Redneck Engineering Exam

Cheat Sheet from a smart Redneck college student


1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A) ’66 Ford Fairlane B) ’69 Chevrolet Chevelle C) ’64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tallboys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man’s land?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain?
* For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

9. A coal mine operates an NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?

11. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer?

How Rednecks succeed at College

QuotaBills
The engineering is secondary to the vision. - Cynthia Ozick

Most every dental school has discount dental services. - Matthew Lesko

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. - Mark Twain

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

Study in the course of your life to do the greatest amount of good. - John McDonough

Your best self shows up only when you are put to an impossible test. - Unknown

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal. - Sigfried Hulzer

Test yourself with the impossible, and you will know your capability. - Unknown

I don't want to send them to jail. I want to send them to school. - Adlai Stevenson

A pretty good test of a man's religion is how it affects his pocketbook. - Francis James Grimke

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Descartes commanded the future from his study more than Napoleon from the throne. - Oliver Holmes

I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence

I don't love studying. I hate studying. I like learning. Learning is beautiful. - Natalie Portman

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first and the lesson after. - Vernon Law

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. - Marty Allen

Scientists discover the world that exists; engineers create the world that never was. - Theodore von Karman

The searching-out and thorough investigation of truth ought to be the primary study of man. - Cicero

The test and the use of man's education is that he finds pleasure in the exercise of his mind. - Jacques Martin Barzun

The real test of your character is your treatment of those who can be of no possible service to you. - Unknown

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

One has to look out for engineers - they begin with sewing machines and end up with the atomic bomb. - Marcel Pagnol

You learn how to be book smart in school, but you better not forget that you also need to be street smart. - Harvey Mackay

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years. - George Burns

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. - Mark Twain

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

I played basketball in high school, and I love watching sports - I'll watch everything except maybe hockey. - Andy Roddick

The Swedish engineer who invented the zip fastener made a greater intellectual leap than many scientists do in a lifetime. - Martin Rees

NASA scientists have been studying giraffe skin so they can apply what they learn from it to the construction of spacesuits. - Joanna Lumley

I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today. - George Foreman

This, then, is the test we must set for ourselves; not to march alone but to march in such a way that others will wish to join us. - Hubert H. Humphrey

That is the exploration that awaits you! Not mapping stars and studying nebula, but charting the unknown possibilities of existence. - Leonard Nimoy

Study while others are sleeping; work while others are loafing; prepare while others are playing; and dream while others are wishing. - William Arthur Ward

I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen

Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do. - Pele

The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much, it is whether we provide enough for those who have little. - Franklin D Roosevelt

Blind faith, no matter how passionately expressed, will not suffice. Science for its part will test relentlessly every assumption about the human condition. - E.O. Wilson

I suppose it is because nearly all children go to school nowadays and have things arranged for them that they seem so forlornly unable to produce their own ideas. - Agatha Christie

I'm a really smart guy. I was a really good student at the best school in the country. The reason I have a little doubt, just a little, is because he grew up and nobody knew him. - Donald Trump

President Obama smoked so much pot in college he never learned to spell. Which is why he's confusing the word "ruining" the country with "running" the country. - Kilburn Hall


see also   College,  Engineering  &  Redneck  Sections
Anything To Pass The Exam
Apocryphal Metaphors from Student Essays
Children’s Quotes
Children’s Science Exam Answers
Daffynitions
Hangman Math
Inspiring School Exams
Nitrate

 

Topless Kate Middleton

Skype Hype

Almost Batman

Cadillac Bike

Donut Decadence

Manmade Beach in Japan

Bacon Bikes

Animal Taxi

Lego Key Holder

Mechanic Apprentice

Redneck Helicopter

Hairy Egg

Fork Door Handle

Making Hockey More Popular

Suitcase WorkPlace

One-Knight Stands

Stealth Cell Phone Tower

Holes of the World

Sunken Bed

Australian Wildfire Survivor
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

21-May-2019