Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.
Car has spent more time on “60 Minutes” than on the road.
Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
Hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.
“Jaws of Life” in trunk.
Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
Motor Trend never mentioned a “Chevrolet Caca.”
Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
Passenger-side “airbag” is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.
Ralph Nader’s home phone number written on dashboard.
Telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.
Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist
When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks “Where do you want to go today?”
You realize too late that it *is* your father’s Oldsmobile.
Lemon merinj pie - Archie Bunker
Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson
When fate hands you a lemon, make lemonade. - Dale Carnegie
The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. - John F Kennedy
Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck
You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass
Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg
The most sudden and visible good effects were from oranges and lemons. - James Lind
Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. - Dan Rather
A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont
You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha
The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker
Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman
When life hands you a lemon, say, "Oh year, I like lemons, what else ya got?" - Henry Rollins
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright
A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries
The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker
If life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. - Unknown
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright
Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by traffic from both sides. - Margaret Thatcher
If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler
I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson
I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby
There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen
Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright
I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare
Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright
We will get everything out of her that you can squeeze out of a lemon and a bit more. I will squeeze her until you can hear the pips squeak. - Eric Geddes
A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright
Blonde’s 710 Cover
Amish Prom Limo
Filling The Water Truck
Firm Car Inspection
Follow The Leader
Found The Apple Maps Car
GM’s Scratch and Dent Sale
Half Price Car
How To Conserve Gas
How To Identify Where A Driver Is From
India Road Assistance
Just Like Grandpa
Mexican Repair Shop
Model T Ford Repair Costs in 1928
One Horsepower Car
One Way Repairs
Painting The Center Line
Pickup For Sale - Come Get It Quick!
Portable Auto Body Shop
Redneck Car Repair
Redneck Carriage Car
Redneck Power Windows
Redneck Solution for High Gas Prices
Romanian Auto Safety
Russian Windshield Wiper`
See Through Van
Souped Up Car
Sunday Drive in the Country
The “New” Economy
Topless in Sechelt
Truck Lift Repair
“Turn Me Over” “Pickup”
Uplifting Antique Car
UPS and DOWNS
Workshop Labour Rates
World’s First Horse Power Vehicle
Young Mechanic Apprentice
Redneck Tank Top
Bacon Beer Mug
Daddy, Can I Ride It?
Daily Trivia I
Post-it Succession Planning
Vacuum Cleaning Skills
Stay Off The Grass
Best Tea Cup
An Evening Prayer
Stealing A Bass
Beware Of Sign
Two Meals In One
Ford Door Lock
Found The Jackpot
2fer Sudoku Puzzles C