Looking For Your Wife?

Finding your spouse while she’s shopping


Two guys are moving about in a grocery store when their carts collide. One says to the other, “Excuse me, but I’m looking for my wife.”

“What a coincidence - so am I, and I’m getting a little desperate.”

“Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?”

“She’s tall, with dark hair, long legs, firm boobs, and a tight butt. What’s your wife look like?”

“Never mind, let’s look for yours!”


QuotaBills
My wife gives good headache. - Rodney Dangerfield

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

Treasure your relationships, not your possessions. - Anthony J. D'Angelo

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson

I'm having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife. - Ella Grasso

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

I believe in love and marriage, but not necessarily with the same person. - John Travolta

Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once or twice. - Eva Gabor

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter

Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

As a man in a relationship, you have a simple choice: You can be right or you can be happy. - Ralphie May

In Las Vegas, a man said to his wife, "Give me the money I told you not to give me." - Henny Youngman

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. - Zig Ziglar

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle


see also   Marriage  Section
A Woman’s Mind
Amish Elevator View
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
“Female Speak” Translation
Flower Shop For Men
Hormone Guide
iGifts
Looking Small
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

Fear Of Light

Maiden Rock Illusion

Why Men Shouldn't Babysit

Noodle Art

Windows Scoreboard

Mummy Dogs

Swimming Without Getting Your Hair Wet

Media Bondage

Redneck ATV

Duct Tape - for a Prettier World

Don't Get Your Head In A Knot

Cornfield Fishing

Dawn Gone

Highest Human Position In The World

Together Since

You Never Call

CLUMSY Driver

Water Short

Post Research

Motorcycle Taxi
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21-Aug-2019