1. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
2. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
3. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
4. Get a new car for your spouse. It’ll be a great trade!
5. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
6. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
7. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand...
8. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
9. How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
10. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
11. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
12. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
13. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
14. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
15. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
16. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
17. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
18. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
19. I couldn’t repair your brake, so I made your horn louder.
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
22. Just remember - if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until
you hear them speak.
24. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
25. A day without sunshine is like night.
26. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
27. Getting lost in thought may put you in unfamiliar territory.
28. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
29. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
30. You’re diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
31. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
32. Remember that half the people you know are below average.
33. Despite the high cost of living, it’s still extremely popular.
34. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
35. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
36. Drive way too fast and you don’t have to worry about cholesterol.
37. If you intend to live forever, so far, so good.
38. Borrow money only from pessimists; they don’t expect it back.
39. Support bacteria; they’re the only culture some people have.
40. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy the evidence.
41. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
42. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
43. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
44. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
45. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
46. Success always occurs in private; failure, in full view.
47. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
48. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach
49. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
50. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
51. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
52. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard (and not enough
53. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
54. If you think nobody cares try missing a couple of payments.
55. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Believe in the holy contour of life. - Jack Kerouac
Problems are the normal state of life. - Charlie Jones
Don't go to the grave with life unused. - Bobby Bowden
The best thing to hold onto in life is each other. - Audrey Hepburn
Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music. - Ronald Reagan
Life is a rollercoaster. Try to eat a light lunch. - David A. Schmaltz
In the cookie of life, friends are chocolate chips. - Salman Rushdie
Begin at once to live, and count each day as a separate life. - Seneca
You have to go through a lot of heartache in life to feel joy. - Doug Collins
Remember when life's path is steep to keep your mind even. - Horace
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. - Herbert Asquith
Life is infinitely stranger than anything the mind could invent. - Arthur Conan Doyle
You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it. - Unknown
Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown
Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in and out of favour. - Robert Frost
Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on. - Samuel Butler
When you're in love, it's the most glorious two-and-a-half minutes of your life. - Richard Lewis
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. - Michael Sinz
She believed, of course... because without something to believe in, life would be intolerable. - Rosamunde Pilcher
Will you look back on life and say, 'I wish I had,' or 'I'm glad I did it'? - Zig Ziglar
People seek within a short span of life to satisfy a thousand desires, each of which is insatiable. - Oliver Goldsmith
The unselfish effort to bring cheer to others will be the beginning of a happier life for ourselves. - Helen Keller
Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with another. - Thomas Merton
You only have to do a very few things right in your life - so long as you don't do too many things wrong. - Warren Buffet
When you finally accept that you're a complete dork, your life gets easier. No sense in trying to be cool. - Reese Witherspoon
Humor has been the balm of my life, but it's been reserved for those close to me, not part of the public Lana. - Lana Turner
Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. - Joseph Addison
Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you're riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. - Bob Marley
The 3 C's of life: Choices, Chances, Changes. You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change. - Unknown
It's your place in the world; it's your life. Go on and do all you can with it, and make it the life you want to live. - Mae Jemison
Amazingly when you add life and consciousness to the equation you can actually explain some of the biggest puzzles of science. - Robert Lanza
Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life. - Herbert Otto
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. - Albert Einstein
With such riches as I have in life, you're always nervous. Being Irish, you're waiting for something to knock it sideways. - Pierce Brosnan
A party of order or stability, and a party of progress or reform, are both necessary elements of a healthy state of political life. - John Stuart Mill
Life is a child playing around your feet, a tool you hold firmly in your grip, a bench you sit down upon in the evening, in your garden. - Jean Anouilh
Nature is one of the most underutilized treasures in life. It has the power to unburden hearts and reconnect to that inner place of peace. - Janice Anderson
Anytime I feel lost, I pull out a map and stare. I stare until I have reminded myself that life is a giant adventure, so much to do, to see. - Angelina Jolie
I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well. - Diane Ackerman
You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life. - Albert Camus
3 Stages Of A Man’s Life
4 Stages Of Life
Bacon Is Life
Balanced Family Life
Better Start In Life
Extension of Life
Leading a Remote Life
Life And Beer Are Very Similar
Life Cycle of a Chicken
My Life Goal
My Life in Segments
One Of Life’s Equations
Secret For A Long, Happy Life
Sometimes Life Just Isn’t Fair
The Wheels of Life
Throw Your Life Away
When Life Gets You Down
Plastered Wall Plasterer
Cowboy Bubble Bath
Don't Be A Stick In The Mud
Redneck Hitch Attachment
Window Fall Repair
Parking Spot For Women
Generations Past And Present
Jumping The Gun
New Speed Trap
Window Cleaning in New York
Welcome Beer Mat
Mr. Dressup II
Breast Cancer Cure