Titanic Test

Entrance exam to the Pearly Gates


A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”




QuotaBills
Necessity hath no law. - Oliver Cromwell

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers

Common sense often makes good law. - William O Douglas

Position is nine-tenths of the law. - Archie Bunker

A bad compromise beats a good lawsuit. - Saying

OK, if you can get an indepartial judge. - Archie Bunker

Law is order, and good law is good order. - Aristotle

He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. - Charles Lamb

In law, nothing is certain but the expense. - Samuel Butler

Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer. - Robert Louis Stevenson

To live outside the law, you must be honest. - Bob Dylan

Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law. - Unknown

I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer. - Oliver North

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

There's a strong criminal relement up there. - Archie Bunker

Stop soft soapin' and trying to deterge the judge! - Archie Bunker

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin

I would uphold the law if for no other reason but to protect myself. - Thomas More

The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes. - Oscar Wilde

Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown

Do not judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins. - Native American Proverb

Inside every hardened criminal beats the heart of a ten-year-old boy. - Homer Simpson

Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes. - Samuel Butler

Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. - Mark Twain

I don't want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is. - Roy M. Cohn

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. - Robert Louis Stevenson

The successful revolutionary is a statesman, the unsuccessful one a criminal. - Erich Fromm

Tennis is like a lawsuit: activity from across the court is often surprising. - Unknown

I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny

Humour is based on a modicum of truth. Ever heard a joe-k about a father-in-law? - Dick Clark

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

Law: an ordinance of reason for the common good, made by him who has care of the community. - Thomas Aquinas

Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. - Malcolm S Forbes

If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place. - George Savile

At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst. - Aristotle

The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges. - Anatole France

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic. - Unknown

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

In a litigation-happy society, clear agreements often prevent small disagreements form becoming big ones. - Harvey Mackay

I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire one to tell me how to do what I want to do. - J P Morgan

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. - Plato

People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold, but so has a hard-boiled egg. - Unknown

When the law no longer protects you from the corrupt, but protects the corrupt from you, you know your nation is doomed. - Ayn Rand

One does not, by knowing all the physical laws as we know them today, immediately obtain an understanding of anything much. - Richard Feynman

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. - Albert Einstein

There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant


see also   Heaven  &  Lawyer  Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer

An Old Man’s Dying Request
Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit
Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
Generous Lawyer
Good Lawyer
Honest Lawyer
Hot Coffee
Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
Laws Of Golf
Lawyer Expands Practice
Lawyer Priorities
Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch
Legal Assistance For All
Legal Exhibit
Legal Grounds
Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
Negotiating Lawyers
Negotiations Texas Style
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No Fee Chinese Detective
Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Woman Argument

 

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18-Feb-2018