Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





QuotaBills
The family is the nucleus of civilization. - William Durant

Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson

I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world. - Bill Watterson

Take it from me, parents just don't understand. - Will Smith

Family is not an important thing - it's everything. - Michael J. Fox

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. - WC Fields

The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights. - J Paul Getty

Do not remove the ancient landmark that your ancestors set up. - Bible

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

Future generations may well ask themselves, what were our parents thinking? - Al Gore

As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett

My parents treated my like I had a brain - which, in turn, caused me to have one. - Diane Lane

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

No man can cause more grief than one clinging blindly to the voices of his ancestors. - William Faulkner

Your family is depending on you. No better reason to bring all your game all the time. - Grant Cardone

To lose one parent may be regarded as misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness. - Oscar Wilde

My parents always told me I could do anything, but never told me how long it would take. - Rita Rudner

There's no road map on how to raise a family: it's always an enormous negotiation. - Meryl Streep

Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown

Everyone has ancestors and it is only a question of going back far enough to find a good one. - Howard K. Nixon

There's a lot of baggage that comes along with our family, but it's Louis Vuitton baggage. - Kim Kardashian

You leave home to seek your fortune and, when you get it, you go home and share it with your family. - Anita Baker

All his successors gone before him have done’t; and all his ancestors that come after him may. - William Shakespeare

The first who was king was a fortunate soldier: Who serves his country well has no need of ancestors. - Voltaire

We are the children of many sires, and every drop of blood in us in its turn ... betrays its ancestor. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Parents should leave books lying around marked "forbidden" if they want their children to read. - Doris Lessing

Any living cell carries within it the experiences of a billion years of experimentation by its ancestors. - Max Delbrook

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. - Phyllis Diller

There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king among his. - Helen Keller

Children aren’t happy without something to ignore,
And that’s what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash

My parents have been visiting me for a few days. I just dropped them off at the airport. They leave tomorrow. - Margaret Smith

I don't think he's gonna come Edith. He just ain't got none of that, waddya call, family unconscious. - Archie Bunker

In 1953 there were two ways for an Irish Catholic boy to impress his parents: become a priest or attend Notre Dame. - Phil Donahue

The practical importance of the preservation of our forests is augmented by their relations to climate, soil and streams. - John Muir

Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with. - Richard B. Sheridan

The longer we live the more we think and the higher the value we put on friendship and tenderness towards parents and friends. - Samuel Johnson

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended - and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended. - Robert Frost

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right path, the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. - Anne Frank

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien


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26-Jun-2019