Sheer Surprise

The husband’s last gift


A husband walks into Fredrick’s of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price - the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, “I have an idea. It’s so sheer that I might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself.”

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, “Good Lord! You’d think that for $500, they’d at least iron it!”

He never heard the shot.

Funeral services are pending...


QuotaBills
Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

What is bought is cheaper than a gift. - Portuguese Proverb

Every problem has a gift for you in its hands. - Richard Bach

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

Treasure your relationships, not your possessions. - Anthony J. D'Angelo

The gods bestowed on him the gift of perpetual old age. - Oscar Wilde

Mankind's greatest gift is that we have free choice. - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. - Phyllis Diller

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

Praise is the only gift for which people are really grateful. - Marguerite

The first great gift we can bestow on others is a good example. - Morell

If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm. - Bruce Barton

Do not be afraid; our fate Cannot be taken from us; it is a gift. - Dante Alighieri

I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez

The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle

Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown

There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long. - Unknown

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. - G K Chesterton

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work. - Emile Zola

The great majority of neuroses in women have their origin in the marriage bed. - Sigmund Freud

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

It's great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people. - Pamela Anderson

Polly had a gift for baking pies, and she poured her heart and soul into every one she made. - Sarah Weeks

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks. - Donald Trump

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

Men in general judge more from appearances than from reality. All men have eyes, but few have the gift of penetration. - Niccolo Machiavelli

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships. The quality of your business is no different. - Harvey Mackay

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

The older one gets, the more one feels that the present must be enjoyed; it is a precious gift, comparable to a state of grace. - Marie Curie

It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people. - Axl Rose

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to offer. - Barbara de Angelis


see also   Marriage,  Shopping  &  Stress  Sections
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Everything Men Know About Women
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Real Man’s Point System
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When Men Shop For Groceries
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21-Jul-2019