Taking Too Many Seats

How to remove an uncooperative old man at a concert

An elderly man lay sprawled across three entire seats at a concert. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, “Sorry sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”
The old man didn’t budge.

The usher became more impatient.
“Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.”
Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old dishevelled man, but with no success.

Finally they summoned the police.

The responding officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, what’s your name?”
“Fred,” the old man moaned.
“Where you from, Fred?” asked the police officer.
With a terrible strain in his voice, and without moving, Fred replied, “The balcony...”



QuotaBills
Music describes what words can't. - Unknown

Extraordinary how potent cheap music is. - Noel Coward

Music is a means of rapid transportation. - John Cage

Wagner's music is better than it sounds. - Mark Twain

Without music, life is a journey through a desert. - Pat Conroy

The earth has its music for those who will listen. - George Santayana

Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music. - Ronald Reagan

You can't touch music, but music can touch you. - Mordecai

My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong

My music is best understood by children and animals. - Igor Stravinsky

Making music should not be left to the professionals. - Michelle Shocked

Life exists for the love of music or beautiful things. - G K Chesterton

Dancing can reveal all the mystery that music conceals. - Charles Baudelaire

The music is all around us. All you have to do is listen. - August Rush

You just pick a chord, go twang, and you've got music. - Sid Vicious

After Rossini dies, who will there be to promote his music? - Richard Wagner

Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. - W H Auden

Music is my mistress, and she plays second fiddle to no one. - Duke Ellington

The sweetest music in the world to every person is his own name. - Unknown

The symphony must be like the world. It must embrace everything. - Gustav Mahler

If in the afterlife there is not music, we will have to import it. - Domenico Cieri Estrada

Country music has always been the best shrink that 15 bucks can buy. - Dierks Bentley

Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown

You can run out of garlic, but you can't really run out of music. - Jace Wayland

Music is the divine way to tell beautiful, poetic things to the heart. - Pablo Casals

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

Each soul is tuned to a different pitch. Music is about harmonizing the soul. - Wu-Tang Clan

Music, the greatest good that mortals know and all of heaven we have hear below. - Joseph Addison

Most people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try. - Mary Kay Ash

I think my music is like anchovies - some people like it, some people get nauseous. - Barry Manilow

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. - Simon Cowell

Words make you think a thought. Music makes you feel a feeling. A song makes you feel a thought. - E Y Harburg

Boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. - Jack Handey

Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything. - Plato

I alone of English writers have consciously set myself to make music out of what I may call the sound of sense. - Robert Frost

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular? - David Sarnoff

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard


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22-Sep-2019