“Female Speak” Translation

Understanding Women 101


Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing.”

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.



QuotaBills
Death ends a life, not a relationship. - Jack Lemmon

There are no ugly women, only lazy ones. - Helena Rubinstein

Tis brief, my lord... as woman's love. - William Shakespeare

Women in London must have learned not to breathe. - Irene Trimble

As Unto The Bow The Cord Is, So Unto The Man Is Woman - Longfellow

I like men who have a future and women who have a past. - Oscar Wilde

I only take Viagra when I'm with more than one woman. - Jack Nicholson

He has a woman's name and wears makeup. How original. - Alice Cooper

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. - H L Mencken

We're women. We have a double standard to live up to. - Ally McBeal

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. - Groucho Marx

A woman is attractive when she is somebody else's wife. - African Proverb

Women's clothes: never wear anything that panics the cat. - P.J. O'Rourke

In Russia, if a male athlete loses he becomes a female athlete. - Yakov Smirnoff

A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game. - Unknown

She's loaded with this, waddya call, women's intermission. - Archie Bunker

A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her. - Oscar Wilde

That woman temptated me up there and you know she was a wonton woman. - Archie Bunker

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea. - Honore de Balzac

The testimony of a woman has only half the value of the testimony of a man. - Iranian Penal Code

In the future, there will be no female leaders. There will just be leaders. - Sheryl Sandberg

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. - Erma Bombeck

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one. - WC Fields

Women over thirty are at their best, but men over thirty are too old to recognize it. - Jean-Paul Belmondo

Strengthen the female mind by enlarging it, and there will be an end to blind obedience. - Mary Wollstonecraft

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be made at me for saying that. - Mitch Hedberg

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. - Phyllis Diller

Never try to impress a woman because if you do, you'll have to keep up that standard the rest of your life. - WC Fields

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship. - Oscar Wilde

At present, our country needs women's idealism and determination, perhaps more in politics than anywhere else. - Shirley Chisholm

Except for a few guitar chords, everything I've learned in my life that is of any value I've learned from women. - Glenn Frey

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, as they grow older, rely more and more on a sense of humor. - George Jean Nathan

A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron

Now I lay facedown on the bed, sobbing for the woman who once slept here not knowing that someday one of her worst fears would come true. - Jennifer Castle

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. "You didn't borrow this." "I will." - Steven Wright


see also   Relationship   Section
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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15-Feb-2019