“Female Speak” Translation

Understanding Women 101


Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing.”

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.



QuotaBills
A woman needs a man like a fish needs a net. - Cynthia Heimel

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

Taking joy in life is a woman's best cosmetic. - Rosalind Russell

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. - Oscar Wilde

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem

I like men who have a future and women who have a past. - Oscar Wilde

In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner

Irene Lorenzo, queen of the Women's Lubrication Movement. - Archie Bunker

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works. - Will Rogers

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

The only place men want depth in a woman is in her decolletage. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle

Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man. - Erica Jong

I am a woman meant for a man, but I never found a man who could compete. - Bette Davis

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. - Aristotle Onassis

A woman is like a teabag. Only in hot water do you realize how strong she is. - Nancy Reagan

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female. - Desmond Morris

The most beautiful makeup for a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. - Yves St. Laurent

This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head. - Phyllis Diller

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one. - WC Fields

Women over thirty are at their best, but men over thirty are too old to recognize it. - Jean-Paul Belmondo

When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. - Oscar Wilde

Nothing changes the gender equation more significantly than women's economic freedom. - Gloria Steinem

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, which doesn't say much for you. - Groucho Marx

A man has to be Joe McCarthy to be called ruthless. All a woman has to do is put you on hold. - Marlo Thomas

To my eye, women get sexier around 35. They know a thing or two, and knowledge is always alluring. - Pierce Brosnan

I would venture to guess that Anon, who wrote so many poems without signing them, was often a woman. - Virginia Woolf

The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats. - Jean Kerr

Some old women and men grow bitter with age. The more their teeth drop out, the more biting they get. - George D. Prentice

A woman, especially if she has the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can. - Jane Austen

There goes a woman who knows all the things that can be taught and none of the things that cannot be taught. - Coco Chanel

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

Part of the reason that men seem so much less loving than women is that men's behavior is measured with a feminine ruler. - Francesca M. Cancian

Of the two lots, the woman's lot of perpetual motherhood, and the man's of perpetual babyhood, I prefer the man's. - Bernard Shaw

Every man and woman is born into the world to do something unique and distinctive, and if he or she does not do it, it will never be done. - Benjamin E. Mays

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin


see also   Relationship   Section
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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17-Jun-2019