A little dirt never hurt anyone, just wipe it off.
Act your age.
Always say please and thank you - that way, you get more.
Am I talking to a brick wall?
As long as you live under my roof, you’ll live by my rules.
Big boys don’t cry.
C’mon, you throw like a girl.
Coffee will stunt your growth.
Could those sleeves be any longer?
Didn’t your teacher learn you anything?
Do what I say, not what I do.
Do you think I’m made of money?
Don’t ask me, ask your mother.
Don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.
Don’t give me any of your lip, young lady.
Don’t make me stop the car!
Don’t tell on anybody unless you tell on yourself first.
Don’t use that tone with me!
Don’t worry. It’s only blood.
Don’t you know any normal boys?
Enough is enough!
Get your elbows off the table.
Hey, did you hear me talking to you?
“Hey” is for horses.
I didn’t feel a thing.
I don’t care what other people are doing - I’m not everybody else’s father!
I feel for you, but I can’t reach you from here.
I got my tongue wrapped around my eye-tooth and couldn’t see what I was saying.
I told you, keep your eye on the ball.
If I catch you doing that one more time, I’ll...
If I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.
If you’re gonna be dumb, you’ve gotta be tough.
If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times.
If you forget, you’ll be grounded till the end of the world.
I’ll play catch after I read the paper.
I’ll tell you why. Because I said so. That’s why.
I’m not just talking to hear my own voice!
I’m not sleeping, I was watching that channel.
I’m not watching television. I’m resting my eyes.
It’s hard to be good, and easy to be bad.
Just wait on the corner and another one will come along.
Men are like buses.
No, we’re not there yet.
Now you listen to ME, Buster!
Shake it off. It’s only pain.
Sit up straight!
So you think you’re smart, do you?
This is your last warning.
This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.
Turn off those lights.
Two wrongs do not make a right.
We’re not lost. I’m just not sure where we are.
Were you raised in a barn? Close the door.
What did I just get finished telling you?
What do you think I am, a bank?
What keeps those jeans of yours from falling off?
What part of NO don’t you understand?
What will other parents think?
What’s so funny?
When I was your age , I treated MY father with respect.
Who said life was supposed to be fair?
Wipe that smile off your face.
Wipe your feet!
Worrying about things you can’t change is like a rocking chair - it gives you
something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.
You call that a haircut?
You call that noise “music”?
You can marry a rich guy just as easily as you can a poor guy.
You didn’t beat me. I let you win.
You know you’re always gonna be Daddy’s little girl.
You look like a bag lady!
You should visit more often.
You want something to do? I’ll give you something to do.
Young ladies perspire, they do not sweat.
You’re not leaving my house dressed like that!
Your mother worries too much.
No. I am your Father. - Darth Vader
A witty saying proves nothing. - Voltaire
The Child is father of the Man. - William Wordsworth
A short saying oft contains much wisdom. - Sophocles
Never lose a chance of saying a kind word. - William Thackeray
He wants his son to follow in his footprints. - Archie Bunker
It is a wise father that knows his own child. - William Shakespeare
If a thing isn't worth saying, you sing it. - Pierre Beaumarchais
Being a Dad is the greatest, except for assembling things. - Conan O'Brien
Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert
The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' - Kinky Friedman
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. - Jay London
Death is nature's way of saying, "Your table is ready." - Robin Williams
Saying no to something is actually much more powerful than saying yes. - Tom Hanks
My heart is happy, my mind is free.
I had a father who talked with me. - Hilde Bigelow
Necessity may be the mother of invention, but play is certainly the father. - Roger von Oech
Giving your son a skill is better than giving him one thousand pieces of gold. - Chinese Proverb
The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Henry Ward Beecher
The Holy Father's newest Encyclacle? Like anyone cares what he rides around on. - Archie Bunker
It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father. - Pope John XXIII
Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid. - Walter Winchell
For me, there's a kind of absolute power to saying the opposite of what you feel. - Sarah Silverman
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
My father used to say, "If you want to be different, do something different." - Wynton Marsalis
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. - Oscar Wilde
To say my fate is not tied to your fate is like saying, "Your end of the boat is sinking." - Hugh Downs
There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good. - Stephen Colbert
A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain
I want to die like my father; peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers. - Bob Monkhouse
The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell
One-half the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough. - Josh Billings
I blend my green drink every morning. I also fix my son a full-on American breakfast with bacon and toast. - Liz Phair
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. - Matthew 5:14-16
There's a saying among prospectors: "Go out looking for one thing and that's all you'll ever find." - Robert J. Flaherty
In most homes, the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. - Evan Esar
Mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know what we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true. - Rene Descartes
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain
Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Lord Francis Bacon
Chutzpa is that quality enshrined in a man who, having killed his mother and father, throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan. - Leo Rosten
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