Bible Guinessis - Old & New Testament by Kids
Porcupine Monotony of the Finkelsteins @ Mount Cyanide

[Here are Catholic elementary school kids’ answers from a test on the Old and New Testaments.  Imagine yourself as being the Nun sitting at her desk grading these papers while trying to keep a straight face…]

1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan Of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.

3. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

7. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.

9. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

10. The Seventh Commandment is Thou Shalt Not Admit Adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the Blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 Decibels.

22. The Epistels were the wives of the Apostles.

23. One of the Opposums was St. Matthew who was also a Taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached Holy Acrimony which is another name for marriage.

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called Monotony.

26. Salome danced in seven veils in front of King Herrod.

27. Saint John was beheaded and served on a platter because his lawyer never got a criminal justice degree online.


see also   Religious  Section

Latest Quad (Hyper) Sudoku Puzzle: #14689
Quad (Hyper) Sudoku
How bubble gum extends the usefulness of ordinary shoes
High Heel Gum Shoes
Designer fashion shoes - from courtyard to Redneckarian
Hi Heel Running Shoes
Hans Wagner struggles to hold up a German Giant rabbit
Happy Easter, Big Guy
Unique animal that emits high-pitched noise
Bieber Whale
Useful corner gas stations air supply
How Babies Are Made In Canada
Deja Flu - protection against the return of H1N1
H1N1 Flu Mask
U.S. court case sets new Atheist Holiday
Atheist Holiday
Annual spaghetti harvest
Swiss Spaghetti Harvest
Chastity belt for podiatrists
Meccano Shoe
Jethro's other house is a fishing boat
Mobile Swamp Home
LeRoy uses a secret code to access his bank account
Six Hunnit
Latest sujoCube 6D Puzzle: #14687
sujoCube 6D Sudoku
How Bubba's wife  winds up her balls of yarn
Dear Deer Yarn
iPhone app plays on your iPhone case
Best iPhone Case
Celebrating Ella West's 1st Birthday!
Hippy Birthday
Very bunny cat!
Purrrfect Disguise
Submissions by Peter ClarkeFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

Voted #1 Humor Site

01-Apr-2015

QR Code

G'Oldies

Lehman Brothers Protest
Litter of DalCations
Happy vOWLentine's Day
Boneless Chicken
Picture Perfect
QR Code Quilt
Naked Fireman Calendar
TGIF Lottery Calendar
Church Moments
Colonoscopy Comments
Laundry Kitten
Harley Bus
Personal Pool
Additions to the Period ...
Backpack or Goat Pack?
Highwire Shark
Da End Iss Near
Fresh Air Mask
Stealth Readers
Ex-Russian Hockey Coach
'Beer On Tap' Bike
Dog Walking For a Healt ...
Simon's Gas
Pasha Bulker Beaching
Cheap Gift
Finally Got The Sink Fi ...
Mouth Golf - Drive of t ...
Boar-ing Nature Tours
Tennis Hammock
Watermelon Treat
In The Heart Of The Mou ...
Moosedemeanor
Good Morning Babushka
Niger River Crocodile
High Heel Gum Shoes
Dead End Road
JackPot
Smallest Petrol Engine
Texas Outhouse Art
McAustralia
Cure For A Snoring Fish ...
Make Womb For Baby
Signs for the Modern Wo ...
Redneck's Flight Refund
Police Dogs in Alabama
Pipe Dreams by Exhausti ...
Sick Tombstone
Church Wedgie
Book Collector's Search ...
Planking
Halloween Warning
Avid Bowlers
Romance Lost
People Who Can't Dance
Spiral Playground
Library's No-Return Pol ...
Flower Dress
Redneck Dog Carrier
Put On A Happy Face
Fish Hawg
Bad Hair Day
Indian Tee Pee
Mirror Lake
Atheist Holiday
Canadian Car, eh
Future Therapy
Hiking Directions
Kitchen Medicine Cabine ...
4th Marriage
Advertisement Potpourri
Lizard Hairstyle
Redneck Cook
World's First Wireless ...
Life's Reflections
Prayer Conditioning
Government Snow Plow