Hiding Bald

Whatever it takes to keep the toupee on

When Mr. O’Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O’Leary called the undertaker aside for a private talk.

“Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald,” she confided, “and he’d never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. But our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they’re through paying their last respects.”
“Rest assured, Mrs. O’Leary,” comforted the undertaker. “I’ll fix it so that toupee will never come off.”

Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving O’Leary’s ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. O’Leary offered the undertaker an extra hundred dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept your money,” protested the undertaker.
“What’s a few nails?”



QuotaBills
He has Van Gogh's ear for music. - Billy Wilder

Music is the soundtrack of your life. - Dick Clark

Music describes what words can't. - Unknown

Kind words are the music of the world. - F.W. Faber

Without music, life would be a mistake. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Music is a means of rapid transportation. - John Cage

In rock music terms I'm like a dinosaur. - Belinda Carlisle

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

I hate music - especially when it's played. - Jimmy Durante

I like your opera. I think I will set it to music. - Ludwig van Beethoven

Music isn't for the eyes - it's for the ears. - Adele

Life exists for the love of music or beautiful things. - G K Chesterton

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end. - Igor Stravinsky

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. - Elvis Costello

Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable. - Samuel Johnson

After Rossini dies, who will there be to promote his music? - Richard Wagner

Classical music is music written by famous dead foreigners. - Arlene Heath

Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. - W H Auden

People haven't always been there for me, but music always has. - Taylor Swift

Life is a rich strain of music, suggesting a realm too fair to be. - George William Curtis

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. - Unknown

Country music has always been the best shrink that 15 bucks can buy. - Dierks Bentley

You can run out of garlic, but you can't really run out of music. - Jace Wayland

A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd. - Max Lucado

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

I think my music is like anchovies - some people like it, some people get nauseous. - Barry Manilow

Film is one of the three universal languages, the other two: mathematics and music. - Frank Capra

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. - Victor Hugo

It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf. - Walter Lippmann

Music is everybody's possession. It's only publishers who think that people own it. - John Lennon

Great music is as much about the space between the notes as it is about the notes themselves. - Sting

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. - Jack Handey

Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything. - Plato

Melody is the essence of music. I compare a good melodist to a fine racer, and counterpoints to hack post-horses. - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays. - Oscar Wilde

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewellery. - John Lennon

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular? - David Sarnoff

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes


see also   Hairstyle  Section
CATastrophe - How To Lionize Your Cat
Chesthair
Close Shave
Fountain Of Youth
Hair Ad - Just Add Self
Hair Moan Therapy
Hair Strengthener
Haircut For Staff Meetings
Head Path
Horse Hair
Inflatable Toupee
Seinfeld Haircut
Shaved by Grace
Swimming Without Getting Your Hair Wet
Taking Donations For Scissors


 

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16-Oct-2019