Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart
and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does “varicose” mean?
Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”.
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow
towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a
vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand
instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable
cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs,
and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i,
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a
lot of things people forget to put the top on.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have been taken off.
The word “trousers” is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and
plural at the bottom.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.
Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
See if he passed the literaracy test. - Archie Bunker
College is a refuge from hasty judgment. - Robert Frost
Pedestrian: a man whose son is home from college. - Unknown
Marketing isn't magic. There is a science to it. - Dan Zarrella
I've won at every level, except college and pro. - Shaquille O'Neal
A science which hesitates to forget its founders is lost. - Alfred North Whitehead
True science teaches, above all, to doubt and be ignorant. - Miguel de Unamuno
All exact science is dominated by the idea of approximation. - Bertrand Russell
Study history. In history lies all the secrets of statecraft. - Winston Churchill
Example is the school of mankind, and they will learn at no other. - Edmund Burke
To err is human; to try to prevent recurrence of error is science. - Unknown
Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie
There is no such thing as science fiction, there is only science eventuality. - Steven Spielberg
We look harder for flaws in a study when we don't agree with its conclusions. - Sharon Begley
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. - Woody Allen
When I was in high school, I earned the pimple award and every other gross-out award. - Jack Nicholson
I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander
I admit that mathematical science is a good thing. But excessive devotion to it is a bad thing. - Aldous Huxley
Science is angling in the mud - angling for immortality and for anything else that may turn up. - Aldous Huxley
If everybody in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society. - Jaden Smith
If a young person has any idealism at all, it's strongest about the time he finishes college. - Sargent Shriver
It is a fine thing to have ability, but the ability to discover ability in others is the true test. - Elbert Hubbard
The real test of your character is your treatment of those who can be of no possible service to you. - Unknown
The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats. - Jean Kerr
Truth in science can be defined as the working hypothesis best suited to open the way to the next better one. - Konrad Lorenz
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
The chief reason for going to school is to get the impression fixed for life that there is a book side for everything. - Robert Frost
There are advantages to being President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret. - Ronald Reagan
Not every puzzle is intended to be solved. Some are in place to test your limits. Others are, in fact, not puzzles at all. - Vera Nazarian
We study the glory of God, and the honour and liberty of parliament, for which we fight, without seeking our own interests. - Oliver Cromwell
The fundamental concept in social science is Power, in the same sense in which Energy is the fundamental concept in physics. - Bertrand Russell
My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle
Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step; only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find his right road. - Dag Hammarskjold
Science is built of facts the way a house is built of bricks; but an accumulation of facts is no more science than a pile of bricks is a house. - Henri Poincare
I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. - George Carlin
I suppose it is because nearly all children go to school nowadays and have things arranged for them that they seem so forlornly unable to produce their own ideas. - Agatha Christie
Almost everything that distinguishes the modern world from earlier centuries is attributable to science, which achieved its most spectacular triumphs in the seventeenth century. - Bertrand Russell
President Obama smoked so much pot in college he never learned to spell. Which is why he's confusing the word "ruining" the country with "running" the country. - Kilburn Hall
Science is global. Einstein's equation, E=mc2, has to reach everywhere. Science is a beautiful gift to humanity, we should not distort it. Science does not differentiate between multiple races. - A.P.J. Abdul Kalam
College, Quote & School Sections
Anything To Pass The Exam
Apocryphal Metaphors from Student Essays
Inspiring School Exams
Redneck Engineering Exam
Wet T-Shirt Contest Winners
Stuck On High Gear
Bottom Blast Car Wash
Yo Mama Bin Shopping
Helmet Full Of Hair
Air Conditioner Repair
Walking His Fresh Food Pet
Japanese Tea Bath
Pilot Prop Job
Front To Side View
Moses' USB Tablets
Is Laughter The Best Medicine?
Plastered Wall Plasterer