“Female Speak” Translation

Understanding Women 101


Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing.”

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.



QuotaBills
Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown

For most of history, Anonymous was a woman. - Virginia Woolf

Women would rather be right than reasonable. - Ogden Nash

As Unto The Bow The Cord Is, So Unto The Man Is Woman - Longfellow

Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse. - H L Mencken

I only take Viagra when I'm with more than one woman. - Jack Nicholson

He has a woman's name and wears makeup. How original. - Alice Cooper

A great city is that which has the greatest men and women. - Walt Whitman

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

Irene Lorenzo, queen of the Women's Lubrication Movement. - Archie Bunker

There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini

Surely a pretty woman never looks prettier than when making tea. - Mary E. Braddon

It is much easier to take care of a sackful of fleas than a woman. - German Proverb

The testimony of a woman has only half the value of the testimony of a man. - Iranian Penal Code

Blessed be Thou, our God and Lord of Hosts, who has not created me a woman. - Jewish Prayer

The woman who can create her own job is the one who will win fame and fortune. - Amelia Earhart

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. - Erma Bombeck

In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person. - Wilbert Donald Gough

Enthusiasm is a vital element toward the individual success of every man or woman. - Conrad Hilton

No honest work of man or woman "fails"; it feeds the sum of all human action. - Michelene Wandor

A man who moralizes is usually a hypocrite, and a woman who moralizes is usually plain. - Oscar Wilde

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one. - Joan Baez

Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women access to the mainstream of society. - Rush Limbaugh

Some old women and men grow bitter with age. The more their teeth drop out, the more biting they get. - George D. Prentice

When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face.
That's the price she has to pay. - Groucho Marx

No woman is worth more than a fiver unless you're in love with her. Then she is worth all she costs you. - W Somerset Maugham

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

No matter how plain a woman may be, if truth and honesty are written across her face, she will be beautiful. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time. - Emma McLaughlin

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

Men have trouble dealing with a woman in a position of authority. I've never had trouble with a woman in any position. - Sam Malone

I wore a thong and a bra and a wig. Those things hurt. I mean, thongs? Like, they dig in. It takes a tough man to be a woman. - Hank Azaria

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman - it depends on how much happiness you can handle. - George Burns

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash

Feminism isn't about making women stronger. Women are already strong. It's about changing the way the world perceives that strength. - G.D. Anderson


see also   Relationship   Section
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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22-Sep-2018