Rools Four Righters

If yore a groan reader, this is 4U & Jethro


 1.. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
 2.. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
 3.. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
 4.. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
 5.. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat)
 6.. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
 7.. Be more or less specific.
 8.. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
 9.. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10.. No sentence fragments.
11.. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.
12.. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13.. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
14.. One should NEVER generalize.
15.. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
16.. Don’t use no double negatives.
17.. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18.. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19.. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20.. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21.. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22.. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23.. Kill all exclamation points!!!
24.. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25.. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
26.. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27.. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
28.. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole. Not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29.. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30.. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31.. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32.. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33.. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. And finally...
34.. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.


QuotaBills
Fair speech may hide a foul heart. - JRR Tolkien

What's another word for thesaurus? - Steven Wright

Nothing you can't spell will ever work. - Will Rogers

A proverb is to speech what salt is to food. - Arabic Proverb

Discretion in speech is more than eloquence. - Sir Francis Bacon

Rule No. 1 of life. Do what makes YOU happy. - Unknown

Good sayings are like pearls strung together. - Chinese Proverb

Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts. - Charles de Talleyrand

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. - Martin Fraquhar Tupper

All poetry is a reproduction of the tones of actual speech. - Robert Frost

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can. - Will Rogers

We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry

I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way. - Mark Twain

Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy. - Joseph Cambell

Men are governed only by serving them; the rule is without exception. - V. Cousin

Rules are made for people who aren't willing to make up their own. - Chuck Yeager

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane. - Mark Twain

I believe in rules. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them? - Leo Durocher

Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard

I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. - Jane Wagner

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

I got a simple rule about everybody. If you don’t treat me right – shame on you. - Louis Armstrong

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems. - Rene Descartes

Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. - Ingrid Bergman

Canada is founded upon principles that recognize the supremacy of God and the rule of law. - Stockwell Day

As a rule, what is out of sight disturbs men's minds more seriously than what they see. - Julius Caesar

A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language. - Dale Carnegie

The first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization. - Sigmund Freud

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. - George Bernard Shaw

I want flowers, I don't want to text. What does that make me? What kind of dinosaur am I? - Jennifer Garner

I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero. - George Carlin

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

He who learns the rules of wisdom without conforming to them in his life is like a man who plows in his field but does not sow. - Saadi

Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends. - Mary Catherwood

The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity. - Thomas Carlyle

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

As a rule man is a fool,
When it's hot he wants it cool,
When it's cool he wants it hot,
Always wanting what is not. - Unknown

I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell


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23-Sep-2019