White House Fence Bid

I love my country - it’s the government I’m afraid of!


Three contractors bid on the White House fence. One is from Chicago, another from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

“Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $9,000. That’s $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $7,000. That’s $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$27,000.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?”

The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan worked.


Four boxes keep us free: the soap box, the ballot box,
the jury box, and the cartridge box.

QuotaBills
All politics is applesauce. - Will Rogers

A week is a long time in politics. - Harold Wilson

Politics makes strange red-fellows. - Will Rogers

Crime does not pay as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

Everybody knows politics is a contact sport. - Barrack Obama

Politics is just show business for ugly people. - Jay Leno

Politics is not a game. It is an earnest business. - Winston Churchill

If men were angels, no government would be necessary. - James Madison

Honor is not the exclusive property of any political party. - Herbert Hoover

We live in a world in which politics has replaced philosophy. - Martin L. Gross

Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. - H L Mencken

A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves. - Bertrand de Jouvenel

I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together. - Gerald R. Ford

Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up. - Robert Frost

The sad duty of politics is to establish justice in a sinful world. - Reinhold Niebuhr

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. - Bob Wells

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. - Henry Kissinger

In politics, madame, you need two things: friends, but above all an enemy. - Brian Mulroney

I do have a political agenda. It's to have as few regulations as possible. - Dan Quayle

Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors. - Jay Leno

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. - Robin Williams

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain

Winning depends on where you put your priorities. It's usually best to put them over the fence. - Jason Giambi

When government accepts responsibility for people, then people no longer take responsibility for themselves. - George Pataki

One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government. - Donald Trump

Idealism is like a castle in the air if it is not based on a solid foundation of social and political realism. - Claude McKay

The hardest thing about any political campaign is how to win without proving that you are unworthy of winning. - Theodor Adorno

At present, our country needs women's idealism and determination, perhaps more in politics than anywhere else. - Shirley Chisholm

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman

One of the reasons people hate politics is that truth is rarely a politician's objective. Election and power are. - Cal Thomas

It's especially hard if the government is not providing services, or is even conducting ethnic cleansing against you. - Paul Harvey

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. - Groucho Marx

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. - Ronald Reagan

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. - Ronald Reagan

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy


see also   Government,  Politics  &  Work  Sections
Contractor Bids  (pre 2001)

 

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18-Jun-2019