following were answers provided by 6th graders during history tests. Some of the best humour is in the misspelling
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee hee, Brutus.”
7. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
8. Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah.”
9. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
10. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between, he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.
16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered the radio. Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.
Adults are just obsolete children. - Dr. Seuss
Children are the wisdom of the nation. - African Saying
Children are poor people's riches. - Unknown
The childhood shows the man, as morning shows the day. - John Milton
A child can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer. - Unknown
We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open. - Harry Edwards
Our children are only as brilliant as we allow them to be. - Eric Micha'el Leventhal
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin
A child seldom needs a good talking to as a good listening to. - Robert Brault
When I was a child what I wanted to be when I grew up was an invalid. - Quentin Crisp
Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna
Grammar is a piano I play by ear. All I know about grammar is its power. - Joan Didion
There's only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. - English Proverb
Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford
Four very powerful words to say to your child: "I believe in you." - Kevin Heath
In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children. - Robert Benchley
We do not inherit the earth from our parents. We borrow it from our children. - Unknown
A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often. - Unknown
Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown
I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. - Jane Wagner
You know children are growing up when they start asking questions that have answers. - John J Plomp
Grandchildren are God's rewards to grandparents for not shooting their children. - Unknown
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language. - Dale Carnegie
It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown
A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries
I married your mother because I wanted children.
Imagine my disappointment when you came along. - Groucho Marx
Parents should leave books lying around marked "forbidden" if they want their children to read. - Doris Lessing
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. - Phyllis Diller
Play is a vital learning medium for a child. In a sense play is his work. And he discovers knowledge for himself. - Raymond Moore
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson
I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. - Harry S Truman
Children despise their parents until the age of forty, when they suddenly become just like them, thus preserving the system. - Quentin Crewe
A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason; to always be curious; and to fight tirelessly for something. - Paulo Coelho
The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan
The greatest sign of success for a teacher is to be able to say, "The children are now working as if I did not exist." - Maria Montessori
The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity. - Thomas Carlyle
Everything here is edible; even I'm edible. But that, dear children, is cannibalism, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. - Johnny Depp
The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about. - Evan Esar
Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
Eat Your Vegetables
Help For Dead Children
OCD Ball Pit
Redneck Time Out
Stealth Cell Phone Tower
Holes of the World
Australian Wildfire Survivor
Frog Spout Security
Walkway To Heaven
Groucho Marx and Jimmy Savile
Lazy People Make Excellent Engineers
Under The Weather