Ode to Mothers

Why God made Moms

Insightful view on Mothers by elementary school children


Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s Moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about Dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Whether he made more than $800 per year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your Dad?
1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world and my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because Dad’s such a goofball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.

What’s the difference between Moms and Dad?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, and Dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but Moms have all the real power ‘cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.



Mother's Day greetings from the Joe-kster
I miss you, Mom...

QuotaBills
Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested. - Unknown

Who has a bad wife, his hell begins on earth. - Dutch Proverb

Necessity, who is the mother of our invention. - Plato

Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a Tiger Would. - Unknown

No man should plant more garden than his wife can hoe. - Old Saying

A mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled. - Emily Dickinson

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde

Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation. - Robert A. Heinlein

Life began with waking up and loving my mother's face. - George Eliot

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? - George Carlin

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology. - Ray Romano

Necessity may be the mother of invention, but play is certainly the father. - Roger von Oech

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey

Middle Age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature. - Harold Coffin

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen

You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's. - Robert Frost

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall. A mother's secret hope outlives them all. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx

For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow. - Maya Angelou

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

The rhythm of the footsteps, the sound of whatever is coming down the ladder is driving both me and my mom steadily toward peeing our pants. - Kendare Blake

How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle


see also   Mother’s Day   Section
A Mother’s Day Special
A Mother’s Love
A Woman’s Mind
Looking For Your Wife?
Looking Small
Mother’s Day Gift - Not
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Understanding Women

 

Bear Pinata

Very Fat Burger

Thailand Model Truck - With Air Conditioner

2019 Hooters Owl & Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Roller Coaster Skiing

New Lighting Standard for Apartment Buildings

Carpet Diet

Canadian Fast Food

Manitoba Home Security System

Walk Sign Ending

Stealth Photographer

Cow Licks

Am I Visible?

Security for a Stripped Bike

Japanese Yen for Downside Housing

Zoo Invitation

Pencil Shavings

Hidey Ho, Neighbour!

Ed In Burgh

Safe Working Practices?
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

19-Jan-2019