Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch

Ever wish you could give twice as much to your lawyer?


A man walking along the beach one day finds a bottle. He rubs it and out pops a genie.
“I will grant you three wishes,” said the genie. “But there’s a catch.”

“What catch?”

The genie replied, “Every time you make a wish, every lawyer in the world will receive double the wish you were granted.”
“Well, I can live with that - no problem!” replied the elated man.

“What’s your first wish?” asked the genie.
“Well, I’ve always wanted a Ferrari!”
POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man.
“Now every lawyer in the world has TWO Ferraris,” said the genie.

“Next wish?”
“I’d love a million dollars,” replied the man.
POOF! One million dollars appeared at his feet.
“Now every lawyer in the world has TWO million dollars,” said the genie.

“Well, that’s okay, as long as I’ve got my million,” replied the man.

“What is your third and final wish?”
The man thought long and hard, and finally said, “Well, you know, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney!”


QuotaBills
The trouble with law is lawyers. - Clarence Darrow

Justice delayed is justice denied. - William Gladstone

A lawsuit helps keep lawyers clothed. - Unknown

A bad compromise beats a good lawsuit. - Saying

We judge of man's wisdom by his hope. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

To live outside the law, you must be honest. - Bob Dylan

Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson

Keep skunks, bankers and lawyers at a distance. - Unknown

There's a strong criminal relement up there. - Archie Bunker

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain

The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. - Martin Luther King Jr.

I have always fought for concrete facts, for justice. - Fidel Castro

It's every man's business to see justice done. - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe Defries

Ambition is like hunger; it obeys no law but its appetite. - H.W. Shaw

Canada is the homeland of equality, justice and tolerance. - Kim Campbell

In the Halls of Justice, the only justice is in the halls. - Lenny Bruce

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. - Groucho Marx

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. - Mark Twain

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius

The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes. - Oscar Wilde

Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes. - Samuel Butler

Don't judge a book by its cover 'til you've read the book. - Jamie Lee Curtis

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown

Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

Tennis is like a lawsuit: activity from across the court is often surprising. - Unknown

Ethics and equity and the principles of justice do not change with the calendar. - D.H. Lawrence

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson

To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt. - Elizabeth C Stanton

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright

Justice is the insurance we have on our lives, and obedience is the premium we pay for it. - William Penn

Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. - Nelson Mandela

At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst. - Aristotle

The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges. - Anatole France

In a litigation-happy society, clear agreements often prevent small disagreements form becoming big ones. - Harvey Mackay

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller

There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey

Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible, but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary. - Reinhold Niebuhr

If we judge ourselves only by our aspirations and everyone else only their conduct we shall soon reach a very false conclusion. - Calvin Coolidge

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. - John Adams

Justice, sir, is the great interest of man on earth. It is the ligament which holds civilized beings and civilized nations together. - Daniel Webster

The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?" - Steven Wright

What we lawyers want to do is to substitute courts for carnage, dockets for rockets, briefs for bombs, warrants for warheads, mandates for missiles. - George Rhyne

There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant


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24-Apr-2019