1. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
2. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
3. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
4. Get a new car for your spouse. It’ll be a great trade!
5. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
6. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
7. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand...
8. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
9. How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
10. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
11. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
12. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
13. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
14. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
15. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
16. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
17. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
18. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
19. I couldn’t repair your brake, so I made your horn louder.
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
22. Just remember - if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until
you hear them speak.
24. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
25. A day without sunshine is like night.
26. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
27. Getting lost in thought may put you in unfamiliar territory.
28. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
29. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
30. You’re diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
31. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
32. Remember that half the people you know are below average.
33. Despite the high cost of living, it’s still extremely popular.
34. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
35. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
36. Drive way too fast and you don’t have to worry about cholesterol.
37. If you intend to live forever, so far, so good.
38. Borrow money only from pessimists; they don’t expect it back.
39. Support bacteria; they’re the only culture some people have.
40. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy the evidence.
41. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
42. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
43. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
44. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
45. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
46. Success always occurs in private; failure, in full view.
47. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
48. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach
49. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
50. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
51. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
52. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard (and not enough
53. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
54. If you think nobody cares try missing a couple of payments.
55. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Life is improvisation. - Tina Fey
From my own personal life, abstinence works. - Rick Perry
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. - Dave Barry
Racing is life. Everything else is just... waiting. - Steve McQueen
The tests of life are not meant to break you but make you. - Norman Vincent Peale
The problems of puzzles are very near the problems of life. - Erno Rubik
You have to go through a lot of heartache in life to feel joy. - Doug Collins
Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about. - Oscar Wilde
I realized my mission in life was to learn more, not earn more. - Surya Das
One's real life is so often the life that one does not lead. - Oscar Wilde
The deepest definition of youth is life as yet untouched by tragedy. - Alfred Whitehead
Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards. - Soren Kierkegaard
Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive. - Elbert Hubbard
If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. - Tallulah Bankhead
Life is a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you. - Wally Amos
Let your life lightly dance on the edges of time, like dew on the tip of a leaf. - Unknown
We all lose our looks eventually, better develop your character and interest in life. - Jacqueline Bisset
Gammy used to say, "Too much scrubbing takes the life right out of things." - Betty MacDonald
The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything... or nothing. - Lady Astor
Education doesn't change life much. It just lifts trouble to a higher plane of regard. - Robert Frost
I have lived my life according to this principle: If I'm afraid of it, then I must do it. - Erica Jong
Very little is needed to make a happy life. It is all within yourself in your way of thinking. - Marcus Aurelius
The real tragedy of life is not being limited to one talent, but failing to use that one talent. - Unknown
You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want. - Zig Ziglar
Never let life's hardships disturb you... no one can avoid problems, not even saints or sages. - Nichiren Daishonen
You can't fall if you don't climb. But there's no joy in living your whole life on the ground. - Unknown
I don't think I've ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up. - George Costanza
When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! - Homer Simpson
A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. - William Arthur Ward
Learn to enjoy your own company. You are the one person you can count on living with for the rest of your life. - Ann Richards
Remember that your best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. - Unknown
We deem those happy who, from the experience of life, have learned to bear its ills, without being overcome by them. - Juvenal
I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule
Those who have never known the deep intimacy and the intense companionship of mutual love have missed the best thing that life has to give. - Bertrand Russell
When you forgive a wrongdoing, you give yourself peace of mind; you can go about your life with a feeling of serenity and be grateful again. - Unknown
A man should not live beyond the age when he begins to deteriorate, when the flame that lighted the brightest moment of his life has weakened. - Fidel Castro
When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump, otherwise you end up staying in the same place your whole life, and that I can't do - Abel Morales
3 Stages Of A Man’s Life
4 Stages Of Life
Bacon Is Life
Balanced Family Life
Better Start In Life
Extension of Life
Leading a Remote Life
Life And Beer Are Very Similar
Life Cycle of a Chicken
My Life Goal
My Life in Segments
One Of Life’s Equations
Secret For A Long, Happy Life
Sometimes Life Just Isn’t Fair
The Wheels of Life
Throw Your Life Away
When Life Gets You Down
Pushing The Envelope
Social Media Explained
Turn Into Lanes
Sleep With Us
One Tough Lady!
Best Way To Honor The Fallen
Veterans Day Holiday
Life of Freedom and Peace
It's A Pittance Of Time