joe-ks.com

Bible Guinessis - Old & New Testament by Kids
Porcupine Monotony of the Finkelsteins @ Mount Cyanide

[Here are Catholic elementary school kids’ answers from a test on the Old and New Testaments.  Imagine yourself as being the Nun sitting at her desk grading these papers while trying to keep a straight face…]

1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan Of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.

3. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

7. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.

9. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

10. The Seventh Commandment is Thou Shalt Not Admit Adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the Blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 Decibels.

22. The Epistels were the wives of the Apostles.

23. One of the Opposums was St. Matthew who was also a Taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached Holy Acrimony which is another name for marriage.

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called Monotony.

26. Salome danced in seven veils in front of King Herrod.

27. Saint John was beheaded and served on a platter because his lawyer never got a criminal justice degree online.


see also   Religious  Section

Home schooling for a barn owl
Owl and Owlette
'How much deeper do I go until the boat floats?'
Redneck Boat Ramp
Hunting, Texas Style:  where vehicles are bigger than the game!
Texas Hunting Vehicle
Famous last words
Lost Inheritance
Puzzling floor system
Escher Floor
When your home reno takes a tile for the worse
Tile House
Unique parking spaces in Europe
Shopping Cart Car
Wet look in new bedding supplies
Real Waterbed
Blending in with the romp
This Dog Otter Know Better
Truck non-safety - how NOT to work on your pickup
Mexican Repair Shop
Looking for a different nickname
Chief Onestone
Superstitious black cats' house call before Christmas
Halloween Tree
Messages for the hereafter
Mexico Gravestones
Start your day off with an emoticon breakfast
Happy Face Pancakes
Latest Word Search Puzzle: Retro Cross #35
Word Search Puzzles
Ship does its best to annul environment protection
Environmental Protection on the High Seas
Spinning female webs this Halloween
Spider Brows-her
Submissions by Peter ClarkeFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

Voted #1 Humor Site

24-Oct-2014

QR Code

G'Oldies

Unlikely Friends
Advertisement Potpourri
Angry Mathematician
Redneck Swimming Pools
Hot Dogs
Bubba's New Truck
Patience and Wisdom
Why iPad Won't Replace ...
Up-Lifting Experience
Which Way Bike
Dent Wizard
Let Me In - I'm Hungry
Bad Luck Kayaker - This ...
Don't Think About Sendi ...
Anger Management Suppos ...
Redneck Fishing
Fencing Down Under
Redneck Lawn Mower
Bulge That All Women Lo ...
Fare Dodger
Can You Take It With Yo ...
'Twas The Night Before ...
Country Wisdom
Can You Find the Hidden ...
Chinese Cooking
Hot Dog or Warm Dog?
Country Wisdom
Trail Closed
Cat Stroke
THIRTEEN
Losing It On The Farm
Only In Thailand - Time ...
James Bond's Telepathic ...
Canucks 2008 Team Photo
Blues Brothers Pancakes
Doughnut Monster Truck
Organ Transplant
Bird Flu Flight
Horse Follower
Lipstick Laptop
Reaching Out Too Far
Bubble Car
Ice Hand
Compact Car for Women
All Over It
Jet Fuel Drink
Russian Bar Trio
Designer Dog
Fortune Cookies - In Be ...
Abbo Monopoly
Roller Coaster Skiing
Extra Seats
Viagra Ingredients
Insults With Class
Cop Chase
The Art of Cropping
Attending To Business
Pun-Dumb-Oh-nium
Celebrate Womanhood!
Failed Logistics Exam
'One Brick Short' Runwa ...
Caddy Quotes
Doctor Types
How To End Unemployment
Oklahoma's New Posted S ...
Prayer Conditioning
Moroff Manager
Serious Pipe Smoker
Charlottetown Fire Truc ...
Bird Flu Symptoms
Mobile Home
Cop Cry - Sidelined Mot ...
Beware of Pouncing Dog
Sweet Dreams
Ant Strength