Bible Guinessis - Old & New Testament by Kids
Porcupine Monotony of the Finkelsteins @ Mount Cyanide

[Here are Catholic elementary school kids’ answers from a test on the Old and New Testaments.  Imagine yourself as being the Nun sitting at her desk grading these papers while trying to keep a straight face…]

1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan Of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.

3. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

7. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.

9. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

10. The Seventh Commandment is Thou Shalt Not Admit Adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the Blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 Decibels.

22. The Epistels were the wives of the Apostles.

23. One of the Opposums was St. Matthew who was also a Taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached Holy Acrimony which is another name for marriage.

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called Monotony.

26. Salome danced in seven veils in front of King Herrod.

27. Saint John was beheaded and served on a platter because his lawyer never got a criminal justice degree online.

see also   Religious  Section

How to best introduce new legislation
Ancient Greek Law
Sampler and Analyzer with split spit screen
Do friends at work help your morale?
Friendship Prayer
or 'How To Make A Blonde Pirate Patch'
How To Become A Pirate
How not to cook a pizza
Pizza Melt
Standing out among scooter safeguards
Hair Helmet
Recipe ideas from Indonesia
Thai Cooking
Zipper up on your next moose hunt
Call Of The Wild
Deep discounts for backhoe operators
Halloween Special
Moving towards stealthy flatulence
Fart Facts
Spooktacular makeup for a ghoulfriend
Halloween Eye Shadow
Genealogy search starts at home
Family Tree
Halloween costumes that need to go on a diet
Mutant Ninja Halloween Costume
Follicle-challenged toque gets head-e reviews
Brain Warmer
Choose your own destiny
Drink And Drive Directions
For those on the go who gotta go
Traveler Toilet
Owl be seeing you!
Moonlight Owls
Submissions by Peter ClarkeFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

Voted #1 Humor Site


QR Code


Hand Painting Par Excel ...
Texas Diet
Attentive Student
Afghan Delays
How Not To Park Your Ca ...
Why You Shouldn't Let Y ...
Watered Down Illusion
Holes of the World
Jogger's Weight Scale
Street Gangs In Canada
Beard and Moustache Cha ...
What Bird?
Where White Man Went Wr ...
Forgotten Easter Eggs
British Letter of Compl ...
Peeping Tom
Personal Pool
Razor Blade Swallower
Beach Trick - Head's Up
Hiding Horse
Redneck Grills
Prison Escapee's Not-Qu ...
Portuguese Airport Runw ...
Good Old Days Security
Ant Attack
Cheap Jeep
Bird Plane
Only In Texas
Lucky Moose
Abbey Road
Redneck Bull-Only Carri ...
Chimp Weightlifter
You Might Live in Saska ...
Redneck Artist
New Years Resolutions Y ...
'For The Dog' Bowl
Pregnant Ref
Indian Tee Pee
Jet-Powered Barbecue
Grounded Telephone Dog
Official Resignation As ...
Amish Airlines - Maiden ...
Exactly How I Feel
You Want Change?
Doctor's OR Specialty
Who Needs a Guard Dog?
Redneck Garden
Blonde's Year In Review
China Assignment
Invisible Homeless Man
Homeland Security Bill
Bad Luck Kayaker - This ...
Cats and Backpacks
Da End Iss Near
New Company Policy
Frilly VW Bug
Pillsbury Doughboy Dead ...
Chinese New Year Greeti ...
Chunnel Stress
Monkey Business
Five Stages of a Female ...
Artistic COPs
Panda Bear Summer
Hands Free Cell Phone
Male Cat
Geeks On Display
Hamburger a la Sign - O ...
Soccer Ball Building
Only In Thailand - Time ...
British Survey
Heineken Meets Star War ...