Marital Bliss
Learning to live with your spouse

Marital Bliss #1

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, “Who was that?”
“Oh,” replies the husband, “she’s my mistress.”
“Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. “I’ve had enough, I want a divorce!”

“I can understand that,” replies her husband, “but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.”

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. “Who’s that woman with Jim?” asks the wife.

“That’s his mistress,” says her husband.

“Ours is prettier,” she replies.


Marital Bliss #2

A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ’Here Lies My Wife - As Cold As Ever’.”

“Yeah” she replies, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ’Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last’. ”


Marital Bliss #3

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife “Mother of Six” in spite of her objections.

One night they go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home now, Mother of Six?”

His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion shouts back, “Anytime you’re ready, Father of Four!”


Marital Bliss #4

A doctor and his wife are having a terrible fight at the breakfast table. The doctor gets up in a rage and walks out yelling, “and you are not any good in bed either” as he storms out of the house.

After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends. He calls his wife and after at least a dozen rings she answers the phone. Again irritated the doctor says, “what took you so long to answer the phone?”

She says, “I was in bed”.

“In bed this late in the day - doing what”?

“I was getting a second opinion” she replied.



see also   Marriage,  Relationship  &  Stress   Sections
3 Stages Of A Man’s Life
4 Stages Of Life
A Woman’s Mind
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Five Stages of a Female’s Life
Hardworking Wife
How To Live A Long & Happy Life
Marital Rating Chart - Husband
Marital Rating Chart - Wife
Names of the Colours
Three Stages of Man

 

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16-Sep-2019