Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.
Car has spent more time on “60 Minutes” than on the road.
Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
Hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.
“Jaws of Life” in trunk.
Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
Motor Trend never mentioned a “Chevrolet Caca.”
Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
Passenger-side “airbag” is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.
Ralph Nader’s home phone number written on dashboard.
Telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.
Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist
When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks “Where do you want to go today?”
You realize too late that it *is* your father’s Oldsmobile.
Life is too short for traffic. - Dan Bellack
Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson
When fate hands you a lemon, make lemonade. - Dale Carnegie
There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. - Zig Ziglar
Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck
The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic's terrible. - Jeff Taylor
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass
The shortest distance between two points is usually under repair. - Unknown
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. - Ron White
Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg
The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore
To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner
Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. - Dan Rather
If life gives you a bowl of lemons, go find an annoying guy with paper cuts. - Unknown
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy
I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best
You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha
The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker
Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown
Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman
When life hands you a lemon, say, "Oh year, I like lemons, what else ya got?" - Henry Rollins
It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown
The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright
The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker
If life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. - Unknown
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright
Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by traffic from both sides. - Margaret Thatcher
I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby
There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino
When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright
The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly
I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt
My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz
Blonde’s 710 Cover
Amish Prom Limo
Filling The Water Truck
Firm Car Inspection
Follow The Leader
Found The Apple Maps Car
GM’s Scratch and Dent Sale
Half Price Car
How To Conserve Gas
How To Identify Where A Driver Is From
India Road Assistance
Just Like Grandpa
Mexican Repair Shop
Model T Ford Repair Costs in 1928
One Horsepower Car
One Way Repairs
Painting The Center Line
Pickup For Sale - Come Get It Quick!
Portable Auto Body Shop
Redneck Car Repair
Redneck Carriage Car
Redneck Power Windows
Redneck Solution for High Gas Prices
Romanian Auto Safety
Russian Windshield Wiper`
See Through Van
Souped Up Car
Sunday Drive in the Country
The “New” Economy
Topless in Sechelt
Truck Lift Repair
“Turn Me Over” “Pickup”
Uplifting Antique Car
UPS and DOWNS
Workshop Labour Rates
World’s First Horse Power Vehicle
Young Mechanic Apprentice
Mega Samurai Puzzles B
Hold On Tight
New Driver Training
Bronx School Bus
Lead Sled Dog
1954 Prom Queen
'Do Not Read' Sign