following were answers provided by 6th graders during history tests. Some of the best humour is in the misspelling
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee hee, Brutus.”
7. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
8. Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah.”
9. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
10. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between, he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.
16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered the radio. Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.
A child is a curly dimpled lunatic. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Dance is the hidden language of the soul. - Martha Graham
Inspiration and genius - one and the same. - Victor Hugo
The soul is healed by being with children. - Fyodor Dostoyevski
It's never too late for a happy childhood. - Gloria Steinem
I love children if they're cooked properly. - WC Fields
We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open. - Harry Edwards
The great man is one who never loses his child’s heart. - Mencius
When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it. - Sigmund Freud
We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry
As long as you know men are like children, you know everything. - Coco Chanel
Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed. - Maria Montessori
If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you. - Dick Cavett
All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr
If we don't stand up for children, then we don't stand for much. - Marian W. Edelman
Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford
Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. - Groucho Marx
A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them. - Victor Hugo
Peace will come when the Arabs will love their children more than they hate us. - Golda Meir
All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson
Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard
Children need the freedom and time to play. Play is not a luxury. Play is a necessity. - Kay R. Jamison
My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. - Phyllis Diller
Every time a child is born it brings with it the hope that God is not yet disappointed in man. - Rabindranath Tagore
The most beautiful thing in the world is, precisely, the conjunction of learning and inspiration. - Wanda Landowska
You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa
Fathers are like a lighthouse - when there is fog his children can always depend on seeing the light. - Unknown
Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. - Unknown
Our children may learn about heroes of the past. Our task is to make ourselves architects of the future. - Jomo Mzee Kenyatta
Children aren’t happy without something to ignore,
And that’s what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash
There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, employ someone, or forbid your children to do it. - Mona Crane
Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." - Lillian Carter
Let early education be a sort of amusement; you will then better be able to find out the natural bent of the child. - Plato
The fundamental defect of fathers, in our competitive society, is that they want their children to be a credit to them. - Bertrand Russell
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor
If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali
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Zipper Scar Tattoo
Swiss Army Mega Tools
Law of Emotion
Eiffel Tower Modifications
Star Wars Episode VIII
You Guys Make Me Sick
Chu Your Food Well
Men's Wedding Photos
Suddenly An Oven
Redneck Shower Head
I Finally Know Why
Finally Got The Sink Fixed