Dis is da latest air service to sprout up in Minnesnowta.
Also serving Visconsin, Nort Dekota, and Moontana. Try it - you vill like it.
“If you are traveling soon, consider Lutheran Air, the no-frills airline. You’re
all in da same boat on Lutheran Air, vere flying is an uplifting experience.
There is no first class on any Lutheran Air flight.
Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main
dish, and 22-30, a dessert.
Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the aircraft.
Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.
All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land until the budget
Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you with the safety
system aboard this Lutheran Air 599.
Okay then, listen up: I’m only gonna say this once. In the event of a sudden
loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill
Captain Olson because ve fly right around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure
would probably indicate the Second Coming or something of that nature, and I
vouldn’t bother with those little masks on the rubber tubes.
You’re gonna have bigger things to worry about than that. Just stuff those back
up in their little holes. Probably the masks fell out because of turbulence
vhich, to be honest with you, ve’re going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet,
sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a vile you get used to it.
In the event of a water landing, I’d say forget it. Start saying the Lord’s
Prayer and just hope you get to the part about “forgive us our sins as ve forgive
those who sin against us, vich some people
say trespass against us,” vich isn’t right, but vat can you do?
The use of cell phones on the plane is strictly forbidden, not because they may
interfere vith the plane’s navigational system, vich is seat of the pants all
the way. No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo, and if God meant
you to use a cell phone, He vould have put your mouth on the side of your head.
Ve’re going to start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style vith the
coffee pot up front.
Then ve’ll have the hymn sing; hymnals in the seat pocket in front of you. Don’t
take yours vith you ven you go or am going to be real upset and I am not
Right now I’ll say Grace. “Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let these gifts to
us be blest. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, may ve land in Duluth or pretty close.
Original post on “A Prairie Home Companion”, December 6, 2003
by Garrison Keillor
Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible. - Lord Kelvin
Roasted pigeons will not fly into one's mouth. - Dutch Proverb
Mothers are angels that lift us when we cannot fly. - Unknown
Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. - Unknown
Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - G K Chesterton
Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly? - Frida Kahlo
Luck is like having a rice dumpling fly into your mouth. - Japanese Proverb
He imagines a necessary joy in things that must fly to eat. - Wendell Berry
If God wanted us to fly, he would have given us air tickets. - Mel Brooks
The sky is the limit only for those who aren't afraid to fly. - Bob Bello
The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris
This is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air. - Curt Gowdy
If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus. - Robin Williams
I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. - Jonathan Winters
The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. - J.M. Barrie
It's OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation. - Rob Gilbert
There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton
Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes
My tent doesn't look like much but it is air-conditioned and has exceptional location. - Fennel Hudson
You can't fly with the owls by night and expect to keep up with the eagles during the day. - Unknown
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
Nothing can move a man who is paid by the hour; how sweet the flight of time seems to his calm mind. - Charles D Warner
I want the pilot flying me up in the air at 30,000 feet to make more than a guy working at Taco Bell. - Michael Moore
I don't like all this fresh air: I'm from Los Angeles; I don't trust any air I can't see. - Bob Hope
I am the astronaut of boxing. Joe Louis and Jack Dempsey were just jet pilots. I'm in a world of my own. - Muhammad Ali
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
So just what are time flies, and why do they fly like an arrow? - Groucho Marx
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse
The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, "Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?" - Robin Williams
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all. - Robert Orben
Bruce Lee's fast pace, Jet Li's pretty style and Jet Li's acrobatics combine with Muay Thai for my own style. - Tony Jaa
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff. - Rodney Dangerfield
It's better to swim in the sea below
Than to swing in the air and feed the crow,
Says jolly Ned Teach of Bristol. - Benjamin Franklin
I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright
If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? - George Carlin
A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson
A nation that destroys its soils destroys itself. Forests are the lungs of our land, purifying the air and giving fresh strength to our people. - Franklin D Roosevelt
From lessening negativity to boosting creativity, hiking in fresh air actually boosts brain power and can help certain parts of the brain grow. - Meredith Carey
Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground. - Jarod Kintz
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Sad Truth About The Oscars
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Big Boots To Fill
Redneck Rolling Bottle Sprinkler
Want To Fiddle Around?