Stabity Stab Stab
Fighting a losing cause with whatever you’ve got

A young soldier, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn’t have a rifle.
“That’s no problem, son,” said the sergeant. “Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go ‘Bangety Bang Bang’.”
“But what about a bayonet, Sarge?” asked the young (and gullible) recruit.
The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. “Here, use this... just go, ‘Stabity Stab Stab’.”

The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him.
The recruit points the broom. “Bangety Bang Bang!” The German falls dead. More Germans appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes “Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!” He mows down the enemy by the dozens.
Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one German soldier walking slowly toward him. “Bangety Bang Bang!” shouts the recruit.
The German keeps coming.
“Bangety Bang Bang!” repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. “Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!”

It’s no use. The German keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, and says...
“Tankety Tank Tank.”


What happens when both sides have no weapons...

QuotaBills
Salivation Army - Archie Bunker

Leave the gun, take the cannoli. - The Godfather

Love is a kind of military service. - Ovid

War hath no fury like a non-combatant. - C.E. Montague

A gun gives you the body, not the bird. - Henry David Thoreau

Hockey is figure skating in a war zone. - Unknown

In war, there are no unwounded soldiers. - Jose Narosky

Don't win a battle and lose the war. - Unknown

Only the winners decide what were war crimes. - Gary Wills

He everywhere sought excuses for stirring up war. - Livy

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. - Groucho Marx

When the rich make war it's the poor that die. - Jean-Paul Sartre

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - R Buckminster Fuller

Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come. - Carl Sandburg

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. - H L Mencken

War is only a cowardly escape from the problems of peace. - Thomas Mann

The military don't start wars. Politicians start wars. - William Westmoreland

The true champion loses many battles before winning the war. - Unknown

Where some states have an army, the Prussian army has a state. - Voltaire

World War II was the last government program that really worked. - George Will

Those who love peace must learn to organize as well as those who love war. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man. - Rabindranath Tagore

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

An army of sheep led by a lion would defeat an army of lions led by a sheep. - Arab Proverb

When I take a gun in hand, the safest place for a pheasant is just opposite the muzzle. - Sydney Smith

An army of deer led by a lion is more to be feared than an army of lions led by a deer. - Philip II

If it weren't for the Japanese and Germans, we wouldn't have any good war movies. - Stanley Ross

Statistics have shown that mortality increases perceptibly in the military during wartime. - Alphonse Allais

'Jihad' can mean holy war to extremists, but it means struggle to the average Muslim. - Feisal Abdul Rauf

It used to be that when all else failed, a guy went into the army; now he becomes a consultant. - Blackie Sherrod

Moses was the greatest legislator and the commander in chief of perhaps the first liberation army. - Elie Wiesel

I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep. I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion. - Alexander the Great

During World War II children were not allowed to trick or treat because there was a sugar shortage. - Linda Bozzo

I must study politics and war that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. - John Adams

I took a speed reading course and read "War and Peace" in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. - Woody Allen

Solitude scares me. It makes me think about love, death, and war. I need distraction from anxious, black thoughts. - Brigitte Bardot

Only think of two things - the gun and the tape. When you hear the one, just run like hell until you break the other. - Sam Mussabini

Let me put it this way. Canada is not so much a country as a holding tank filled with the disgruntled progeny of defeated peoples. - Mordecai Richler

Once we have a war there is only one thing to do. It must be won. For defeat brings worse things than any that can ever happen in war. - Ernest Hemingway

Today is yesterday's victory, yesterday is tomorrow's conquest, and tomorrow is today's war. Though I face death, I am not fearsome. - Nad├Ęge Richards


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15-Oct-2018