Signs Your Car Might Be A Lemon

How to tell if your car is a lemon


Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.

Car has spent more time on “60 Minutes” than on the road.

Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.

Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.

Hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.

“Jaws of Life” in trunk.

Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.

Motor Trend never mentioned a “Chevrolet Caca.”

Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.

Passenger-side “airbag” is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.

Ralph Nader’s home phone number written on dashboard.

Telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.

Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.

Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist

When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks “Where do you want to go today?”

You realize too late that it *is* your father’s Oldsmobile.




QuotaBills
Life is too short for traffic. - Dan Bellack

There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. - Zig Ziglar

When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. - John F Kennedy

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic's terrible. - Jeff Taylor

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

The most sudden and visible good effects were from oranges and lemons. - James Lind

If life gives you a bowl of lemons, go find an annoying guy with paper cuts. - Unknown

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. - Unknown

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

You know what's got the world in the shape today? Buddah, the Pope, Marx and Lemons. - Archie Bunker

It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

If life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. - Unknown

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by traffic from both sides. - Margaret Thatcher

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

We will get everything out of her that you can squeeze out of a lemon and a bit more. I will squeeze her until you can hear the pips squeak. - Eric Geddes

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz


see also   Car  Section
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Amish Prom Limo
Car-nage
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Dent Stop
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Filling The Water Truck
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GM’s Scratch and Dent Sale
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How To Conserve Gas
How To Identify Where A Driver Is From
India Road Assistance
Just Like Grandpa
Mexican Repair Shop
Model T Ford Repair Costs in 1928
Move Over
New Mechanic
One Horsepower Car
One Way Repairs
Painting The Center Line
Pickup For Sale - Come Get It Quick!
Portable Auto Body Shop
Redneck Cadillac
Redneck Car Repair
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Redneck Power Windows
Redneck Solution for High Gas Prices
Romanian Auto Safety
Russian Windshield Wiper`
Seatbelt Extender
See Through Van
Shimmy Car-nage
Sidecar
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Souped Up Car
Sunday Drive in the Country
The “New” Economy
Topless in Sechelt
Totaled Toyota
Tractor Car
Truck Lift Repair
“Turn Me Over” “Pickup”
Uplifting Antique Car
UPS and DOWNS
Vintage Campers
Workshop Labour Rates
World’s First Horse Power Vehicle
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22-Oct-2018