Looking For Your Wife?

Finding your spouse while she’s shopping


Two guys are moving about in a grocery store when their carts collide. One says to the other, “Excuse me, but I’m looking for my wife.”

“What a coincidence - so am I, and I’m getting a little desperate.”

“Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?”

“She’s tall, with dark hair, long legs, firm boobs, and a tight butt. What’s your wife look like?”

“Never mind, let’s look for yours!”


QuotaBills
Candlestine romance - Archie Bunker

Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde

A woman is attractive when she is somebody else's wife. - African Proverb

I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

Behind every successful man is a woman.
Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle

My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. - G K Chesterton

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Want to improve your relationships? See love as a verb rather than as a feeling. - Stephen R. Covey

A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck

Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx

As a man in a relationship, you have a simple choice: You can be right or you can be happy. - Ralphie May

It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx

Remember that your best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. - Unknown

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

A man with a career can have no time to waste upon his wife and friends; he has to devote it wholly to his enemies. - John Hobbes

Relationships are about give and take; not tit-for-tat. If you're keeping score, you'll lose at your own game. - Faydra D. Fields

My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow

The greatest mistake we humans make in our relationships: we listen half, understand quarter, think zero, and react double. - Unknown

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle

Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf


see also   Marriage  Section
A Woman’s Mind
Amish Elevator View
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
“Female Speak” Translation
Flower Shop For Men
Hormone Guide
iGifts
Looking Small
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

Race Break

Mirror Fence

Look Both Ways

No-iPhone Kids

Dog Haircut

Loose Lips Sink Ships

Donkey Refill

Self Portrait for Squirrels

Coin Stacking

Hooking Penalty

Zebra Bus Stop

Best Friend Theft

Chewie, We're Home

Police Rides

Bird Smoker

Hot Mexican Deals

Coffin Escape

African Airlines

Who Let The Dogs Out?

Autographed Copy
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

20-Oct-2019