White House Fence Bid

I love my country - it’s the government I’m afraid of!


Three contractors bid on the White House fence. One is from Chicago, another from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

“Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $9,000. That’s $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $7,000. That’s $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$27,000.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?”

The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan worked.


Four boxes keep us free: the soap box, the ballot box,
the jury box, and the cartridge box.

QuotaBills
All politics is local. - Thomas P O'Neil

A week is a long time in politics. - Harold Wilson

Practical politics consists in ignoring facts. - Henry Brooks Adams

Turn on to politics, or politics will turn on you. - Ralph Nader

If men were angels, no government would be necessary. - James Madison

The art of government is the organization of idolatry. - George Bernard Shaw

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. - James Reston

Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. - Charles de Gaulle

I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together. - Gerald R. Ford

I was a great student at a great school, Wharton School of Finance. - Donald Trump

In politics, madame, you need two things: friends, but above all an enemy. - Brian Mulroney

Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith

I do have a political agenda. It's to have as few regulations as possible. - Dan Quayle

Personally, I'm against political jokes. Too often they get elected to office. - Henny Youngman

Idealism is the noble toga that political gentlemen drape over their will to power. - Aldous Huxley

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. - Robin Williams

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers

He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. - George Bernard Shaw

In Pierre Elliott Trudeau, Canada has at last produced a political leader worthy of assassination. - Irving Layton

Winning depends on where you put your priorities. It's usually best to put them over the fence. - Jason Giambi

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. - Thomas Jefferson

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat

One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government. - Donald Trump

At present, our country needs women's idealism and determination, perhaps more in politics than anywhere else. - Shirley Chisholm

Taxpayer - someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination. - Ronald Reagan

What is politics but persuading the public to vote for this and support that and endure these for the promise of those? - Gilbert Highet

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

I am sometimes a fox and sometimes a lion. The whole secret of government lies in knowing when to be the one or the other. - Napoleon Bonaparte

One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson

It is not in the nature of politics that the best men should be elected. The best men do not want to govern their fellowmen. - George MacDonald

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. - Ambrose Bierce

The workers' and peasants' government proposes to all warring peoples... negotiations leading to a just, democratic peace. - Lenin

Politicians also have no leisure, because they are always aiming at something beyond political life itself, power and glory, or happiness. - Aristotle

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. - Will Rogers

I once said to my father, when I was a boy, 'Dad we need a third political party.' He said to me, 'I'll settle for a second.' - Ralph Nader

Regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind. - Mahatma Gandhi


see also   Government,  Politics  &  Work  Sections
Contractor Bids  (pre 2001)

 

Just Like Clouds

Aussie Batman

Bacon Tie

Bull Squirrel

Late Package Delivery

Cooking For Guys

Chess Sudoku Puzzles B

Deer Hunter Tattoo

Anon-y-moose

Complaint Jar

Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Free Coffee

The First Selfie

Motorcycle Moon

Flat Tire Repair

In Three Pictures

Shofar So Good

Lawyer's Genie-ous Catch

Octopus Pasta

Special Delivery

Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

25-Nov-2017