Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

Searching for a cure for hyperactivity?


I just wanted to let you know that I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD - Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder...

I decide to do the laundry, start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. OK, I’m going to do the laundry... BUT FIRST I’m going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. OK, I’ll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack....
BUT FIRST.... I’ll look through the pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes. Now where is the checkbook?

Oops! there’s the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I’m going to look for that checkbook...
BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water, I put the glass in the sink and there’s the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What’s it doing here? I’ll just put it away...
BUT FIRST need to water those plants. I head for the door and... Aaaagh! stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed. Okay, I’ll put the remote away and water the plants...
BUT FIRST I need to feed the cat.

END OF DAY: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, checkbook is still lost, and the cat ate the remote control... And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I’m baffled because...I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!
I realize this condition is serious... I’d get help...
BUT FIRST... I think I’ll check my e-mail.


QuotaBills
Anatomy is destiny. - Sigmund Freud

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Laughter is the best medicine. - the Joe-kster

An operation of the most extreme daring. - Alfred Jodl

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service. - Rodney Dangerfield

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic. - Joanna Lumley

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

Obscenity is whatever happens to shock some elderly and ignorant magistrate. - Bertrand Russell

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

Some of these people need ten years of therapy - ten sentences of mine do not equal ten years of therapy. - Oscar Wilde

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler


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19-Jul-2019