Titanic Test

Entrance exam to the Pearly Gates


A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”




QuotaBills
Necessity hath no law. - Oliver Cromwell

The trouble with law is lawyers. - Clarence Darrow

All children are essentially criminal. - Denis Diderot

Don't judge your taco by its price. - Hunter S. Thompson

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb

Law is order, and good law is good order. - Aristotle

Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller

Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law. - Unknown

I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer. - Oliver North

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman. - Robert Frost

Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire

A fox should not be on the jury at a goose's trial. - Thomas Fuller

Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe Defries

You're breakin' about 18 laws, maybe even a dozen. - Archie Bunker

If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens

I've never been in love. I've always been a lawyer. - Unknown

The innkeeper loves the drunkard, but not for a son-in-law. - Yiddish Proverb

People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves. - Albert Camus

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey

Don't judge me by my past. I don't live there anymore. - Unknown

A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless it is paid for. - Unknown

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. - Mark Twain

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius

Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes. - Samuel Butler

The best use of laws is to teach men to trample bad laws under their feet. - Wendell Phillips

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

Tennis is like a lawsuit: activity from across the court is often surprising. - Unknown

Lawyers are like beavers: They get in the middle of the stream and dam it up. - Donald Rumsfeld

The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson

I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson

Grammar, which knows how to lord it over kings, and with high hands makes them obey its laws. - Moliere

Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. - Nelson Mandela

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. - Malcolm S Forbes

Whatever their other contributions to our society, lawyers could be an important source of protein. - Guindon

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold, but so has a hard-boiled egg. - Unknown

That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly

If we judge ourselves only by our aspirations and everyone else only their conduct we shall soon reach a very false conclusion. - Calvin Coolidge

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. - John Adams

Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot

Laws are like spiders' webs which, if anything small falls into them they ensnare it, but large things break through and escape. - Solon

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Albert Einstein

While there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free. - Eugene V Debs


see also   Heaven  &  Lawyer  Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer

An Old Man’s Dying Request
Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit
Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
Generous Lawyer
Good Lawyer
Honest Lawyer
Hot Coffee
Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
Laws Of Golf
Lawyer Expands Practice
Lawyer Priorities
Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch
Legal Assistance For All
Legal Exhibit
Legal Grounds
Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
Negotiating Lawyers
Negotiations Texas Style
Nepal Lawyer
No Fee Chinese Detective
Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Woman Argument

 

Mexican Lion

Reaching Out Too Far

Revolutionary Cooking

Fish View

Pilot Bike

Stealth Woman

1st Rolex

Dish Dryer

Young Mechanic

Angry Mathematician

McLobster

Cliff Walks

Reading Chair

Puzzle Ad

Feeding Time

Rural Free Delivery

Urban Camper

Fractured Foot or Hand?

Yolkswagon

March of the Penguins - Canadian Version
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

28-May-2018