following were answers provided by 6th graders during history tests. Some of the best humour is in the misspelling
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee hee, Brutus.”
7. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
8. Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah.”
9. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
10. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between, he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.
16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered the radio. Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.
Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin
What is a home without children? Quiet. - Henny Youngman
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb
One hour with a child is like a ten-mile run. - Joan B. Samuelson
Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner
Little children, little sorrows; big children, great sorrows. - Danish Proverb
Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. - George Bernard Shaw
Every child needs a father. Even if he turns out to be Darth Vader. - Jackson Radcliffe
All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr
Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. - Ralph Bus
Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. - Maya Angelou
A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them. - Victor Hugo
Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light? - Maurice Freehill
It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father. - Pope John XXIII
My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng
A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language. - Dale Carnegie
The most precious jewels you'll ever have around your neck are the arms of your children. - Unknown
Every time a child is born it brings with it the hope that God is not yet disappointed in man. - Rabindranath Tagore
The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose. - Garrison Keillor
Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration and inspiration. - Evan Esar
When it comes to raising children, I believe in give and take. I give orders and they take ‘em. - Bernie Mac
No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker
The best thing I've ever done? Well, I've created four beautiful children. You mean, other than that? - Donald Trump
Children aren’t happy without something to ignore,
And that’s what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash
There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, employ someone, or forbid your children to do it. - Mona Crane
Violence of language leads to violence of action. Angry men seldom fight if their tongues do not lead the fray. - Charles V Roman
Enthusiasm is the inspiration of everything great. Without it no man is to be feared, and with it none despised. - Christian Nevell Bovee
The fundamental defect of fathers, in our competitive society, is that they want their children to be a credit to them. - Bertrand Russell
Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate achievements. - Napoleon Hill
Children despise their parents until the age of forty, when they suddenly become just like them, thus preserving the system. - Quentin Crewe
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor
I cannot for the life of me understand why small children take so long to grow up. I think they do it deliberately, just to annoy me. - Agatha Trunchbull
The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about. - Evan Esar
Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton
There's nothing more contagious than the laughter of young children; it doesn't even have to matter what they're laughing about. - Criss Jami
I've seen whales calving in the waters off Maui, and I've watched my children being born. But music is the most beautiful thing of all. - Steven Tyler
Mothers and their children are in a category all their own. There's no bond so strong in the entire world. No love so instantaneous and forgiving. - Gail Tsukiyama
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
Eat Your Vegetables
Help For Dead Children
OCD Ball Pit
Redneck Time Out
Cowboy Bubble Bath
Don't Be A Stick In The Mud
Redneck Hitch Attachment
Window Fall Repair
Parking Spot For Women
Generations Past And Present
Jumping The Gun
New Speed Trap
Window Cleaning in New York
Welcome Beer Mat
Mr. Dressup II
Breast Cancer Cure
Who Needs Physics?