Cheating Canadian Politician
How To Win An Election

The Prime Ministerial election in Canada was too close to call. Neither the Liberal candidate (Paul Martin) nor the Conservative candidate (Stephen Harper) had enough votes to win the election. After much talk about health care and gun registration boondoggles, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Harper returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Martin returns and has zero fish. Everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day and hopefully he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Harper comes in with 20 fish and Martin comes in again with none. That evening, Martin’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Martin and says, “I think Harper is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Harper comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Martin, “Well, what about it - is Harper cheating?”

“He sure is,” Martin replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
I got bigger fish to fly - Archie Bunker

All men are equal before fish. - Herbert Hoover

Politics is the art of the possible. - Otto von Bismarck

There are plenty more fish in the sea. - English Proverb

You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish. - Jerry Seinfeld

Man is not free unless government is limited. - Ronald Reagan

Practical politics consists in ignoring facts. - Henry Brooks Adams

Turn on to politics, or politics will turn on you. - Ralph Nader

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for. - WC Fields

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem

If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal. - Emma Goldman

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. - James Reston

It's a terrible shame that politics has become show business. - Sydney Pollack

Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed. - Mao Zedong

Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty

I can remember way back when a liberal was generous with his own money. - Will Rogers

What you need is somebody new - there's more than 1 fish in the woodpile. - Archie Bunker

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

Ideas are great arrows, but there has to be a bow. And politics is the bow of idealism. - Bill Moyers

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen

My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. - James Bovard

The single most exciting thing you encounter in government is competence, because it's so rare. - Daniel P Moynihan

Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward. - Franklin D Roosevelt

It is our art that has an opportunity to leave a footprint in the sand. They don't wrap fish in our work. - Hugh N Jacobsen

Luck affects everything; let your hook always be cast. In the stream where you least expect it, there will be fish. - Ovid

Competition can damage self-esteem, create anxiety, and lead to cheating and hurt feelings. But so can romantic love. - Mariah Burton Nelson

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

It is not in the nature of politics that the best men should be elected. The best men do not want to govern their fellowmen. - George MacDonald

The punishment which the wise suffer who refuse to take part in the government, is to live under the government of worse men. - Plato

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. - Albert Einstein

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2004)
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2016)

 

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14-Oct-2019