Office Sarcasm or Rules For My Boss?

Re-learning the challenge of a deadline


To all of my fellow office workers...

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 p.m. and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks were you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lost all use of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell.

12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay such high taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money, anyway.


QuotaBills
Work is much more fun than fun. - Noel Coward

What isn't tried won't work. - Claude McDonald

It is awfully hard work doing nothing. - Oscar Wilde

Never despair, but if you do, work on in despair. - Edmund Burke

The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work. - Harry Golden

Goals by the yard are hard. Goals by the inch a cinch. - Unknown

A work of art which did not begin in emotion is not art. - Paul Cezanne

Get in touch with your passion and put it to work at work. - Marilyn Suttle

Great work is done by people who are not afraid to be great. - Fernando Flores

When you play, play hard; when you work, don't play at all. - Theodore Roosevelt

The only place where success comes before work is a dictionary. - Vidal Sassoon

There is time for work. And time for love. That leaves no other time. - Coco Chanel

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. - Confucius

The best work is not what is most difficult for you; it is what you do best. - Jean-Paul Sartre

Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit. - Aristotle

You need to overcome the tug of people against you as you reach for high goals. - George S Patton

Work hard. Rock hard. Eat hard. Sleep hard. Grow big. Wear glasses if you need 'em. - Webb Wilder

Just as there are no little people or unimportant lives, there is no insignificant work. - Elena Bonner

Work for the Lord. The pay isn't much, but the retirement plan is out of this world. - Unknown

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

A bad review is like baking a cake with all the best ingredients and having someone sit on it. - Danielle Steel

The surest way to establish your credit is to work yourself into the position of not needing any. - Maurice Switzer

Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love, to work, to play and to look up at the stars. - Henry van Dyke

I'm a farm boy. If we need five people to haul in hay, we don't take one and just work them to death. - Lincoln Davis

No matter how talented you are, if you don't persist, the probability of achieving your goals is extremely small. - Camilla Dorand

People who work crossword puzzles know that if they stop making progress, they should put the puzzle down for a while. - Marilyn vos Savant

To know how to grow old is the master work of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living. - Frederic Amiel

If you get up in the morning and you say, 'I got to go to work. How can I get out of this?' you're not happy. - Red Auerbach

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. - Romans 8:28

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work. - George Carlin

The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right. - Mark Twain

The three great essentials to achieve anything worthwhile are first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; and third, common sense. - Thomas Edison

A wise man is cured of ambition by ambition itself; his aim is so exalted that riches, office, fortune and favour cannot satisfy him. - Samuel Johnson

If you are bored with life, if you don't get up every morning with a burning desire to do things – you don't have enough goals. - Lou Holtz

Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year. I have a strict rule: I don't work on Halloween and I won't travel on Halloween. - Simon Sinek

A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation. - Bertrand Russell

No theory is good unless it permits, not rest, but the greatest work. No theory is good except on condition that one use it to go on beyond. - Andre Gide

If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country, I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses. - Donald Trump

The important thing is to strive towards a goal which is not immediately visible. That goal is not the concern of the mind, but of the spirit. - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Ego stops you from getting things done and getting people to work with you. That's why I firmly believe that ego and success are not compatible. - Harvey Mackay


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17-Sep-2019