“Female Speak” Translation

Understanding Women 101


Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing.”

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.



QuotaBills
Civilized humanical relationships - Archie Bunker

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal. - Steve Rubenstein

Women like silent men, they think they're listening. - George Carlin

Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse. - H L Mencken

Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse. - Gary Veale

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. - Groucho Marx

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. - Mark Twain

I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed. - Henny Youngman

She's loaded with this, waddya call, women's intermission. - Archie Bunker

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more. - James Stephens

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

That woman speaks eighteen languages and can't say no in any of them. - Dorothy Parker

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

Blessed be Thou, our God and Lord of Hosts, who has not created me a woman. - Jewish Prayer

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. - Erma Bombeck

If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. - O. Henry

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men and women are created equal. - Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Women over thirty are at their best, but men over thirty are too old to recognize it. - Jean-Paul Belmondo

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields

Nothing changes the gender equation more significantly than women's economic freedom. - Gloria Steinem

A man has to be Joe McCarthy to be called ruthless. All a woman has to do is put you on hold. - Marlo Thomas

To my eye, women get sexier around 35. They know a thing or two, and knowledge is always alluring. - Pierce Brosnan

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd,
Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorned. - William Congreve

I would venture to guess that Anon, who wrote so many poems without signing them, was often a woman. - Virginia Woolf

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. - Woody Allen

When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face.
That's the price she has to pay. - Groucho Marx

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view. - Sophia Loren

No woman is worth more than a fiver unless you're in love with her. Then she is worth all she costs you. - W Somerset Maugham

There goes a woman who knows all the things that can be taught and none of the things that cannot be taught. - Coco Chanel

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself. - Anais Nin

The scorn men express for a male who does housework is exceeded only by their aversion to a woman who doesn't. - Penny Kome

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong? - George Carlin

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

From a shy, timid girl I had become a woman of resolute character, who could no longer be frightened by the struggle with troubles. - Anna Dostoevsky

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh. - Conan O'Brien

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson


see also   Relationship   Section
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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23-Aug-2019