Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





QuotaBills
My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

A thankful heart is the parent of all virtues. - Cicero

The rich man has more relations than he knows. - French Proverb

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children. - Sam Levenson

The presidency is temporary, but the family is permanent. - Yvonne de Gaulle

Some men by ancestry are only the shadow of a mighty name. - Etheridge Knight

The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights. - J Paul Getty

There is never a problem child; there is only a problem parent. - A.S. Neill

Writing is conscience, scruple, and the farming of our ancestors. - Edward Dahlberg

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important. - Jerry Seinfeld

I think the family was from Hungaria. (talking about Noah's Ark) - Archie Bunker

The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard. - Robin Williams

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio. - Rodney Dangerfield

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

For our immediate family and relatives, Canada was a land of opportunity. - Sidney Altman

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. - George Bernard Shaw

If we stand tall, it's because we stand on the shoulders of many ancestors. - Unknown

My parents treated my like I had a brain - which, in turn, caused me to have one. - Diane Lane

My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers. - Daniel J. Boorstin

It is a desirable thing to be well-descended, but the glory belongs to our ancestors. - Plutarch

The family you came from isn't as important as the family you're going to have. - Ring Lardner

There's no road map on how to raise a family: it's always an enormous negotiation. - Meryl Streep

Everyone has ancestors and it is only a question of going back far enough to find a good one. - Howard K. Nixon

There's a lot of baggage that comes along with our family, but it's Louis Vuitton baggage. - Kim Kardashian

When you start about family, about lineage and ancestry, you are talking about every person on earth. - Alex Haley

We are the children of many sires, and every drop of blood in us in its turn ... betrays its ancestor. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Until you become a parent, you can't begin to discover your capacity for strength, love and fatigue. - Peter Gallagher

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde

There's no environment I can think of that would have remained constant enough to preserve dinosaur DNA. - Hendrik Poinar

Children aren’t happy without something to ignore,
And that’s what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

The practical importance of the preservation of our forests is augmented by their relations to climate, soil and streams. - John Muir

The family, that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor in our innermost hearts never quite wish to. - Dodie Smith

We split from our common ancestor with the octopus half a billion years ago. And yet, you can make friends with an octopus. - Sy Montgomery

How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man finds room in the few square inches of the face for the traits of all his ancestors; for the expression of all his history, and his wants. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I can't help detesting my relations. I suppose it comes from the fact that none of us can stand other people having the same faults as ourselves. - Oscar Wilde

Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die. - Oscar Wilde


see also   Family, Relationship  &  School  Sections
Adaptive Roots
Ancestry Rewind
Babysitting Kids
Chimera Genetics
Family Fun
Family Hands
Family Picture
Family Planning Advice
Family Ties
Family Tree
Get Along Shirt
Hands On Tree
Mom Lookout
Parent Delete
Sister DNA
The Van Gogh Family Tree
Tom Lee Music Franchise Opportunities
Walker Buddies

 

Corn Maze Warning

Lane Closure

Texting For Dummies

Clever Weather Billboard

Tree Huggers

Australian Construction Security

India Road Assistance

Cow Walking

Cultural Exchange

Meowzart

Bonus Baby

Strawberry Heart

Water Skiing in Russia

Plumber's Party

Hand Face

Moon Harvest

Reach For The High-Hanging Fruit

CheckMate

Ship Tow

Redneck Turkey Shoot
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

15-Oct-2019