Father Load

Father of the Year

A little prevention goes a long way


A man boarded a plane with 6 kids.

After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, “Are all of those kids yours?”

He replied, “No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints.”


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Adults are just obsolete children. - Dr. Seuss

Every child begins the world again. - Henry David Thoreau

A father is a banker provided by nature. - French Proverb

I love children if they're cooked properly. - WC Fields

The worst children are always somebody else's. - Unknown

The man who has a full set of tools has no children. - Unknown

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose. - Steven Wright

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

I look in the mirror through the eyes of the child that was me. - Judy Collins

The important things are children, honesty, integrity and faith. - Andy Williams

No one was ever great without some portion of divine inspiration. - Cicero

As a child, the only clear thought I had was "Get candy." - Jerry Seinfeld

Bricks may make a house, but the laughter of children makes a home. - Irish Proverb

Every child needs a father. Even if he turns out to be Darth Vader. - Jackson Radcliffe

The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - John Wooden

Amateurs wait for inspiration. The rest of us just get up and go to work. - Chuck Close

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

We do not inherit the earth from our parents. We borrow it from our children. - Unknown

Seek the wisdom of the ages, but look at the world through the eyes of a child. - Ron Wild

People always ask me, "Were you funny as a child?" Well, no, I was an accountant. - Ellen DeGeneres

You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's. - Robert Frost

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

Don't worry that your children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. - Robert Fulghum

I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring. - Liz Armbruster

There are only two lasting bequests we can give our children - one is roots, and the other, wings. - Hodding S. Carter

It is an act of love to say, "I believe in you as my child, and you don't need my help." - Peter Buffett

As a child, I was subjected to a lot of spaghetti Westerns and hated them. I wanted the Indians to win. - Kara Walker

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Children aren’t happy without something to ignore,
And that’s what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash

There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, employ someone, or forbid your children to do it. - Mona Crane

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

The only way we can ever teach a child to say "I'm sorry" is for him to hear it from our lips first. - Kevin Leman

Let early education be a sort of amusement; you will then better be able to find out the natural bent of the child. - Plato

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

Play is the highest expression of human development in childhood for it alone is the free expression of what is in a child's soul. - Friedrich Frobel

Everything here is edible; even I'm edible. But that, dear children, is cannibalism, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. - Johnny Depp

There's nothing more contagious than the laughter of young children; it doesn't even have to matter what they're laughing about. - Criss Jami

Chutzpa is that quality enshrined in a man who, having killed his mother and father, throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan. - Leo Rosten


see also   Family  &  Kids  Sections
 

Hogwart's Other Bridge

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Chinese Law School

Do Not Stack

Stairway Chute

Walkway Not

Pirate Vacation

How Not To Prop Start Your Plane

Redneck Spaghetti

Wild Game Nutrition Guide

Alaska Gas

Definition Of A Good Friend

Redneck Car Repair

Self-Propelled Rocket

Pole Clock

Donut Holes

Insect Food Fight
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24-May-2019