Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fainted when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in Church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, “Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass, what made ya come?”
Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn comes to Church every Sunday. I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of Church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”
The priest said, “Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn’t steal McGlynn’s hat. What changed your mind?”
Murphy said, “Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat after all.”
The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, “After I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ ya decided you would rather do without the hat than burn in Hell, right?”
Murphy slowly shook his head and said, “No, Father, after ya talked about ’Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’, I remembered where I left me hat.”
No man is an Ireland. - Richard Daley
I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy
I'm just a true Irish boy at heart. - Colin Farrell
To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy
I come from a long line of staunch Irish Catholics. - Robert Vaughn
Our Irish blunders are never blunders of the heart. - Maria Edgeworth
I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know. - Sandra Bullock
Where would the Irish be without someone to be Irish at? - Elizabeth Bowen
Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part. - Irish Blessings
You think the Welsh are friendly, but the Irish are fabulous. - Bonnie Tyler
You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach
The Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Samuel Johnson
We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill
Irish people are educated not only about artistry but local history. - Fiona Shaw
Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty
I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy
The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson
I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader
I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly
I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke
The trouble with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, with absolutely no talent. - Hugh Leonard
Irish boomerang: It doesn't come back, it just sings sad songs about how much it wants to. - Unknown
The dementia patient is not giving you a hard time. The dementia patient is having a hard time. - Kerry Kleinbergen
I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. - Robin Williams
Let's just say, I'm Irish. I grew up in the 1950s. Religion had a very tight iron fist. - Liam Neeson
I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan
The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. - Oliver Herford
"Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift
The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the words to a song - its that they know them all. - Susan Dooley
I was freelancing for years in Cork and around. I also wrote freelance pieces for 'The Irish Times.' - Kevin Barry
I'm a big fan of the Irish accent. After a couple of drinks, I start to get a bit of an Irish lilt, too. - Emily Ratajkowski
As I told Piers Morgan, 'Catholics have confession, whereas Northern Irish Protestants only have interviews.' - James Nesbitt
May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings
I have Dementia
My responses may be slow.
Take your time and wait for me,
It means more than you can know! - Unknown
If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft
For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor
When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan
That's what the holidays are for - for one person to tell the stories and another to dispute them. Isn't that the Irish way? - Lara Flynn Boyle
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy
I'm just a true Irish boy at heart. - Colin Farrell
To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy
I come from a long line of staunch Irish Catholics. - Robert Vaughn
Our Irish blunders are never blunders of the heart. - Maria Edgeworth
I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know. - Sandra Bullock
Where would the Irish be without someone to be Irish at? - Elizabeth Bowen
Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part. - Irish Blessings
You think the Welsh are friendly, but the Irish are fabulous. - Bonnie Tyler
You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach
The Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Samuel Johnson
We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill
Irish people are educated not only about artistry but local history. - Fiona Shaw
Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty
I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy
The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson
I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader
I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly
I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke
The trouble with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, with absolutely no talent. - Hugh Leonard
Irish boomerang: It doesn't come back, it just sings sad songs about how much it wants to. - Unknown
The dementia patient is not giving you a hard time. The dementia patient is having a hard time. - Kerry Kleinbergen
I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. - Robin Williams
Let's just say, I'm Irish. I grew up in the 1950s. Religion had a very tight iron fist. - Liam Neeson
I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan
The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. - Oliver Herford
"Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift
The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the words to a song - its that they know them all. - Susan Dooley
I was freelancing for years in Cork and around. I also wrote freelance pieces for 'The Irish Times.' - Kevin Barry
I'm a big fan of the Irish accent. After a couple of drinks, I start to get a bit of an Irish lilt, too. - Emily Ratajkowski
As I told Piers Morgan, 'Catholics have confession, whereas Northern Irish Protestants only have interviews.' - James Nesbitt
May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings
I have Dementia
My responses may be slow.
Take your time and wait for me,
It means more than you can know! - Unknown
If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft
For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor
When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan
That's what the holidays are for - for one person to tell the stories and another to dispute them. Isn't that the Irish way? - Lara Flynn Boyle
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
see also Nationality & Religious Sections
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Going Green for Ireland
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St. Patrick’s Dog
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19-Feb-2019 |