A little dirt never hurt anyone, just wipe it off.
Act your age.
Always say please and thank you - that way, you get more.
Am I talking to a brick wall?
As long as you live under my roof, you’ll live by my rules.
Big boys don’t cry.
C’mon, you throw like a girl.
Coffee will stunt your growth.
Could those sleeves be any longer?
Didn’t your teacher learn you anything?
Do what I say, not what I do.
Do you think I’m made of money?
Don’t ask me, ask your mother.
Don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.
Don’t give me any of your lip, young lady.
Don’t make me stop the car!
Don’t tell on anybody unless you tell on yourself first.
Don’t use that tone with me!
Don’t worry. It’s only blood.
Don’t you know any normal boys?
Enough is enough!
Get your elbows off the table.
Hey, did you hear me talking to you?
“Hey” is for horses.
I didn’t feel a thing.
I don’t care what other people are doing - I’m not everybody else’s father!
I feel for you, but I can’t reach you from here.
I got my tongue wrapped around my eye-tooth and couldn’t see what I was saying.
I told you, keep your eye on the ball.
If I catch you doing that one more time, I’ll...
If I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.
If you’re gonna be dumb, you’ve gotta be tough.
If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times.
If you forget, you’ll be grounded till the end of the world.
I’ll play catch after I read the paper.
I’ll tell you why. Because I said so. That’s why.
I’m not just talking to hear my own voice!
I’m not sleeping, I was watching that channel.
I’m not watching television. I’m resting my eyes.
It’s hard to be good, and easy to be bad.
Just wait on the corner and another one will come along.
Men are like buses.
No, we’re not there yet.
Now you listen to ME, Buster!
Shake it off. It’s only pain.
Sit up straight!
So you think you’re smart, do you?
This is your last warning.
This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.
Turn off those lights.
Two wrongs do not make a right.
We’re not lost. I’m just not sure where we are.
Were you raised in a barn? Close the door.
What did I just get finished telling you?
What do you think I am, a bank?
What keeps those jeans of yours from falling off?
What part of NO don’t you understand?
What will other parents think?
What’s so funny?
When I was your age , I treated MY father with respect.
Who said life was supposed to be fair?
Wipe that smile off your face.
Wipe your feet!
Worrying about things you can’t change is like a rocking chair - it gives you
something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.
You call that a haircut?
You call that noise “music”?
You can marry a rich guy just as easily as you can a poor guy.
You didn’t beat me. I let you win.
You know you’re always gonna be Daddy’s little girl.
You look like a bag lady!
You should visit more often.
You want something to do? I’ll give you something to do.
Young ladies perspire, they do not sweat.
You’re not leaving my house dressed like that!
Your mother worries too much.
Directly after God in heaven comes a Papa. - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
He wants his son to follow in his footprints. - Archie Bunker
My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong
The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get. - Tim Russert
A proverb is a wise saying, old yet radiant with novelty. - Erasmus
Being a Dad is the greatest, except for assembling things. - Conan O'Brien
I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex
Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert
Every child needs a father. Even if he turns out to be Darth Vader. - Jackson Radcliffe
Saying no to something is actually much more powerful than saying yes. - Tom Hanks
The art of leadership is saying no, not yes. It is very easy to say yes. - Tony Blair
The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - John Wooden
Don't talk about a rope in the house of someone whose father was hung. - Colin Farrell
My heart is happy, my mind is free.
I had a father who talked with me. - Hilde Bigelow
Giving your son a skill is better than giving him one thousand pieces of gold. - Chinese Proverb
My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. - Clarence B. Kelland
The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Henry Ward Beecher
Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - Mark Twain
The Holy Father's newest Encyclacle? Like anyone cares what he rides around on. - Archie Bunker
There is nothing wrong with having nothing to say - unless you insist on saying it. - Unknown
Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid. - Walter Winchell
Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it. - Adolf Hitler
My father had a piano that was a nickelodeon - put a nickel, and the roller would play. - Frank Sinatra
One of the most important things a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Ray Chenoweth
If you keep on saying things are going to be bad, you have a good chance of being a prophet. - Isaac B. Singer
You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's. - Robert Frost
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be made at me for saying that. - Mitch Hedberg
You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you. - Groucho Marx
Don't criticize what you don't understand, son. You never walked in that man's shoes. - Elvis Presley
I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain
Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless. - Homer Simpson
That he delights in the misery of others no man will confess, and yet what other motive can make a father cruel? - Joseph Addison
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. - Matthew 5:14-16
If you find yourself saying, "But I can't speak English...", try adding the word "... yet". - Jane Revell
There's a saying among prospectors: "Go out looking for one thing and that's all you'll ever find." - Robert J. Flaherty
My Dad once said, "you wouldn't worry so much about what people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did." - Dr. Phil McGraw
My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle
It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about nowadays saying things against one, behind one's back, that are absolutely and entirely true. - Oscar Wilde
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