public health care systems reading - the papers that are
provided for customers waiting for doctor's appointment. The reason for this was
to save money - but the citizens opposed the city's decision, and the city
continued its subscription. One reason might have been political, if I remember
right (I was a teenager back then), the proposal for cancellation was made by
communist party - which had a small minority in the city council - because of
the political reasons. This piece of information came out later when the
subscription was renewed. Somehow this episode got out of hands and has lived
its own life after that. So, my recommendation is that you change the #14 to
show how things may get out of hands if no-one is actually interested about the
Thanks to Antti-Heikki
"The 'Chinese Puzzle Car'
on your mage_files page might look like an offer in a style matching with that
cliche - but the car itself can be easily identified as an elder Volkswagen Golf
model (most probably, 1980s - edgy
shape, but already non-chromed synthetic bumpers). So, you rather might call it
'German car, offered as Chinese do-it-yourself puzzle'". Thanks to
"A lot of the phrases
listed as oxymorons do not really fulfill the stated definition: "A figure of
speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction":
Weekday is an oxymoron. Safe sex is not. Many of the listed phrases might
qualify as sarcastic comments, but not true oxymorons, i.e., a random sampling:
Canadian bacon (???)
Fairly obvious (whereas fairly explicit IS an oxymoron, see the difference?)
Final conclusion (???)
Half dead - Half empty - Half full - Half naked - Half true - Halfway done -
Salacious wife". Thanks to
Jacqui Graham, Burns Lake, B.C.
The Longest Word Using Chemical Symbols":
The longest word that can
be spelt entirely using chemical symbols without reusing any element is:
NoNRePReSeNTaTiONaLiSmS (there are actually four different "spellings");
The longest non-dictionary (purely scientific, not in the ENABLE dictionary)
HYPOThAlAmICoHYPoPHYSeAl (there are actually eight different "spellings").
There is a tie for longest words that can be spelled using unique chemical
"HYPErCoAgULaBiLiTiEs" and "HYPErCoNScIOUSnEsSeS".
Mark Nandor, Upper School Math
Chair, The Wellington School, Columbus, Ohio. More such useless chemical symbol word trivia can be found at
"This video of a
fabulous Rube Goldberg-like contraption that produces catchy, mellow music by
continuously shooting balls at various percussion instruments is a Hoax. The
device depicted in this video does not exist, at the University of Iowa or
anywhere else. It's an example of a computer-animated music video, this one
entitled 'Pipe Dream', produced by Animusic. For more information, go to this
Urban Legends site link." Thanks to
"The Santas on strike
photo was taken in New York City, not London." Thanks to
"Your picture of the
"Amazing Un-Bridge" is lacking an accurate description. I recognized it as one
of 3 bridge-tunnels near me. The "Amazing Un-Bridge" is about 15 miles from
where I live, and I have driven it on numerous occasions. I'm enclosing a
with the correct information on this bridge. It is actually the Monitor Merrimac
Bridge Tunnel (MMMBT) located in the Hampton Roads area of Virginia. It connects
the cities of Chesapeake and Newport News." Thanks to
Cynthia Craft, Virginia.
Well Do You Know Canada Quiz":
"Heyya, your "How well do
you know Canada" quiz has a bit of an erroneous question. Question 18: Mile 0 of
the Trans-Canada Highway is situated in which Atlantic city? A: St. John's,
Newfoundland... It's here, in Victoria, B.C.!"
"So how come there's a
Mile One Stadium in St John's me bye?"
Craig Hughes & Brian. - the Joe-kster stands
Well Do You Know Canada Quiz":
"Your answer putting
Churchill, Manitoba on the Arctic Ocean has me confused. Is Churchill NOT on
Hudson Bay? I myself do not consider Hudson Bay being the Arctic Ocean."
James L. Scott. - the Joe-kster stands
corrected on his Canadian geography... again!
"The "story" that goes
along with the moose logging is wonderful. It has been going around for about a
month now (at least here in Florida, where I live). I didn't know whether you
had seen it or not, so touching and so untrue, but sweet none the less. I've
attached the snopes link for you..."
Reference Link: 'Logging The Northern Way'
Well Do You Know Canada Quiz":
definition of the significance of a 1947 oil find in Leduc, AB, the denizens of
Petrolia, ON may wish to challenge the point. Their claim to being first & hence
the founders of Canada's Oil Industry predates the Leduc claim by about 100
years. To further the point Imperial Oil's Sarnia refinery was commissioned in
David Jarman. - the Joe-kster says,
"Well, oil be darned!" As a result of David's
enlightenment, we've added Question #20 to inform site browsers of the TRUE
founder of Canada's Oil Industry...
"Hey Joe, I was looking
through the site and came upon the "Skoda Limousine" page, and noticed that you
were saying that this limousine was Russian. Upon closer inspection, I realized
that according to the flags located in the front of the vehicle, this limo was
most likely from the Czech Republic, not Russia.
I used this flag page for reference:
Toly. - the Joe-kster confused
the Skoda with the Lada - must have been 'Russian' to conclusions again! Looks like Skoda is
indeed a car with Czech origins, although it's now owned by Volkswagen (since
"The picture you have is
not correct for the story. the dog in the picture is a Neapolitan Mastiff (I
have one). English Mastiff's are much larger than Neo's. On average 50 pounds.
the average weight for a Neo is 150."
"There are no mistakes
because one or two little posts (perhaps all the posts) can be pulled out to permit the
access in case of necessity (ambulance f.e.) as is usual in all the countries
that I have visited. The posts that can be pulled out have a lock in the base.
In any case is a nice non-joke."
Stefano Renzi, Panama.
Pictures taken by Stefano in Panama City showing removable posts (click on the
thumbnail images to expand to full size):
Chinese Korean Beach":
"I didn't check all the
"Chinese beach" photos, but in the first
one, the letters on the parasols are in Korean, not Chinese. Not the same
people! Unless "Canadians are Americans, too." You wouldn't believe, or maybe
you would, the assumptions made by many French people and other "continental"
Europeans - calling the Scots, Irish and Welsh "English", etc. Ah well."
of High Gas Prices":
"I thought you would want
to know the pictures of the so called Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan palace
is not a palace at all, but a hotel!"
Emirates Palace Abu Dhabi hotel
"Really should be
attributed to Kip Addotta "Wet Dream".
Beginning should be: "It was April the 41st, being a quadruple leap year" and a
couple typos for the ocean puns: muscles should be mussels and Aaa bologna
should be A-balonel!"
Wet Dream lyrics
Post-note: agreed - credits revised to Kip
Addotta 'Wet Dream' ringtone, and yes, mussels and abalone make more sense! But
we'll stick with our version of the leap year...
"Just letting you know
that the video you have listed on your site called "Retired New Orleans Boat
Captain" is really not from New Orleans. The ship was called the Windoc, enroute
from Thunder Bay to Montreal. This accident happened in the Welland Canal
(between Lake Erie and Lake Ontario) on the night of August 11, 2001. The
Allenburg Bridge operator was impaired. No one was badly hurt. Two crew members
reported minor injuries."
Well Do You Know Canada Quiz":
"Where did Canada's Oil
Your answer is incorrect. The first Commercial Oil Well was discovered Oil
Springs Ontario in 1858 and was discovered by James Miller Williams. Oil Springs
is the birth place of the Modern Oil Industry. Petrolia came after the Oil
Gordon Perry, Oil Springs, Ontario
Post-note: Well, oil be!
"This is a link to the
picture story of the Airbus crash!"
Thanks to Erwin Uhl, Abbotsford, B.C.
47. Motorcycle Enforcement in Japan
“Your caption 'Motorcycle Enforcement in Japan' is incorrect. That is Hong Kong. We all know the Asians look alike. :-)”
Thanks to George Niles.
48. Piranha on Steroids
“I'd just like to point out that this is a tiger fish, not a pirahna. I recognized it as my folks live on the Zambezi River and Tigers are a very popular fish for sport fishing.”
Thanks to Debb Rooken-Smith, Buckinghamshire, England.
49. Spot The Clock Answer
“If you want to see a more unusual clock, look at the picture (see 'Florence Time') of the clock in the Duomo in Florence, Italy. It is a 24 hour clock and only has an hour hand. Minute hands only came into regular use around 1690. Also note that it runs in a direction that we consider to be counter clockwise. Also, the numbers for 4, 9, 14, 19, and 24 are not what we consider correct for Roman numerals. The position of 1 is at the bottom, not the top. Interesting.”
Thanks to John Mathews, Mississauga, Ontario.
50. New Italian Police Car
“Look at the plates - it looks like they have a number of such machines. People who hope that Italians have damaged their ONLY Lambo should rather control their mirrors more often :)”
Thanks to Waldemar Rafalski.
51. Katoomba Railway “The Katoomba Railway is NOT the steepest incline railway in the world at 52 degrees. The Lookout Mountain, Tennessee Incline Railway at 72.7 degrees is the steepest. It was built in 1895 and is still operating. www.ridetheincline.com”
Thanks to Jay A. Morgan, Fort Payne, Alabama.
52. August 2010 Trivia “It definitely happens more often than every 823 years. The last month that had 5 Sundays, Mondays, and Tuesdays was March 2009.
The next one is May 2011. The last time it happened in August was in 2004 and will happen in August again in 2021. And since there are 7 months that have 31 days, and 7 possible starting days for the month, you can actually expect that a month beginning on a Sunday and containing 31 days would happen, on average, once per year. And it will happen on average every 7 years in August, depending on how the days fall on a leap year.” Thanks to Heath Countryman.
53. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode. FALSE! “In live film and a show that aired on the National Geographic Channel (The Whale That Ate Jaws), it's shown that orcas will kill a shark by holding them upside down, producing a state called tonic immobility that causes the shark to cease all struggles and go completely still. Since sharks need to continuously swim in order to move water through their gills and breathe, the orca essentially suffocates the shark to death. In any event, it's more likely that a dolphin, such as an Atlantic bottlenose, would employ a torpedoing tactic, most likely to protect its podmates.”
Thanks to Emily. See also http://video.tiscali.it/canali/truveo/2258968856.html
54. Florida Golf Hazard “Snopes has an article about this...” Thanks to Heath Countryman.
55. Katoomba Railway “I noticed an error in your Post Note about the Lookout Mountain, Tennessee Incline Railway. Its steepest incline is given as 72.7 degrees, but it’s actually 72.7% grade, which is arctan(72.7/100) = 36 degrees. So Katoomba Railway has a steeper maximum incline at 52 degrees.” Thanks to David Hines, Phoenix, Arizona.
56. Cheap Electric Car? “This (Cheap Electric Car article) would be alarming if it were true, but it’s way off base (not unsurprising, since FoxNews is the source). Here’s a debunk.” Thanks to Michael Sirois, Spring, Texas.
1. Chris Johnson,
- in demand as an MC for corporate and
non-corporate functions. and much sought after as a public speaker. The Joe-kster
highly recommends Chris and his hilarious stand-up comedy... laughter, humour
and coaching at its best - bringing back laughter in the workplace!
Canadian Aptonym Centre (CAC): David Chapman, Dartmouth, Nova Scotia maintains a
great site on aptonyms!
Subscribe to receive
joe-ks by email & receive the rest of our recommended humour (and humor!)
Really Annoying Phrases - Permanently", "Canadians
Really Are Pathetic Politicians", "Can
Residents Accept Phrase Phase", "Changing
Rules - Adjusting Pathetic Phrases":
Ratified and Patent Protected":
Rhetorical Authentic Pontificated Promises": thanks to Roy
Rarely Appreciate Police Protection":
Ranters Antagonists Prophets & Pyromaniac's": thanks to Roy
Repetetive and Positively Platitudinous!": thanks to Shane Donnelly
Signs of the Times Submissions
How to attract customers with attention-getting signs...
1. Septic Tank Truck #1: "Get
flush with us.", Lawyer #1: "We
do trials for errors." & Car Mechanic #1: "Come
see us if you need a brake."
Thanks to Byron Eldridge.
2. Septic Tank Truck #5: "Yesterday's
Meals on Wheels."
Thanks to Shawn Kennedy.
3. Exterminator's Truck: "We
make money the old-fashioned way. We kill for it.", Countryside Fence: "The
bull can cross the field in 4.7 seconds. Can you?" &
Restroom #8: "You
can squeeze it, you can shake it, you can bang it on the wall, but it's always
in your pants that the final drop will fall."
Thanks to Kirk Lowry.
4. Dry Cleaner's Shop #3: "We'll
clean for you. We'll press for you. We'll even dye for you.", "'We
Offer Pizza and Quiet" & "Would
you like syrup on your pancreas?"
Thanks to Phoebe Moll.
5. Apartment laundry room sign: "Please
be courteous and remove your clothes promptly." Thanks to
Jim Sutton, Mount Morris. New York.
6. Apartment stairwell sign: "No
urinating or defecating in stairwells by human or animal is not permitted." Thanks to
Kevan Brownson, Peterborough, Ontario
7. Funeral Home: "When
business is good, we can't brag. When business is bad, we can't complain!" Thanks to
Mike & Pam Dulin.
much ground would a groundhog grind if a groundhog could grind ground. A
groundhog would grind all the ground a groundhog could if a groundhog could
grind ground". Thanks to Mark
snapshot studio shall show some sharp snapshots soon" &
sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick". Thanks to
split a sheet a sheet i split upon the splitted
sheet i sit".
who doesn't know anything but knows he doesn't know anything, knows more than
someone who doesn't know anything and doesn't know he doesn't know anything".
strong Steven Stringer snared slickly six sickly silky snakes".
Roy Jones, Bendigo Australia.
1. Knock, Knock...
Who's There? I'm
A Pileup I'm A Pileup Who?
You are? What a bum deal... Thanks to
Rod Ewert, Abbotsford, B.C.
2. Knock, Knock...
Who's There? Glad
Glad you're my Dad!
Who's There? Fun
Fun you're my son!
Who's There? Rad
It's Rad that you're my Dad!
Brent Hale, Orem, Utah.
3. Knock, Knock...
Kandice Kandice Who?
Kandice dog do any tricks? Thanks to
4. Knock, Knock...
What Oscar? Did you cut yourself?
I had Andrea-m about you! Let me in!
Who's There? Drew
Look - I Drew you a picture!
Who's There? I C
A Q.T. I C A Q.T. Who?
I C A Q.T. through the window.
Who's There? I.C.
You tell me!
Who's There? Q.T.
You're my one and only Q.T.
Y.R.U. asking all those questions?
Andrea Jónsdóttir, Reykjavik, Iceland.
1. Two Perfect Pangrams:
C, F, G, H, I, J, K, M, O, P, Q, S, T, V, W, X, Y, and Z rule!"
Zack Fox bumps DQ RV nightly" Thanks to
2. Three Perfect Pangrams:
TV JFK quiz aged cwm sylph",
quiz J.K. McGaw fed Bronx sylph"
vex whiz: jam struck bong PDQ"
TV JFK quiz aged cwm sylph: Meaning: A
set of questions about the thirty-fifth President of the United States broadcast
in images from New York City's northernmost borough made a valley-dwelling
slender woman get older; TV quiz J.K. McGaw fed Bronx sylph:
Meaning: Cross-dressing eccentric person
John Kenneth McGaw provided food to a slender woman from New York City's
Fly, vex whiz: jam struck bong PDQ:
Meaning: Urging a winged insect to annoy an
expert because some fruit spread rapidly collided onto a marijuana smoking
device. Pretty convoluted, I know - but fun all the
same!" Thanks to
John E, Foote (Ret.) - Podiatrist" Thanks to
Kevan Brownson, Peterborough, Ontario.
Froget - French woman teaching English"
the beginning of my career my students have nicknamed me Froggy or with a pun: 'Froget
me not'." Thanks to
Martine Froget, Lyon, France.
Ake - Internal Medicine; Dr. Bonebreak - Orthopedic Surgeon; Mr. Wilt - Florist" Thanks to
Keith Bever, Orthodontist, Alma, MI" Thanks to
Wynne Noble Potter.
expert, or typographer, or font expert" Thanks to
Sherwood B. Fein, Seattle ob/gyn
Kingston Ferry: Puget Sound boat pilot
Rocky Rhodes: Soda jerk
Howdy Pipples: Maitre D'Hotel
Imogene Stitely: Fashion model
Joshua Bunch: Comedian
Michael Juster: Audio technician
Wanda Knowit: Librarian
Frank D. Tails: Hospice worker
Phil Piper: Plumber
Phil Pager: Journalist
Phil Bouquets: Fire marshal
Bill Weiner: Collection agent
Morey Duzzit: Personal trainer
Neil Downs: Altar-boy
Howie Astor: Jewelry salesman
Scott Free: Defense attorney
Kathy Terpel: Hospital orderly
Don Todeschi: Day laborer
Skip Dietz: Weight trainer
Bob Shallow: Swim coach
Al Panista: Mountain guide
Duncan Swallow: Doughnut chef
Jody Kammul: Tobacconist
Gayle Fervor: Storm chaser
Opie Shaw: Fact checker
Ira Peet: Audiologist
Bea Muse: Psychologist
Paul Bering: Mortician
Polly Morphic: Biologist
Lotta Handel: Wedding planner
M.N. Thralled: Novelist
Nick Wallace: Pickpocket
Sam and Janet Evening: Broadway singers
Drew P. Lidz: Night driver
Moe Demarier: Party planner
Rhonda Way: Truant officer
Shanda Lear: Interior decorator
Axel Turner: Truck driver
Shelby Comerford: Drainage engineer
Ishmael Bow: Tennis player
Liz Turene: Dental hygenist
Evan Jellick: TV preacher
Asa Feller: Timberjack
Claude Knightly: Lion tamer
Sandy Schortz: Beach patrol
Justin Tyme: Safety officer
Jack B. Nemble: Firefighter
Jimmy Locke: Burglar
Ray Cleeves: Gardener
Amy Skyward: Astronaut
Hugh Matches: Interior decorator
Lon Moore: Gardener
Mariah Kuppel: Justice of the Peace
Evan Keilor: Psychoanalyst
Rick Shaw: Taxi driver
Rob U. Blind: Accountant
Stu Belcher: Camp cook
Teddy Fields: Farm worker
Milo Betz: Bookie
Cher Alike: Philanthropist
Yuri Lated: Genealogist
Richard and Fanny Tanner: Nudists
Portia Driver: Car sales
Aloiscious Gumtroo: Department-store Santa
Don Weenauer: Gay apparel
Howie Dewitt: Shop teacher
Cindy Jour: Call girl
Hiram Ketchum: Security guard
A 1960s MAD Magazine featured dozens of these, many with illustrations,
Lois D. Nominator: Math teacher
Mark Cards: Poker player
Philmore Seatz: Theater usher
Steve Adore: Dock worker
Lance Boyle: Dermatologist
Curt Manners: Private investigator
Marion Etz: Puppeteer
Frezia Asimov: Arctic Explorer
Andy Walker: Peruvian guide
Phelan McCracken: Proctologist
Elwin Deprise: Carnival shill
There is also a commercial sign, Harvard Square, Cambridge, MA, second floor
Dewey, Cheatham and Howe, Attorneys at Law" Thanks to
"Lawyer - refer to
http://www.sullcrom.com/yoosueh/" Thanks to
8. “There is a magazine editor named Paige Dunn. I am not kidding.” refer to paigedunn.com Thanks to Stephen Stickel.
9. “How about an accountant named Rob D. Coffers. Thanks to John Mankos.
"Forestry for Dummies" by B. E. Aver,
"White House Ethics" by Bill Clinton,
"My Two Terms
as President" by Hillary Clinton, &
Years" by Al Gore.
Thanks to Kirk Lowry.
Tiger" - By Claud Balls.
Thanks to Edward Presley.
1, 2 3."
- By Mike Czech.
Thanks to Don Holleman.
Stains on the Wall" - By
Who Fung Pooh.
Thanks to Tim Settlemyre.
5. “Alive or Dead” by Diddy Die. Thanks to Casey Steven.
6. “ “Yellow Streams” by I.P. Freely is one my mom always told me that is similar to some you have posted. Some from our church bulletin that set me looking for more: “Walking to School” by Misty Bus. “How to Check a Pulse” by Izzy Dead. “Where Have All the Animals Gone?” by Darin Dabarn as well as another by Hugo First: “Into the Lion's Den”. Another I recall vaguely from highschool was something like “Bridges of the World” by Sue E. Sidle. There are a lot of possibilities for books that she could write: “The History of Guns” or “A Guide To Pharmeceuticals” are two other inappropriate titles that come to mind.” Thanks to Stephanie Quinn.
7. “Hannibal Lecter in Russia” by Tudor Titov. Thanks to John Jones.
8. “Open Kimono” by Seymour Hair. Thanks to Robert St-Laurent.
week I went to a training about Network Marketing, given by a very bright German
man. He appeared to be a great speaker with an incredible sense of humour.
Someone you could easily listen to for a whole evening, even if the subject
interest you. He started the evening saying: " I think it said in the
announcement this training would be in English. I have to appologize there! I
will do my best but since I'm German, I'm afraid this training will be in "Germlish"!
Actually, his English wasn't all that bad..."
Thanks to Idske Mulder.
Goat Roper and Goat-Rope
term 'Goat Rope' is a derogatory term for a cowboy to infer that he is
immature. Cowboys do not let their little boys rope cows; they let them practice
on goats. Now can you imagine a half dozen little boys out trying to rope a
goat? Kind of chaotic; ergo "a goat-rope.
'Lexdysia' is "dyslexia" with the first two syllables reversed as a
dyslexic person might read the word."
Thanks to Newton G. Talley.
time when everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work."
Thanks to Dave Longworth.
soda' for 'baking soda.' & 'Mairzy Dotes' - Words & Music by Milton Drake, Al
Hoffman & Jerry Livingston, 1943; Recorded by The Pied Pipers, 1944. The lyric
and guitar chord transcriptions on this site are the work of The Guitarguy and
are intended for private study, research, or educational purposes only.
Individual transcriptions are inspired by and and based upon the recorded
versions cited, but are not necessarily exact replications of those recorded
Thanks to Phil Lelle.
word undertoad comes from the phrase Under Toad which was coined by John Irving
in his book The World According to Garp."
Thanks to Phil Lelle.
led the pigeons to the flag": [of
the United States of America]
Thanks to Martha Henderson.
"'Tis better to remain silent...":
"Incorrect Bumper Sticker - 'It's
better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt.'
This is a quotation by Samuel Johnson. The original reads: 'Tis
better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than open one's mouth and remove
all doubt.' The meaning is much clearer with the addition of the words
'remain silent'." Thanks to Jacqui
not your wife's wisdom. Look who she married!"
Thanks to Eddy Joyce.
for Peace" - Thanks to
got the time. I haven't got a watch!" "During
an extremely heavy snowfall in Holland in November 2005, the traffic in
Apeldoorn got completely stuck. That Friday Bert was going somewhere by car, and
ended up standing still for a long time. Being bored, he started to look around
and noticed the bumper sticker on the car in front of him: "I've got the time. I
haven't got a watch!" Being a very relaxed person himself, he liked that bumper
sticker very much. Then, after a while the car in front of him turned around and
went back. Then he thought, "Yes, that's what I should do too! Let's enjoy this
beautiful Friday and go home to the wife again and have a cup of coffee with
her, instead of standing still all the time." And so he did..." - Thanks to
is loving a dog" (on upper Bumper
love cats" (on ;ower
Bumper Sticker) - Thanks to
Lance E. Mulligan.
"I have what I think is an original oxymoron for you.' Thanks to Newton G.
(as in from a Computer)":
"My favourite Oxymoron stares at me every time I open a computer
program and I was very surprised not to find it. It is the "help" function.
Obviously the most contradictory of all when one calls for it.' Thanks to Jack Russell.
Exciting Cricket Match?" Thanks to Michael
1. “A Reimer Runs Through It
Boyz in the Field
I Know What You Did Last Sunday
Indiana Johns and the Rempel of Doom
Missing in Auction
Revenge of the Herds
The Bad News Fehrs
The Bergens of Madison County
The Littlest Hairbraid
Young Guenthers” Thanks to Abe Wall,
2. “As Good as it Gets, Yet Chariots of Kielke Driving Miss Driedger Friesen Willy
Gone with the Kielke Klassen vs. Klassen Lord of the Reimers On Goosen Pond
Pulp Friesen Quest for Zwiebach Rempels of the Lost Ark Saving Private Ryan Rempel Steinbach Redemption The Prince of Toews Wiens World” Thanks to
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada.
3. “The Astronaut Farmer Sausage” thanks to
Phil Wiebe, Selkirk, Manitoba, Canada.
4. Moby Dueck - “One day you'll
smell ham where there be no ham ... aaaarr”
The Good, The Bad And The Ungers - “When you drash, drash, don't
talk!" Shinda's List - “I could
shaved more...” Gone with the Kielke
- “Frankly, Scarlet, I don't give a ham” Thanks to
David Elias, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada.
Fleisch... Don’t Be Afraid of the Darp... How to Eat Frieda Wiens” Thanks to Kate Robinson (nee Elias),
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada.
6. “A Streetcar Named Yanka”,
“Bowling for Carmen”,
“Dances with Wolgemuth”,
“Groening in the Rain”,
“Rempel Without a Cause”,
“Some Like it Holy”,
“The Grapes of Voth”,
“Twelve Angry Mennos”, “Unger Games”, “Fleisch Gordon” & “Froesen” Thanks to Chris Toews (Originator of the first Menno Movie List), Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada.
7. “Fehr & Buhler’s Day Off” - thanks to Lou Reimer, Steinbach, Manitoba.
Newfie Term Feedback Submissions
Do you believe the term "Newfie" is demeaning and derogatory to the people of
1. "The French from the old
continent make up the same sort of jokes about the Belgians and the Belgians, of
course return the compliment :
Q: Why do the French tell Belgian jokes?
A: Because they are the only ones the French can understand!
The English make up jokes about the Irish and vice versa The French-speaking
Cameroonians make fun of English-speaking ones and so on.
The Newfie I am sure make similar jokes as the French from Quebec about those
from New Brunswick, but who believes that the shortcomings of men are different from one region of
the world to the other?
It's simply funnier to tease your neighbour or your brother as you know there
will be a reaction!
Q:Why does a wall collapse when a Belgian leans against it?
A: The cleverer yields first.
Alternatives to Belgians: A Frenchman/ Joe Defries / Martine Froget / an
Irishman / a Newfie
Just change the name of nationality and many of those jokes work!!! Newfie/
French/ Irish You can even make it a family joke with the name of one member of
the family! We never tease people we hate or despise or are indifferent to." Thanks to
Martine Froget, France.
2. "Read the article attached:
http://newfoundlandincanada.blogspot.com/2006/03/canadas-n-word-with-readings-from-book.html" Thanks to
him, but still keep your eyes open in bed." & "You
are a bundle of energy, always on the go in bed." Thanks to
will need good reading material in approximately 15 minutes in bed.",
girlfriend is like a bottle of wine, and a wife is like a wine bottle in bed.",
say, "Virgin like balloon one prick, all gone," in bed.",
have an ambitious nature and will make a name for yourself in bed.",
is the time to try something new in bed.",
takes longer than you think in bed.", "Speed
is no substitute for accuracy in bed.", "Love
is the triumph of "horny" over "smart" in bed.",
Everyone agrees you are the
best in bed.; Life is not a struggle, it's a wiggle in bed.; Few women admit
their age. Few men act theirs in bed.; If ignorance is bliss, you must be
orgasmic in bed.; Don't steal, the government hates competition in bed.; You
would be wise not to seek too much from others at this time in bed.; Good things
come in small packages in bed.
every able man there are other able men in bed." (from my friend Dave),
down south will lead you to unexpected happiness in bed.",
always know when to be kind and when to be assertive" in bed." Thanks to
4. Be generous, and the favor will be returned within the week. Thanks to Ashley Carter, Greenville, North Carolina, U.S.A.
5. You laugh now, wait till you get home. Thanks to Lauren Coffey, Louisville, Kentucky, U.S.A.
6. You will always be surrounded by true friends. Thanks to Ryan Blackhawke.
7. Great things happen after having fun. Thanks to Gus Marx.
8. Happiness is contagious, scatter the seed. Thanks to HaiDang Tran, Washington State.
9. Inspiration within is waiting for you. It's time to go deep. Thanks to Brent Veltri, U.S.A.
10. A close friend reveals a hidden talent. Thanks to John Gutzeit, U.S.A.
11. Love is like war; easy to begin but hard to stop. Thanks to Ryan McKinney, Maryland, U.S.A.
doctor and his son are critically injured in a car wreck. The doctor is taken to
one hospital for surgery. The son is taken to a different hospital for his
The doctor performing the surgery on the son looks at the boy and says, "I
perform the surgery on this boy. He is my son." How can this be?" Thanks to
marble walls as white as milk, Lined with skin as soft as silk,
Within a fountain crystal clear, A golden apple does appear, No
doors are there to this strong hold, Yet thieves break in and steal the
gold. What am I?" Thanks to
3. "Why is the sun hot?" Thanks to
Window by Eva Brick" & "Scary
Place by Hugo First" Thanks to
10. “The Man Behind The Bush by Izzy Naked” &
“The Naked Lady by Willie Raper
- thanks to Jennifer Selden, Essex Junction, Vermont, USA.
Chinese Windows" Thanks to
la recherche du temps perdu by Daisy Mist" Thanks to
4. "Falling Off A Bridge by Ilene Dover" Thanks to
5. "The Smell in the Vatican" & "I Think I Love You" Thanks to Paul Mansfield, Regina, Saskatchewan.
6. “Bathroom Etiquette by Gunner Tinkle” Thanks to
Tom Didion, Clarkston, Michigan.
7. “The Hungry Baby - By Nora Titoff” Thanks to
Debbie Wright, Maryborough, Victoria, Australia.
8. “7 Ways To Kill Yourself With Shampoo” Thanks to
Katie Holzman, Washington, D.C.
9. “Race To The Outhouse” by Willy Makeit, illustrated by Betty Dont Thanks to Frank Martin, St Louis, MO USA
11. “Pause Behind A Pyramid“, “Shorter Skirts“, “Russian Lung Diseases“ - thanks to Olivia Ashley, Amsterdam, The Netherlands.
baker's compulsion: The need to knead." Thanks to
do it in all positions." Thanks to
do it Daily." Thanks to Liz Tarnove.
love you long time, Asians do it with yellow fever, Belly dancers do it with
Brazilians do it smoothly, Canadians do it with beavers, Catholics do it on
Czechs do it with mates, Czechs mate better, Ministers do it as a service,
Ministers do it for others,
Ministers do it for the community, Muslims do it covered up, Polyglots do it
with their tongues,
Scientologists aim for the stars, Scientologists do it with the stars,
Volunteers do it for the community"
Denis de Carvalho.
4. “X-Ray techs do it in a darkroom, X-Ray techs do it with chemistry, X-Ray techs do it with different positions.” - thanks to Angela, Bronx, New York.
5. “Satanists do it for the hell of it.” - thanks to Brian Lineberger, Safford, Arizona.
6. “Machinists do it with automatic screw machines” - thanks to Ralph Tichrob, Amboy, Washington.
7. “Waiters do it patiently” - thanks to Neil G. McHardy, Palma de Mallorca, Spain.
1. "Tump." Thanks to
1. “Brain surgery is not so easy,” said Tom absentmindedly.
“Change That Nappie Now,” said Tom distinctly.
“Don’t give me any more crap,” said Tom dutifully.
“Felines should not have horns,” said Tom categorically.
“Global warming is the beast upon us,” said Tom allegorically.
“Guess who’s in her locket,” said Tom independently.
“Hang the meats in the window,” said Tom indelicately.
“He’s a good umpire,” said Tom superficially.
“He’s a naughty wooden doll,” Tom opined.
“I can only afford tropical fruits,” said Tom parsimoniously.
“I laugh if you touch my feet,” said Tom pedantically.
“I split my pants,” said Tom with some cheek.
“It might be an asteroid,” said Tom noncommittally.
“It’s finally Spring again,” said Tom with relief.
“Leonard must pull us out of the water,” said Tom officiously. (Oh, fish us, Lee)
“Let’s feed the dogs early,” said Tom waggishly.
“Look who’s there in the shadows,” said Tom with delight.
“Maybe I crashed my car,” said Tom indirectly.
“My prune-yard is the best in the world,” said Tom with aplomb.
“Only if you want more kids,” Tom ejaculated.
“Please be careful where you sit,” said Tom tactfully.
“Some day I’ll find a working enema,” said Tom undeterred.
“That rock star stole my act,” said Tom viciously.
“Their whole family went the same place,” said Tom clandestinely.
“They should hang all those guys,” said Tom condescendingly.
“They shred entire cars here,” said Tom with vehemence.
“This lime soda is even better,” said Tom spritefully.
“Way too many pickets,” said Tom indefensibly.
“We could fry chicken all night,” said Tom indefatigably.
“We have the entire set of maps,” said Tom with relief.
“We partied in the Greek Isles,” said Tom indiscreetly.
“Why not walk the dog,” asked Tom with some restraint.
“You could put your eye out with that thing,” said Tom humourlessly.
“Put on some clean clothes,” said Tom disdainfully.
“We were stuck in traffic,” said Tom ruefully.
“I accidentally knelt in the henhouse,” said Tom with some agony.
“This custom jacket doesn’t fit,” said Tom misbespokenly.
“We played records instead of live music,” said Tom disconcertingly.
“Someone took all my pennies,” said Tom nonsensically.
“Now the jigzaw puzzle is complete,” said Tom peacefully.
“Those gloves are like stones,” said Tom heavy-handedly.
“We circled the block,” said Tom forthrightly. Thanks to
Barry Nelson, Jefferson, New Hampshire.
2. “Where’s the Viagra?” Tom asked pointlessly. Thanks to
Sue Moseman, Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Credits & Honourable Mention
- Part 1
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